So I'm back at work this week setting up my classroom so it's all ready for the kids next week...and the guilt has started to set in. It's weird because this whole month Jenna's been in daycare and I've been...well, enjoying myself - going to the beach, meeting friends for lunch, relaxing poolside...and honestly haven't felt guilty for one second. But I head into work for the past two days and the guilt has been a little overwhelming.
The only thing I can think of is that no matter where I was while she was in daycare this past month, if she needed me, I could be there in an instant, noone and nothing else needed me. But now, I need to set up my classroom, I need to be prepared, I need to do my best. One of my friends said to me today while I was stressing about what bulletin board should go where (which anyone who's a teacher knows, is kind of a big deal), "So you're still an A+ huh? I thought motherhood would chill you out a little." It stung a little. And then I got over it. Because I pride myself in being an A+. I don't know how to do things half-ass. Which is why I'm feeling the guilt. Because now, in my life, something's gotta give. And it's going to have to be my job. I'm going to have to be the picture of efficiency. And I'm going to have to make sure I put my daughter first and whatever doesn't get done at work one day, will get done the next. She's more important. period.
Showing posts with label time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label time. Show all posts
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
A Weekend Just for Us
This past weekend was really nice. For the first time in a really long while, we had absolutely no plans! This is a major thing for us because we're always running around and it was great to slow it down and do some local things, hang out and chill.
Since we're working on this whole one-nap a day thing. We got up and got out Saturday morning. They were announcing rain for most of the day, so we figured we'd take advantage of the good weather and hang at our local playground. I love it there. We spend lots of time there and Jenna just loves it. Between the swings, the slides, the jungle gyms, she's one happy little girl. Had some brunch with my parents. Went to the local farmer's market (which is new in town) and bought some stuff for Mike for his NY Triathlon which is next Sunday. Saw my brother for a little bit and just stayed close to home. It was nice to have nowhere that we had to be.
Sunday Mike took Jenna for a run (god how I love that jogging stroller!) and then we went to our playground which had an imagination playground. It was super cool because although it's our same old playground, it had a bunch of new things to do for the day. Then we went and got our free slurpies at 7-11...my first slurpie EVER. (honestly, not so great, but my hubby loved it). Went home for naptime and then ventured to a different playground in the afternoon.
This is the thing about this weekend - we didn't do anything too exciting or crazy, but the three of us got to spend a lot of time together doing stuff as a family. Sometimes when we're running around, making all sorts of plans, I feel like I didn't get to spend time with my husband or my daughter. So this weekend it was nice to do just that.
Since we're working on this whole one-nap a day thing. We got up and got out Saturday morning. They were announcing rain for most of the day, so we figured we'd take advantage of the good weather and hang at our local playground. I love it there. We spend lots of time there and Jenna just loves it. Between the swings, the slides, the jungle gyms, she's one happy little girl. Had some brunch with my parents. Went to the local farmer's market (which is new in town) and bought some stuff for Mike for his NY Triathlon which is next Sunday. Saw my brother for a little bit and just stayed close to home. It was nice to have nowhere that we had to be.
Sunday Mike took Jenna for a run (god how I love that jogging stroller!) and then we went to our playground which had an imagination playground. It was super cool because although it's our same old playground, it had a bunch of new things to do for the day. Then we went and got our free slurpies at 7-11...my first slurpie EVER. (honestly, not so great, but my hubby loved it). Went home for naptime and then ventured to a different playground in the afternoon.
This is the thing about this weekend - we didn't do anything too exciting or crazy, but the three of us got to spend a lot of time together doing stuff as a family. Sometimes when we're running around, making all sorts of plans, I feel like I didn't get to spend time with my husband or my daughter. So this weekend it was nice to do just that.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
My Daughter...The Teacher
My 14 month old daughter taught me a lesson today and just like any good teacher, she 'explained' it to me in multiple ways...
She taught me to ssssllllooooowwww down. Now I'm a born and raised New Yorker - we don't know the meaning of slowing down...I do everything fast, I talk fast, read fast, type fast, walk fast (even while lugging around a 20+ pound kid)...you get the picture.
But, as Jenna taught me, sometimes, it's okay (and even better) to take things slow.
Cases in point:
I had to move my car and decided to go stroller-less down to the car and just have her walk (and carried across the streets) with me. And it definitely took (a lot) longer than if I pushed her in the stroller. But I probably wouldn't have noticed every bird (5 of them), dog (2), and squirrel (3) that we passed along the way. Seeing her face light up and yell with glee at all these animal sightings was certainly worth the extra time.
At bedtime, she reiterated her 'teachings'. She was tired so I put her in the crib and I don't know what about her told me to stick around, but I did and I rubbed her back and played with her hair and just watched as she drifted off to sleep. And during that 15 minutes (that's all it really took) I thought about how adorable she is and how when I go back to work I won't have as much time with her as I do now and how I should really cherish these moments. And maybe it was me letting my mind wander to those nice places, but she went to sleep so peacefully and I felt a lot calmer too...
She taught me to ssssllllooooowwww down. Now I'm a born and raised New Yorker - we don't know the meaning of slowing down...I do everything fast, I talk fast, read fast, type fast, walk fast (even while lugging around a 20+ pound kid)...you get the picture.
But, as Jenna taught me, sometimes, it's okay (and even better) to take things slow.
Cases in point:
I had to move my car and decided to go stroller-less down to the car and just have her walk (and carried across the streets) with me. And it definitely took (a lot) longer than if I pushed her in the stroller. But I probably wouldn't have noticed every bird (5 of them), dog (2), and squirrel (3) that we passed along the way. Seeing her face light up and yell with glee at all these animal sightings was certainly worth the extra time.
At bedtime, she reiterated her 'teachings'. She was tired so I put her in the crib and I don't know what about her told me to stick around, but I did and I rubbed her back and played with her hair and just watched as she drifted off to sleep. And during that 15 minutes (that's all it really took) I thought about how adorable she is and how when I go back to work I won't have as much time with her as I do now and how I should really cherish these moments. And maybe it was me letting my mind wander to those nice places, but she went to sleep so peacefully and I felt a lot calmer too...
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Husband & Wife Time
This weekend Mike and I went out for dinner and Jenna slept at Grandma and Papa's house.
It was AMAZING!
Little J hasn't slept out in a couple of months - most babysitting has been at our house with us coming home late. So I was a little nervous about the overnight. I knew she would (eventually) fall asleep for them and I knew that they would never let her cry but I didn't want them to be up all night either - I would feel horrible.
So we took her over there around 4 ish and hung out for a while. We figured this would give her a better transition. I told them I probably wouldn't call but to call me if they needed anything. We heard her cry for a second when we walked out but according to them it was the only time she cried.
We went home, got dressed (I wore heels!!) and headed out. Mike had been working all week on finding a place for us that I would like. We started out at a champagne bar which was a great place, super cozy and it wasn't too crowded since it was before dinner. Then we went to a great Tapas restaurant. I'm not a super fancy person and we love Tapas, so this was PERFECT. We got to just talk and hang out. It felt like we were dating again, which was awesome. And even better, we got to come home to an empty apartment and sleep as late as we wanted. It was like we got to remember why we're married all over again.
When we got Jenna in the morning, my parents (truthfully) said she was great, fell asleep in my mom's arms around 8, slept in the pack n play til around 4, then slept in bed with them til 7:30. They had a blast and so did Jenna.
I'm thinking we need to do this more often....
It was AMAZING!
Little J hasn't slept out in a couple of months - most babysitting has been at our house with us coming home late. So I was a little nervous about the overnight. I knew she would (eventually) fall asleep for them and I knew that they would never let her cry but I didn't want them to be up all night either - I would feel horrible.
So we took her over there around 4 ish and hung out for a while. We figured this would give her a better transition. I told them I probably wouldn't call but to call me if they needed anything. We heard her cry for a second when we walked out but according to them it was the only time she cried.
We went home, got dressed (I wore heels!!) and headed out. Mike had been working all week on finding a place for us that I would like. We started out at a champagne bar which was a great place, super cozy and it wasn't too crowded since it was before dinner. Then we went to a great Tapas restaurant. I'm not a super fancy person and we love Tapas, so this was PERFECT. We got to just talk and hang out. It felt like we were dating again, which was awesome. And even better, we got to come home to an empty apartment and sleep as late as we wanted. It was like we got to remember why we're married all over again.
When we got Jenna in the morning, my parents (truthfully) said she was great, fell asleep in my mom's arms around 8, slept in the pack n play til around 4, then slept in bed with them til 7:30. They had a blast and so did Jenna.
I'm thinking we need to do this more often....
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Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Balancing Act
So I completely lost my shit putting J to bed the other night when she gave me a hard time and my husband was at the gym training for the NYC Triathlon. I didn't lose it with Jenna, I lost it with my husband...basically the minute he walked in I left the premises. Literally. Took a walk to cool off and let Mike get her to bed. Of course she went to sleep within 15 minutes for him after crying for me for 1 1/2 hours but who's counting. On my cooling off walk, I called my my mother - she's one of three people in my life that can talk me back from the edge (my hubby and BFF Tara being the other two). After 40+ years of marriage, my mom is pretty good at giving marital advice. I was going on a rant about how he gets some downtime everyday communting to and from work and then takes an hour after work to go to the gym most nights. Basically she told me to communicate with Mike about how I need some more time for me. Now most of the time, I welcome his hour at the gym because Jenna is sleeping and I get to kind of unwind before he gets home. But on occasion Jenna does not cooperate and it makes it difficult to deal with knowing that he's
working out (if he was still at work I wouldn't be as upset - but the fact that he's doing stuff just for him pisses me off).
He texted me that she was sleeping, I ended my call with my mom and went home and we talked and talked and talked about it. We came to the conclusion that I need to get some time alone on the weekends (during the week is a bit difficult) and I need to be better at communicating that. We compromised on some things...we're going to try having him come home straight from work and help me out and then go back out to the gym. Now this will mean that we may not be eating together at night and I may be going to sleep alone, but it's only temporary until the race is over (in July). I respect that he really wants to do the race this year (it'll be his 5th) and he wants to be able to finish (it would be horrible if he started the race and couldn't finish). Our other compromise was the purchase of a jogging stroller. This way on the weekends, he and Jenna can go for a run and I can have some time alone - kill two birds with one stone - he gets a workout and time with Jenna and I get some time alone. I think it'll be worth the $400 price tag. And who knows, maybe I'll even start jogging with her too!
I guess we'll be forever trying to figure out this balancing act of parenthood, marriage and individuality!
working out (if he was still at work I wouldn't be as upset - but the fact that he's doing stuff just for him pisses me off).
He texted me that she was sleeping, I ended my call with my mom and went home and we talked and talked and talked about it. We came to the conclusion that I need to get some time alone on the weekends (during the week is a bit difficult) and I need to be better at communicating that. We compromised on some things...we're going to try having him come home straight from work and help me out and then go back out to the gym. Now this will mean that we may not be eating together at night and I may be going to sleep alone, but it's only temporary until the race is over (in July). I respect that he really wants to do the race this year (it'll be his 5th) and he wants to be able to finish (it would be horrible if he started the race and couldn't finish). Our other compromise was the purchase of a jogging stroller. This way on the weekends, he and Jenna can go for a run and I can have some time alone - kill two birds with one stone - he gets a workout and time with Jenna and I get some time alone. I think it'll be worth the $400 price tag. And who knows, maybe I'll even start jogging with her too!
I guess we'll be forever trying to figure out this balancing act of parenthood, marriage and individuality!
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Saturday, May 22, 2010
My Day "Off"
If you're a follower then you know that this week I had a "day off." Hubby took control of all things Jenna and I got to take care of ME! I'm still amazed that I actually have to schedule time to do that, but the reality is that I do.
There were some things I wanted to do for me but I also wanted to take advantage of J's naps and spend time with my hubby. We started the day getting Jenna's blood drawn (beyond horrible experience - but that's for another post) then came back home for her morning nap. I just relaxed and read my book, drank my coffee and hung out with Mike. Once she woke up I got a manicure and pedicure while Mike took her to the park. We met for lunch. I did some shopping and came home for her afternoon nap. Then (the best part of my day) I took a bath while Mike took her out again. It was awesome to sit in the bath and relax in the middle of the day. I wasn't worried that she'd wake up or if I had things to do around the house...I just soaked.
I know there are some people that will probably say I didn't take enough advantage, but truth be told, I really enjoy my family. I really like hanging out with Jenna - I think she's so freaking cute and funny and just fun to be around.
I'm happy I got some time to do some things for me and happy that I have a supportive husband who encouraged me to do it. I'm also happy that once she was sleeping for the night, Mike looked over at me and said "This is freaking hard...I'm exhausted!"
There were some things I wanted to do for me but I also wanted to take advantage of J's naps and spend time with my hubby. We started the day getting Jenna's blood drawn (beyond horrible experience - but that's for another post) then came back home for her morning nap. I just relaxed and read my book, drank my coffee and hung out with Mike. Once she woke up I got a manicure and pedicure while Mike took her to the park. We met for lunch. I did some shopping and came home for her afternoon nap. Then (the best part of my day) I took a bath while Mike took her out again. It was awesome to sit in the bath and relax in the middle of the day. I wasn't worried that she'd wake up or if I had things to do around the house...I just soaked.
I know there are some people that will probably say I didn't take enough advantage, but truth be told, I really enjoy my family. I really like hanging out with Jenna - I think she's so freaking cute and funny and just fun to be around.
I'm happy I got some time to do some things for me and happy that I have a supportive husband who encouraged me to do it. I'm also happy that once she was sleeping for the night, Mike looked over at me and said "This is freaking hard...I'm exhausted!"
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Expert vs. Novice
My husband is one of the funniest people I know. He keeps me laughing so I keep him around...
This week he gave me a "day off" - after my ranting about how I don't get any "me" time - he gave me the day to do what I wanted (more on that later)
But in talking about my day, our conversation went like this:
Me: I think I should take your hours for my day off - leave at 8 am and come home around 8 pm. This way you get a full day with Jenna and when I come home I expect her to be sleeping, the house neat, and dinner on the table. Like I do for you.
Him: (sounding a little nervous) Really? All day? What are you going to do with all that time?
Me: I'm sure I'll figure it out. You'll see how exhausting it is to be in charge of her all day - even when she naps well.
Him: You know you've had all year with her to know her routine and grow with her. If I was put in charge for the full day it would be like having a novice player on the expert level...you can't expect him to succeed.
Me: So I'm an expert? And you're a novice?
Him: Yes and Jenna is like level 20.
Me: I'm an expert!
*I was pretty much kidding with him from the start - I just want a few hours to get a mani/pedi and buy some bras! I kind of want to have lunch with the two of them since it happens so infrequently...but I liked being called an expert!
This week he gave me a "day off" - after my ranting about how I don't get any "me" time - he gave me the day to do what I wanted (more on that later)
But in talking about my day, our conversation went like this:
Me: I think I should take your hours for my day off - leave at 8 am and come home around 8 pm. This way you get a full day with Jenna and when I come home I expect her to be sleeping, the house neat, and dinner on the table. Like I do for you.
Him: (sounding a little nervous) Really? All day? What are you going to do with all that time?
Me: I'm sure I'll figure it out. You'll see how exhausting it is to be in charge of her all day - even when she naps well.
Him: You know you've had all year with her to know her routine and grow with her. If I was put in charge for the full day it would be like having a novice player on the expert level...you can't expect him to succeed.
Me: So I'm an expert? And you're a novice?
Him: Yes and Jenna is like level 20.
Me: I'm an expert!
*I was pretty much kidding with him from the start - I just want a few hours to get a mani/pedi and buy some bras! I kind of want to have lunch with the two of them since it happens so infrequently...but I liked being called an expert!
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Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Mission Impossible
I had a plan for today...that's a joke right? Plans are a joke...But I made one anyway: Jenna would take her morning nap, we'd go to the park, have some lunch, go to our open play time at the gym, and then she'd take her afternoon nap (now here's the where it went wrong), during which I would go get a pedicure (afterall, it's flip flop weather and my toes are GROSS!) This is when Jenna laughed at my plan...well, not really, but it felt that way. This wasn't that crazy of an idea by the way, she usually goes right to sleep after gym time - like I can barely keep her up goes to sleep....But today I had a plan and I guess Jenna wasn't down with the plan....
So no pedicure for me - insteadangry diappointed mommy walked Jenna back home and put her in the crib where she's sleeping now - Too bad the pedicurist doesn't make housecalls...
I walked and walked and paced back and forth outside the nail salon trying to get her to nap - she was scratching at her eyes, but kept popping back up...then here's the kicker...a lady with a dog walked in front of the stroller and Jenna throws herself up tosses the pacifier out of the stroller and points going "doggie! doggie! doggie!" I seriously wanted to kill this lady for walking in front of us!
So no pedicure for me - instead
Saturday, May 15, 2010
"Me" Time
So I've been having a little trouble lately with this thing called "me-time." The problem is that I feel like I don't have any (or at least not enough of it). It kind of came to a head when I told Mike that I need new bras and really need to go to a good place for them (like get measured and stuff). He said that I've been telling him for months that I need new ones and why don't I just go shopping...In his defense, he meant well -in his head he was saying - "go! take care of what you need to! no problem!"
But when should I go shopping?? (insert sarcasm here) When Jenna is sitting nicely in her stroller for a few hours?? - right - cause she NEVER does that! Stroller sitting is down to about 20 minutes TOPS and that's with lots of snacks to help keep her occupied. I could go when she naps, you say? Well she naps in the morning around 8:30 am - find me a store that's open that early...and her afternoon naps can be anywhere from 25 minutes (today's) to 1 1/2 hours (yesterday's) - seriously hard to plan a shopping spree when her naps are so inconsistent. Weekends are an option I suppose, except it's the only time the three of us get to be together and we've been swamped lately with family and friend stuff. There hasn't been a block of a couple of hours where we're not doing something.
I didn't exactly explain this is a nice calm manner like I should have. It came off more as a rant (or a rage) about how I don't have time for some of the simplest things anymore. I went on and on about how we're going to Florida next month and I'd really like (need!) some new bathing suits and summer clothes...and honestly it's getting nice out and my toenails should not see the light of day (and that's unfortunate because flip flops and I are bffs). So the conclusion to this rant was that Mike would take a day off from work next week and I can have the day to myself to do things FOR ME!!
Mommy guilt is setting in as I think about my day off...Is it bad that I'm so looking forward to a day by myself??
PS - Discussed this with Mike a little further (after I wrote the post) and I was explaining how even though Jenna goes to sleep early, it's not really "Me" Time because I always have an ear on the monitor or waiting for him to get home and he said "Well that can be considered 'mmm time' - you know like half 'me' time"
I laughed - he's lucky he's funny.
But when should I go shopping?? (insert sarcasm here) When Jenna is sitting nicely in her stroller for a few hours?? - right - cause she NEVER does that! Stroller sitting is down to about 20 minutes TOPS and that's with lots of snacks to help keep her occupied. I could go when she naps, you say? Well she naps in the morning around 8:30 am - find me a store that's open that early...and her afternoon naps can be anywhere from 25 minutes (today's) to 1 1/2 hours (yesterday's) - seriously hard to plan a shopping spree when her naps are so inconsistent. Weekends are an option I suppose, except it's the only time the three of us get to be together and we've been swamped lately with family and friend stuff. There hasn't been a block of a couple of hours where we're not doing something.
I didn't exactly explain this is a nice calm manner like I should have. It came off more as a rant (or a rage) about how I don't have time for some of the simplest things anymore. I went on and on about how we're going to Florida next month and I'd really like (need!) some new bathing suits and summer clothes...and honestly it's getting nice out and my toenails should not see the light of day (and that's unfortunate because flip flops and I are bffs). So the conclusion to this rant was that Mike would take a day off from work next week and I can have the day to myself to do things FOR ME!!
Mommy guilt is setting in as I think about my day off...Is it bad that I'm so looking forward to a day by myself??
PS - Discussed this with Mike a little further (after I wrote the post) and I was explaining how even though Jenna goes to sleep early, it's not really "Me" Time because I always have an ear on the monitor or waiting for him to get home and he said "Well that can be considered 'mmm time' - you know like half 'me' time"
I laughed - he's lucky he's funny.
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