Changing hats

I've been back at work for a little over a week and as with the beginning of every school year, I'm still just getting a handle on things. New curriculum, new kids, new expectations, and for me...new hats.

Doing the daily change from teacher hat to mom hat is hard work.

I'm that teacher who leaves school when the day is over...gone are the days of staying late to finish grading something or reading ahead. I have two little people that by 3:17, I need to see. 

In my ten minute drive (I know I'm very lucky) from work to daycare I have to decompress...forget anything crappy that may have happened at work, let anything that didn't get done wait til tomorrow,  and muster up the energy that I know my two kids are going to have.

It takes a whole lot of mustering on my part not to just put on the TV and shut it down when we get home cause man I am TIRED. But I know winter is coming and the days of playing outside are dwindling. And I'm trying...and this mommy hat still fits better than my teacher one.

Adult time?

Daddy jumps off furniture

Adult time does not exist in our house right now.  I know it's  just a phase and I definitely miss my husband but it is what it is. Mike gets home on the later side from work, sometimes in time to put Alex to bed at 7:30 and then we have dinner/bath/bedtime routine with Jenna, who doesn't go to bed until 9/9:30.  She still has nap time at daycare, so getting her to bed earlier is close to impossible. And quite honestly by 9:30, both of us are spent.  And so maybe we have a chance to sit on the couch and watch some TV or talk but it usually ends with Mike rubbing my feet and me passing out.  Fun times.

But I guess it's kind of our choice. I could choose to send Jenna to a school that doesn't have nap time.  And she would absolutely go to bed earlier (that's what happens on the weekends). But here's the catch - she would never see Mike during the week. I would have both kids sleeping by 7:30 and Mike would come home to a quiet house. And yes, we'd have our 'adult time' but he wouldn't have any kid time. And they wouldn't have any daddy time. And right now, my kids, especially Jenna, need to see their daddy during the week.  The three (and sometimes four) of us have dinner together every night. We eat, we talk about our day, and we clean up together. That time is important to us.

I guess even though I'm a stay at home mom, I still have the 'working mom mentality.' I'll be back at work in a couple of months and I think I would die if my kids were in bed so soon after I got home.  They would see me for only a few hours and not see Mike at all. Right now, I don't feel like I'm enough for them during the week, and if it means less adult time for us, but more mommy/daddy time for them...then so be it.

Fitting It All In

I took a break from blogging that last week or so because I was just too damn overwhelmed with life to even think about getting some coherent thoughts together and write them.
I'm back at work, teaching 27 third graders and in one simple word, I was tired.  I stayed home for a year and a half and trust me when I say I was tired then, but now it's pure exhaustion. 

I am a believer in the fact that there is no break for any mom - working or stay at home.  But right now I'm just figuring out how to do a quick switch from teacher to mommy without getting burnt out at either one of my 'jobs.'

I'm in the third week of school right now and it's starting to get better...and I took this week to do some stuff for me.  Wednesday night I went out with my girlfriends, Friday night I went to my first book club meeting (which was filled with lots of wine) and Saturday night, we had a double date while J slept at my parent's house.  Maybe it was because I was so busy and didn't have time to think about my triedness or maybe because J was back to sleeping well (now that she was feeling better), but I felt a bit more human this week. 

So now we're back to the question of fitting it all in - work time, mommy time, family time, and me time....

I May Have Married a Rock Star

The last few nights have been some of our worst ever.  I don't know if we're spoiled with a good sleeper but my body just can't handle the middle of the night wake ups.  Thinking back (and it's kind of strange that my memory is blurry) I was never great at it.  Very early on, when J was still waking up to eat at 12 and 4, I remember saying to Mike, I'll take the 4:00 because I needed to get a decent stretch of sleep in order to function.  Waking up at midnight was too early in my sleep.

But this weekend, we had a very sick little girl on our hands.  And middle of the night wakeups ensued...not to eat, but to medicate.  And not only are we not used to it, but now I'm back at work, where I can't really "fake it" during the day.   I love teaching, but one downside is that I can't just sit in front of my computer pretending to work and check emails.  I have 27 little kids who require a whole lot of me (especially this time of year). 

And Mike has been a rock star.  I'm talking as soon as he hears her stir over the monitor, he's in her room, settling her back in.  He's prepared with medicine, water, and hugs to get her back to sleep.  And all this with a smile mouthing to me "Go back to sleep, babe." I fought with him a few times, but then I stopped fighting and went back to bed.  Still awake, but at least resting. 

He's a rock star.
And so is a gigantic cup of coffee which keeps me from turning into a mean mean teacher. 

So thank you Mike and Dunkin!

Sick Baby = Sick to my stomach Mommy

It's Saturday over here (but you probably won't see this til Monday cause I have to see how tomorrow goes) and we are officially in the midst of Jenna's first real sick day.  We've been so lucky so far - she has never run a fever over 99.9 in her little life...but today she ran a whopping 103.7!!
I got nervous and for whatever reason her pediatricians' office phone lines were down and their offices were locked (I'll deal with that issue tomorrow - they're supposed to be open 7 days a week and phone line typically has an outgoing message with an emergency number, but the line wasn't picking up).  So I took her over to my doctor (who is also a ped) and I learned two things:
#1 - it's viral which means lots of TLC and Motrin/Tylenol
#2 - if your kid runs fever, give her tylenol to get the fever down.  It's a whole lot easier to examine a child who's not burning up.  I didn't know that...I thought that if I gave her something, I may not be able to give her antibiotics...I dunno - dumb mom move.  But again, I've never dealt with her having a fever before (or myself - I don't run fever - random fact about me)

Okay, so I'm rambling...and I'm feeling the first ever working mom dilemma.  Because obviously, we're keeping her home from daycare on Monday, and I can't stay home with her. It's the second day of school for my kids and I just cannot take the day.  Mike is in a pretty new job and for him to start taking days now just looks bad.  So we're relying on my mom to watch her Monday.  Honestly, she'll probably be feeling much better by then, but still...the one time she gets sick and I can't be with her.  That shits.  It's not the end of the world, my mother is a fabulous stand-in for me and Mike, but she's not Jenna's mommy. 

I can see pretty clearly what a different type of teacher I'm going to be this year.  I'm going to give my 100% because I don't know how not to, but my heart's going to be somewhere else.  And my ass is going to be out the door at 3:17 on Monday.

Oh the Guilt...

So I'm back at work this week setting up my classroom so it's all ready for the kids next week...and the guilt has started to set in.  It's weird because this whole month Jenna's been in daycare and I've been...well, enjoying myself - going to the beach, meeting friends for lunch, relaxing poolside...and honestly haven't felt guilty for one second.  But I head into work for the past two days and the guilt has been a little overwhelming. 

The only thing I can think of is that no matter where I was while she was in daycare this past month, if she needed me, I could be there in an instant, noone and nothing else needed me.  But now, I need to set up my classroom, I need to be prepared, I need to do my best.  One of my friends said to me today while I was stressing about what bulletin board should go where (which anyone who's a teacher knows, is kind of a big deal), "So you're still an A+ huh? I thought motherhood would chill you out a little."  It stung a little.  And then I got over it. Because I pride myself in being an A+.  I don't know how to do things half-ass.  Which is why I'm feeling the guilt.  Because now, in my life, something's gotta give.  And it's going to have to be my job.  I'm going to have to be the picture of efficiency.  And I'm going to have to make sure I put my daughter first and whatever doesn't get done at work one day, will get done the next.  She's more important. period.

When Did I Become the Expert?

This morning I got to be the "experienced" one...the mommy who already dealt with dropping her daughter off at daycare for the first time...the mommy who had the guilt/anxiety/excitement of the child's first day....the mommy who had knots in her stomach worrying about whether my daughter would be happy, if the kids would like her, if the teacher would love her....the mommy who was nervous about her napping on a cot for 2 hours....

My friend dropped her daughter off this morning to the same classroom that I have been dropping Jenna off to for the past month.  We had breakfast together after our uneventful (thank god) drop offs. 

I got to tell my friend how freaking happy Jenna is at her school...how when I say "we're going to school" in the morning, she runs to the door....how she runs into the classroom with a smile on her face, turns back blows me a kiss and keeps going....how when I pick her up there's a little part of me that thinks she's slightly disappointed that she has to leave this great place....how Jenna's teacher reminds me of myself when I was that young and working in daycare....how she's such a caring, loving teacher...how Jenna has learned SO MUCH there.

This breakfast was good for my friend (I hope) and just has good for me.  It reinforced what a good decision this was for my family.  Jenna's so happy and I don't have to worry about her and can deal with my own "back to school" jitters!!

I'm going back to school again

I have the butterflies in my stomach.
I just bought my first day outfit.
I'm reading and highlighting the curricula.
I'm making spreadhseets.
I started having the nightmares.

Yup...I am going back to school!


This year for the first time in almost 18 months, I'm heading back to work.  I've gone back and forth about how I feel about going back a thousand times over, but now that it's really here, I feel good about it. 

My thoughts behind the decision: I knew that we were going to put Jenna in some sort of half day (without mommy) program at some point over the next few months. I think as an 18 month old, it would be good for her to have some time with other kids and with another adult.  And I couldn't rationalize staying home and having her in a half day program.  That didn't make sense to us financially or logistically. So me going back to school was the decision we made.

So we put Jenna in daycare at the beginning of August to get her (and I) adjusted to this new routine.  And I could not be happier with the results.  Jenna is so happy there. It's week 3 right now and she waves bye to me and runs into her classroom.  She came home saying her colors and tons of words that I know I did not teach her. She's in a great mood before going and in an even better mood when I pick her up. Before my eyes she turned into a little girl. 

Anway, back to me and back to school.  The past few weeks, I've been talking more about work, about my students, about my classroom, about my curriculum, about trips, and about fun things I'm going to do...and less about naps, and parks, and eating, and diapers.  I've been doing some work every morning to prepare for the school year, enjoying some me time in the afternoon, and picking Jenna up after her nap and snack.

 I get to put on my mommy hat and enjoy, really enjoy, every minute with her.  I'm finding that I'm doing a better job at making my time with her quality time.  When I pick her up, I shut my phone my computer, and my brain to everything but her.  In the morning, before I drop her off, she has all of my attention.  I actually think I may be a better mommy for it.

Yesterday, I went clothes shopping with my mom(not much of my work wardrobe fits me anymore).  I put on an outfit and I said "This is Mrs. K---.  This is not mommy." For the first time in 18 months, I have another purpose right now other than being a mommy.  Mommy will always be my number one job, but I'm looking forward to having another purpose. I love my job and I'm good at it and I'm excited to be challenged and work hard and be successful at something other than motherhood. And I like who I work with.

I saw my friends from work the other day, and it made me even more confident in my decision.  I am a lucky girl, because I work with amazing people.  They have been not only my co-workers, but my friends for a really long time.  I've grown up with these women and I know that if I'm having a bad day or miss my little girl, I'll have great support at school. 

Jenna is so happy in her school and I'm going to be so happy at mine. 

This is a blog hop, so click and join in on the Back to School fun!

Every Couple Has Their 'Dance'

I've been thinking a lot about my job as a SAHM and how it will change when I head back to work and the roles my husband and I have chosen in our marriage.  Key word here for us is chosen.

Every couple has their what I like to call their own dance. The things that you do as a couple that may or may not work or be for everyone else.  With Mike and I it's kind of interesting because we both lived on our own before even meeting each other.  We both paid bills, maintained apartments, had jobs, cooked and had indpendent lives for close to ten years before moving in together.  We are both capable of taking care of things. So for me, I got to "give him" the chores that I didn't like doing and he got to "give me" the things he didn't like doing.  For one thing, Mike's in charge of the bills and money (which sometimes means that I have to explain what the $50 withdrawal was - but at the end of that day, I hate doing bills and he does them well). And I am in charge of the cooking around here. I like to cook and truthfully, I'm good at it.  Compromise. We compromise on tons of things around here - that's what marriage is, right?

Choosing to stay at home this past year and half made me feel at times like a 1950's housewife with a husband-provider who came home to dinner on the table.  But the difference for me is that I chose this and am lucky to have been able to choose this life.  It also helped me to know on those nights where I just couldn't deal, I had a husband who would throw his work hat off and put the dad hat on the second he walked in the door to help put Jenna to bed or cook dinner for us and give me some alone time. When it comes to Jenna, we really are 50/50 as much as possible.  I jokingly say that when Mike is around my "off duty" light goes on.

Now that she's a toddler, she chooses who puts her to bed at night (some nights it's me and some night's it's Daddy).  We tell her it's time for night night and she typically clings to one of us.  And if there's only one of us there, then it's not a problem. I think this back and forth is partly because we've always split up her "routine" things, even when she was an infant.  I remember when she was still waking to eat at midnight and 4 am - He took the 12 and I took the 4. It worked for us. It may not work for everyone.  Now if she wakes up during the night (which isn't too often thank god), we jokingly wait each other out in bed and inevitably one of us caves in to go take care of her. I think it's kind of funny (maybe because I usually end up waiting him out and get to stay in bed).

So I guess for us, some of our roles have been very traditional and other stuff has just been what works for us. It may probably will change when I go back to work next month but we'll make those changes as needed.  It'll always be a work in progress.  Some may say that I'm crazy for cooking dinner every night or not having my own bank account or that I shouldn't make him get up at night because he's working. But it's our business, our marriage and our dance.

just what i needed to hear

You know those people who always know the right thing to say at the right time. I am so freaking lucky because I actually have a few of those people in my life. I have a whole lot of stuff going on right now and Ive been feeling a little stresed and emotional about it all. You can read about some of it here and some other stuff is just not for the blogosphere...

After a kind of rough going day dealing with all the issues surrounding Jenna and daycare, and my guilt and her happiness...I open my email and I get this amazing note from one of those people in my life.  It doesn't really matter who she is, but she reads this and I hope she smiles when she does, because it made my day.  It's exactly what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it. 

I was concerned about you when I read your blog from yesterday. I know this is a very difficult time for you and there is nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel better. However, coming from someone who did the same thing and survived (not without tears) I can tell you that everything is going to be fine. Once you see how much fun she is having and how tired she is at the end of the day from all the fun and exciting activiites you will begin to feel better. You will also start to cherish the time you spend with her over the weekends even more and if you still have trouble you also know that you have a pretty terrific support system to help YOU deal with this transition (Jenna will be fine).


I so hope I can make other people feel better after a rough patch like she did for me.

my stress level

I'm one of those people who likes to seem to have it all together...it's a facade...I'm a good faker.
And right now, my ability to fake it is getting smaller and smaller. So I thought that if I list out the things that are stressing me, maybe it would help...

1. I am about to rock my daughter's world.  The world as she knows it is about to be turned upside down and inside out.  She's going to be starting daycare next week.  Don't tell me she's going to love it.   In her short life, she has never known what weekends are. She has never known a full day without her mommy.  She has never had to nap with kids all around her. And starting next week, I am asking her to stay in a place she's not really familiar with for long periods of time, with people she doesn't know.  Don't tell me it's good for her. Everytime I think about next week, I start to tear up. She's my little girl and it makes me sad to be dropping her off at daycare.  That's how I feel right now at this moment.  I know hope that she is going to love it.  She spent a little bit of time there and she loved that everything was her size.  But it doesn't make the transition any easier. As much as she doesn't know life without her mommy.  I don't know life without her right now either.  It'll be just as much as transition for me as it is for her.

2. Mike starts his new job on Monday...in Seattle.  The job is not in Seattle - but he's starting with a week out there for training.  A week. Without Mike. Without Jenna (see #1).  Now Mike and I are not the kind of couple that does things apart.  Other than an occasional bachelor party or business trip, we don't do the whole "apart" thing.  We've never been apart for a week. Ever. So, a week without Mike, Jenna's starting daycare....oh...

3. My brother in law and his grilfriend are coming to visit us next week.  He lives in the Czech Republic and comes in only once a year.  I cannot wait to see him and meet his girlfriend.  I've already sent him an email and let him know over Skype (seriously should do this if you don't already) that I may be what some may call a mess next week.  So he's been forewarned.  I'm hoping I can hold it together and show them a good New York time.  Mike told him he has to hold me together while he's away.  That's a pretty tall order and I hope he's up for the challenge. 

4.  Work starts soon.  I know I know teachers hate talking about school when it's still summer. But for me, August is like the end of the road.  I'm nervous/excited/anxious about going back to work.  I hope I'm still good at it.  I hope it's like riding a bike.

so the stress is high over here but i'm going to try to stay calm....

Guest Post: Evolution of the Playgroup

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about this guest post from Harm over at Baby To Go.  I've been asking her to post for me for a long time now, and she finally stopped traveling for long enough to write something for me.  She's out of her usual comfort zone (traveling with baby/toddler in tow) and writing about us...not her and I (although we're in here) us as in moms and our relationships with each other.

I would call Harm one of my best mommy friends, but in truth she's just one of my best friends.  I am lucky to have met her and so happy that our kids are growing up together.  She is a big reason why I am not looking forward to going back to work.  Okay, enough about my love for her - check out what she has to say about our playgroups and leave her some comments!!

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Parallel Play: The evolution of the playgroup

When my son was 5 weeks old, I ventured out to a new mom meet-up in our neighborhood. I was looking for some adults to talk to, and something to do. I never though I would meet so many great friends, with kids around the same age as C. That is how I met Melissa & Jenna.

Out of this weekly meet-up grew our little playgroup. We would meet weekly, at a rotating hostess’ apartment. The hostess would provide lunch, and we would sit around and chat while our babies lay on blankets and stared at each other. These playdates would last for 3 or 4 hours. Kids would nap if they were tired. They would eat, maybe play with some new toys… who knew how blissful this really was?

C dressed up for his 1st play date, June '09

Last fall we began to take classes together and in good weather, groups went for long walks in the neighborhood or out to lunch. As winter turned to spring, our group became a little more informal, meeting mainly at the local playgrounds and sometimes the park for a picnic. Enjoying the emerging nice weather after the snowy winter months.


But about three months ago, when my son started walking, any attempt to “socialize” with another mom & child, became not so fun. Picture me chasing after my son, with broken bits of adult conversation in between. In the past few months, play dates have been on hiatus, and maybe it’s just the warmer weather, but at the same time, now that the children are rambunctious toddlers, it’s hard to have 5 or 6 (or more!) kids running around an apartment. Meeting another mom for a stroll, or coffee (so fun and easy when they are little infants) is impossible. Even a trip to the zoo or children’s museum, each mom is running after their lil’one… usually in opposite directions!

There is also the nap factor. Most of the kids we know are in the 16-20 month range. And their naps are at different times, different lengths. Some kids have to be home to nap, some kids are more flexible with their nap schedules. So it makes even finding a time of day to get together quite tough.


So even though I “interact” with other moms (I haven’t morphed into a hermit, and btw, my kid has no nap schedule) I miss my mommy-friends and our get-togethers. I guess with everything baby-related, this is just a phase. You probably could coin it the parallel play phase. And I’m talking about the parents here, not the kids. As the kids grow, and become more self-sufficient, I’m hoping the play dates will evolve to where we moms can sit back on the couch, have a glass of vino, laugh about our husbands, while the kids play together.


At what age does that happen?

A Weekend Just for Us

This past weekend was really nice. For the first time in a really long while, we had absolutely no plans! This is a major thing for us because we're always running around and it was great to slow it down and do some local things, hang out and chill.

Since we're working on this whole one-nap a day thing.  We got up and got out Saturday morning.  They were announcing rain for most of the day, so we figured we'd take advantage of the good weather and hang at our local playground.  I love it there. We spend lots of time there and Jenna just loves it. Between the swings, the slides, the jungle gyms, she's one happy little girl. Had some brunch with my parents. Went to the local farmer's market (which is new in town) and bought some stuff for Mike for his NY Triathlon which is next Sunday.  Saw my brother for a little bit and just stayed close to home.  It was nice to have nowhere that we had to be. 

Sunday Mike took Jenna for a run (god how I love that jogging stroller!) and then we went to our playground which had an imagination playground.  It was super cool because although it's our same old playground, it had a bunch of new things to do for the day.  Then we went and got our free slurpies at 7-11...my first slurpie EVER.  (honestly, not so great, but my hubby loved it).  Went home for naptime and then ventured to a different playground in the afternoon.

This is the thing about this weekend - we didn't do anything too exciting or crazy, but the three of us got to spend a lot of time together doing stuff as a family.  Sometimes when we're running around, making all sorts of plans, I feel like I didn't get to spend time with my husband or my daughter.  So this weekend it was nice to do just that.

Do you hate parenting?

My favorite magazine, New York Magazine had this as it's front page this week:

I Love My Children.
I Hate My Life.

Online, it is a little less harsh:

All Joy and No Fun
Why Parents Hate Parenting

Umm...eye catcher much?! I got the magazine Tuesday afternoon and read the entire article before bed. (for those with kids at home, that's kind of a big deal)

If you have a chance, check out the article - and not just parents will be interested in what it says, I think, if anything, non-parents, or people comtemplating kids should absolutely read this article. 
Not that I agree with or feel the same way that the people in the article feel...but as with most things, there is some truth to it (at least for me).

Do I love my daughter?? Oh my god, words cannot express how much.  Seriously my heart fills up when I'm near her or even thinking about her.  It is the most overwhelming feeling, the love for your child.  Even when she's isn't being ahem perfect and I'm at my wits end, my love for her is immeasurable.

Do I hate my life? In a simple answer: No. 
Do I hate parenting? Ummm...being 100% honest here...sometimes.

But here's the thing, I was/am a 30-something new parent.  This may be controversial, but I think there's a big difference between a 20-something and a 30-something year old parent.  I had lots and lots of fun in my 20's.  I went out a lot. I drank a lot. I dated a lot. I lived on my own. I started my career. My motto was work hard play harder.  And 10 years, that's what I did.  And you know something, after 10 years, I was kinda over it.  And it just so happened that around that time I met my husband (and initially we partied hard together) and we started a life together.  One that was a bit slower...not as much partying not as much going out.  More nights in with sushi and wine. More one night "out" and the rest "in" and we were okay with all of that.

For us, it was a gradual change of lifestyle.  A change that we initiated. And one that continued when we had a baby.  Everyone says that everything changes when you have a baby and it does.  But I can honestly say that we were ready for the majority of those changes.  We welcomed most of them. 

Now are there days when I miss my 'former life'? Of course there are. I don't think I would be human if I didn't wish once in a while for a day when I all I had to worry about was myself and had little (if any) real responsibilities.  But that's not real life and that's not how I want to live.  So I welcome the nights when we drop Jenna off at grandparents for the night and go out and "party" and I think I've come to appreciate them more now than I ever did before I had a baby. 

But here's the thing, this whole parenting thing is not for everyone.  The sacrifices you make are astounding and for many (like me) are totally worth it.  But if you don't think it's for you, then please, don't have a kid just because it's the socially accepted thing to do because noone benefits from that. 

Check out the article and let me know what you think!

The End of Maternity Leave

My 'childcare leave' offically ended yesterday. Although I won't be going back to work until September, as a teacher, I will always have this time off with my daughter.  As I said this to my friend this morning, her response was, "Remember that most people get less time off then the time you still have left."
And this got me thinking about some things:

First, why is it okay that we only get 6 weeks maternity leave - I remember my first 6 weeks home, and you know what, I was a MESS! I have a lot of respect for people who go back to work after those 6 weeks, because I seriously don't think I was emotionally able to do much of anything at that point.  And in my job, those 6 weeks aren't even paid, I had to use whatever sick days I had in my bank  and borrow a few more- which actually means I'll be going back to work with negative days.  I'm sure that'll be great when I have a toddler who's sure to get sick at daycare in the fall...but whatever!

Second, it made me realize how fortunate I was to be able to stay home this long with my baby.  Not that it was easy, financially or emotionally, but we made lots of sacrifices because we thought it was important that I be home with her.  But the sacrifices have been worth it. 

And I'm going to do my best to make the next 8 weeks amazing for Jenna!

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Seeing into the Future

You know how sometimes you start to have a conversation about your hypothetical future and then all of a sudden it's 15 minutes later, and you're practically arguing over something that has not happened yet...no?? Well then you have never witnessed some of my best arguments with my hubby.

Tonight's argument was about Jenna (who is 15 months old) and her not-yet-conceived sibling(s) and their sports schedules in high school.  Seriously. Ridiculous. I think one of my winning quotes went something like this, "If you think I'm going to work all day then go driving around to pick Jenna up at 7pm from some practice with the little one (who, I repeat does not exist yet!), you're crazy!"

Umm...yeah we were arguing over how many sports she (and futures) will play and how often and how many weekends it would take up...until finally, Mike (who is definitely the more level headed one) said "You realize that we're arguing about something that may or may not happen 15 years from now!" And we both laughed and moved on....

But seriously, mark my words...I will not be schlepping around every freaking weekend or every night for sports teams.  Ahhh it feels good to have the last word in - even if the argument shouldn't even be discussed.

Plugged in Parenting

We get the newspaper delivered to our door each morning and while were eating our breakfast, I was perusing through the paper and checking my emails on my phone (I'm a great multi-tasker) when I came across this article

The Risks of Parenting While Plugged In

Check it out...or not...it's about parents and technology and how we're so worried about our kids overuse of technology but are we (parents) just as bad?

We've all seen it or done it:
-pushing our kid on the swing while talking on the phone
-texting a friend while 'playing' with our kids
-surfing the web on our laptop while kids are having a snack

I've even been known to judge caretakers who seem to be on the phone allthetime...But I have a few comments about this "problem" (I'm not sure we can call it that just yet)

As a stay at home mom, my smart phone is sometimes my lifeline to the outside world and my way of telling our family all the cute things Jenna is doing.  It's how I send my hubby cute pics of Jenna when he's having a tough day at work.  It's how I set up lunch dates or play dates with other mommies and their kids.  It's also where I got to video Jenna's first steps, upload it to youtube and send it out before I even got home that day. 

And then of course there are times where I'm using it just for fun - like checking out what's going on in the world of facebook or twitter.  And I don't know - does Jenna need my undivided total attention 24 hours a day?? I'm not sure.  I think there's something to be said for her playing by herself for a little while - I think it fosters independence. I also think that we'd like to have more children which means that she's going to have to be able to keep herself occupied for a bit when there's a little one around...

Or maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better because I'm guilty of this behavior sometimes. 

One mother's comment on the article...

A mother made a child wait a minute or two for her attention because she was doing something not directly involving him. She even let him fuss for a moment rather than instantly reward his whining.

And this is considered a "troubling" incident? Does the nitpicking and guilt tripping of the modern parent never end?

Back at Work...Sorta

I headed back to work for a planning day. Basically I got to spend the day with my fellow 3rd grade teachers and plan out the beginning of next year.  I went in without pay because I thought it would be a good way for me to "get me feet wet." Plus I got to see my class list and wrap my head around what work is going to be like for me next year...new grade, new teachers to work with, standardized tests....blah blah blah

It was hard to leave Jenna in the morning (my mom took off to take care of her) - I heard her crying as I left the house, but I knew she was in good hands.  And to be completely honest, it felt kinda good to be back - maybe it was because I knew it was only for a day, or maybe because it was definitely a worthwhile day at work (getting to plan like that is really awesome for a teacher), or maybe because ::eek:: I'm ready to go back to work. 

I am one of those lucky people who loves their job.  I seriously enjoy my time as a teacher and I actually think I'm pretty good at it.  So going back to work is not this horrible horrible thing for me.  And I think because I am kinda sorta looking forward to it - I'm feeling a little guilty.  I'm looking forward to being more than just a mommy (is that terrible?!?) I'm looking forward to talking about other kids, looking forward to complaining about paperwork or how everything is going to get done or how I'm going to get this kid to read....I also think I have the best job for a mommy - when push comes to shove, I only work for half the year, have many many many holidays off and (the obvious) every summer is mine to spend with my baby. 

And you know what else - coming home at the end of my day - Jenna RAN TO ME! It was the BEST mommy feeling in the whole world - she didn't forget who I was and wasn't mad that I abandoned her - but she was seriously psyched to see her mommy. And her mommy was just as psyched to see her baby. 

Balancing Act

So I completely lost my shit putting J to bed the other night when she gave me a hard time and my husband was at the gym training for the NYC Triathlon.  I didn't lose it with Jenna, I lost it with my husband...basically the minute he walked in I left the premises.  Literally. Took a walk to cool off and let Mike get her to bed.  Of course she went to sleep within 15 minutes for him after crying for me for 1 1/2 hours but who's counting.  On my cooling off walk, I called my my mother - she's one of three people in my life that can talk me back from the edge (my hubby and BFF Tara being the other two).  After 40+ years of marriage, my mom is pretty good at giving marital advice.  I was going on a rant about how he gets some downtime everyday communting to and from work and then takes an hour after work to go to the gym most nights. Basically she told me to communicate with Mike about how I need some more time for me. Now most of the time, I welcome his hour at the gym because Jenna is sleeping and I get to kind of unwind before he gets home.  But on occasion Jenna does not cooperate and it makes it difficult to deal with knowing that he's
working out (if he was still at work I wouldn't be as upset - but the fact that he's doing stuff just for him pisses me off).

He texted me that she was sleeping, I ended my call with my mom and went home and we talked and talked and talked about it.  We came to the conclusion that I need to get some time alone on the weekends (during the week is a bit difficult) and I need to be better at communicating that.  We compromised on some things...we're going to try having him come home straight from work and help me out and then go back out to the gym.  Now this will mean that we may not be eating together at night and I may be going to sleep alone, but it's only temporary until the race is over (in July). I respect that he really wants to do the race this year (it'll be his 5th) and he wants to be able to finish (it would be horrible if he started the race and couldn't finish).  Our other compromise was the purchase of a jogging stroller. This way on the weekends, he and Jenna can go for a run and I can have some time alone - kill two birds with one stone - he gets a workout and time with Jenna and I get some time alone.  I think it'll be worth the $400 price tag.  And who knows, maybe I'll even start jogging with her too!

I guess we'll be forever trying to figure out this balancing act of parenthood, marriage and individuality!

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My Day "Off"

If you're a follower then you know that this week I had a "day off." Hubby took control of all things Jenna and I got to take care of ME! I'm still amazed that I actually have to schedule time to do that, but the reality is that I do. 
There were some things I wanted to do for me but I also wanted to take advantage of J's naps and spend time with my hubby.  We started the day getting Jenna's blood drawn (beyond horrible experience - but that's for another post) then came back home for her morning nap.  I just relaxed and read my book, drank my coffee and hung out with Mike.  Once she woke up I got a manicure and pedicure while Mike took her to the park.  We met for lunch. I did some shopping and came home for her afternoon nap.  Then (the best part of my day) I took a bath while Mike took her out again.  It was awesome to sit in the bath and relax in the middle of the day. I wasn't worried that she'd wake up or if I had things to do around the house...I just soaked. 
I know there are some people that will probably say I didn't take enough advantage, but truth be told, I really enjoy my family.  I really like hanging out with Jenna - I think she's so freaking cute and funny and just fun to be around. 
I'm happy I got some time to do some things for me and happy that I have a supportive husband who encouraged me to do it.  I'm also happy that once she was sleeping for the night, Mike looked over at me and said "This is freaking hard...I'm exhausted!"