So I'm back at work this week setting up my classroom so it's all ready for the kids next week...and the guilt has started to set in. It's weird because this whole month Jenna's been in daycare and I've been...well, enjoying myself - going to the beach, meeting friends for lunch, relaxing poolside...and honestly haven't felt guilty for one second. But I head into work for the past two days and the guilt has been a little overwhelming.
The only thing I can think of is that no matter where I was while she was in daycare this past month, if she needed me, I could be there in an instant, noone and nothing else needed me. But now, I need to set up my classroom, I need to be prepared, I need to do my best. One of my friends said to me today while I was stressing about what bulletin board should go where (which anyone who's a teacher knows, is kind of a big deal), "So you're still an A+ huh? I thought motherhood would chill you out a little." It stung a little. And then I got over it. Because I pride myself in being an A+. I don't know how to do things half-ass. Which is why I'm feeling the guilt. Because now, in my life, something's gotta give. And it's going to have to be my job. I'm going to have to be the picture of efficiency. And I'm going to have to make sure I put my daughter first and whatever doesn't get done at work one day, will get done the next. She's more important. period.