Definitely NOT Experts

A lot of times, our 'new-er' mom/dad friends will ask us our advice on all things parenting....especially sleep stuff.

Now I'll be the first to say it - we messed up the sleep thing with Jenna - I mean she's four and sleeps on our floor! When she was younger and we tried all the different methods out there of sleep training - she inevitably ended up crying and puking...crying and puking...it was awful.  At 18 months she catapulted herself from the crib and I don't think she's spent a single night since then on her own in her own bed.

Then came Alex...we were determined to do a better job with him and (fingers crossed) it's been pretty good.  He has been 'self soothing' himself to sleep for as long as I can remember and typically fusses for about 10 minutes and goes to sleep.  But as with anything, we have our ups and downs.  Toward the beginning of the summer, we had to let him cry it out and it lasted over an hour but then the next night, was back to normal.  Last night he wasn't really crying, but definitely fussing a lot in his crib and we were just letting him do his thing. After almost two hours(!) the monitor looked like this:

Asleep standing up! 

Just hoping his neck doesn't hurt in the morning!

My "Obsessions"

C'mon...look at the cuteness!

Here's the thing about having a second baby...for us, our family feels complete.  Some people have that feeling after one kid, some not until four kids, but for us, it's two.  Our magic number is four.  We feel like things are even - we can do man-on-man defense, there's an equal ratio of adults to children, and in our family, girls vs boys is an even matchup.

That being said, I am completely obsessed with my son.  On a side note - I don't get "obsessed" with anything (or anyone for that matter) - I actually hate the word "obsessed" and think it's dumb when people use it, but for the first time, I really feel this way about another person.  This little man is just so freaking cute, there are times when I literally just can't take it! I find myself so much more patient with all things "baby".  Even those middle of the night feedings, whether they  last for 20 minutes on a good night and on a bad night...well...we all know how those nights go. I find that I'm "enjoying" his babyhood much more than I did with my big girl. There's a whole slew of reasons for this "obsession" I suppose.  First, this is and always will be my baby.  And maybe he'll be spoiled (although I hope not), but I'm the baby of my family and I think I turned out ok. Second, he's my little guy.  I feel like there's this bond between mommies and their sons.  Maybe it's because I know one day he's going to marry someone and I'm going to be the proverbial "mother-in-law" so I guess I'll take all the love he's giving me now.  Third, he doesn't talk back to me...yet.

My beautiful big girl!

 The other thing that surprised me when I had a second child was how much  more I'm enjoying her now that there's a baby to compare her to.  I mean she is so independent.  I tell her to get ready to leave and she's able to put on her clothes, socks, shoes and jacket and is at the door waiting for me!  She's able to get snacks out of her cabinet and ice cream out of the freezer, by herself.  She puts her dishes in the sink, can eat by herself...I mean the list goes on and on. She's ridiculously amazing.  Now, for the sake of transparency, she is far from the perfect toddler.  She puts up a fight for lots of things that I think are ridiculous, and has definitely been dragged out of the park kicking and screaming (literally) but I still appreciate all that she can and does do.

For the first time since becoming a parent 3+ years ago, I feel like I am really, truly enjoying both of them for all that they can do and all the potential that they both have.

18 months going on 18 years

So after our night from hell, we hightailed it over to Buy Buy Baby to get some new gear for our big girl.

On our list:

Crib Tent and/or Toddler Bed

Potty Seat - not starting to train, but figured while I was there, might as well get it

Baby Proofing stuff (especially if we get the bed)

So here's how it went...the Crib Tent looks like a freaking cage.  I know it works for many families.  But I seriously think J would go batshit if we put that over her crib. And Mike? He was not into this at all.

So we went for the toddler bed.  I know she's a bit young for a bed, but I also thought she was a bit young to be climbing out of her crib.  So it is what it is.  I was also thinking that at daycare she naps on a close to the ground cot, so maybe the transition wouldn't be too crazy.

We bought something that looks like this one.  The one we got matched the rest of the furniture in her room and is a little curvier than this one, but you get the idea. 

While we were there, we picked up a Dora potty seat, which she was happily sitting on in the store and for $30 we figured why not...

Sunday went a little like this:

Before heading to our friends' house to watch some football, I was going to the bathroom and I asked J if she wanted to sit on the potty.  She nodded (I think) and jokingly I was telling her to "PUSH!" Honestly, it was more for the funny way she says "push" than anything else...but holy shit (pun intended) she pooped in the potty.  I didn't know what to do.  I was excited over her poop.  Now I know it was a total fluke, but as my friend from work said, at least she now knows what "push"means...

On our way home from our friends she fell asleep, we transfered her into the bed and a couple of hours later, she was pretty much out of her mind.  It must be pretty crazy waking up in a strange place in your own room...so into our bed she came - So I guess Night #1 = FAIL!

Now we're on night 2 and with a much longer wind down she did fall asleep in there - so fingers are crossed that she'll last longer in there than last night...

Oh transitions...they're so much fun!

Night from Hell

I had the night from hell Thursday night...and you know what sucks about this night? It started off so peaceful and relaxing and then went to shit.

Hubby was away on business (in my mind this means he's sleeping comfortably in a kings sized bed with no responsibilities to anyone but himself) and I actually got J to bed at the normal hour of 7:15 (she's been giving us some going to bed issues so this was great).  I call Mike and he says how great it is that we can both get a good night's sleep (obviously his guilt talking) and to enjoy the down time. KISS OF DEATH people!

Here's how my night played out....

9:15 - Wailing coming from sleeping toddler's room.  I go in and get her back to sleep
9:45 - More wailing...ok - I'll go right in...just have to pee...THUD! (I do not have a font size big enough for this thud). I freak the fuck out.  I run into J's room and she's on the floor.  She climbed out of her crib!! She's on the floor on all fours. I am scared shitless.  Seriously. I know most kids do this, but I have never heard anyone say that the thud is ridiculous and I can't stop my mind from wandering to all those "she could've..." places.  Seriously, I'm not a religious person, but there's a god somewhere watching over little children. 
10 - 10:15 - Call hubs in hysterics and I think hang up on him cause he's no help.  Call mom who kinda laughs at how "advanced" J is - she's only 18 months after all. 

Now here's where the fun part start

10:30 - 12:30 - I tried everyone of my mommy tricks to get her back to bed:
Rocking her - FAIL!
Milk - FAIL!
Dancing - FAIL!
In bed with me - FAIL!
Back in the crib - BIG ASS FAIL!
TV  - FAIL!

Finally after TWO hours of this insanity, I gave up - I laid down on our living room floor, left the TV on and closed my eyes.  At some point, she did too, because the next thing I remember is being woken up at 6 am with "Mommy milk Mommy milk" 

Now I am so freaking tired and just finished my Buy Buy Baby list which now includes a Crib Tent and a Toddler Bed (we'll see how either one of those works out!).

Daddy's Little Girl

Here's what the "new" thing is over here in Jenna-land...she LOOOOVES her daddy.  And when I say loves, I mean "get out of the way mommy, cause I see daddy!"

Now, on one hand, I think this is awesome.  I mean my husband is an amazing, hands-on dad who deserves all this love from his daughter.  I love that she reaches for him, that she goes to him when she gets upset, that she likes to cuddle in his arms when she just gets up. 

But lately, it's been a bit excessive.  The other night I literally could not get her to calm down for bed.  It was 'my turn' to put her in and Jenna would not have it.  She was literally screaming bloody murder until I gave in and gave her over to daddy and you know what she did?!? She calmed right down and cuddled in his arms with a big ass grin on her face.  I could almost hear her saying "ahh so much better." I know my feelings shouldn't be hurt, but c'mon!! I know it's just a phase. And quite honestly, the other night when she got up at 3 am for no reason and only wanted daddy, I was happy to oblige. But I'm her mommy, I pushed her out of a too-small hole and put my career on hold for almost 18 months to give her all of me...and all she wants now is daddy?!!?!

After that 3 am wake up, we brought her into bed with us and Mike (feeling a little guilty about the #1 daddy role lately) took a picture of us in the morning and said, "Look honey, she ended up cuddling with her mommy." Umm...I think he was just trying to make me feel better - it worked - aren't we cute?!?

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Sorry but my kid is awesome

I'm going to apologize ahead of time because honestly, after this past weeks craziness, I am so lucky to have an easy-going, laid back kid.  So seriously, stop reading right now if you don't want to hear about how great my daughter is or if you're going to hate me for it because she was amazing.

Here's a few highlights:

*Slept for an hour and a half on our flight down to Florida in Daddy's arms - this meant that not only was it 'easier' for us than entertaining her the whole time, but also that I got to chill and read my book and watch TV.

Sleeping baby on plane = very happy daddy & mommy

*When she got up - was perfectly happy to eat some snacks, flirt with the people sitting behind us, and color with her crayons.
* Although we messed with her typical schedule BIG TIME - she napped when we needed her to and went to bed at night (usually 2 hours after her normal bedtime) with no fuss
* Napped in her jogging stroller by the pool/beach - amazing because we got to hang with family, with each other and enjoy the pool and ocean without having to go back up to the room
                                                                                                          

*We ate dinner out both nights we were down there and she was amazing - ate her food, walked around a bit, but no fussing - We were totally prepared to be "those" parents who have to leave, but we weren't

*Our flight was delayed four hours -this meant that we were in the airport for close to 6 hours - this could have been a nightmare, but she was such a trooper -ran around with some other little kids and took an unexpected nap at a later hour which really helped keep us calm about the whole situation.

*Napped for almost the whole flight home and when we came home at 1:30am(!) she still went back to sleep for the night.

*Even though we had to wake her up in order to go upstate Saturday morning, she was such a happy girl all day, going from hand to hand and enjoying all the extended family's company.

Please don't hate me - I know we're lucky and on days when I forget or I'm feeling frustrated with her, I'll remember how great she was for us when we messed with her!

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Takin' Our Show on the Road

We're taking two trips this week:
Part 1 = Florida from Wed - Fri (flying)
Part 2 = Upstate NY for a Family Reunion (driving)

By the time this posts, we will have (hopefully) had a wonderful flight down to Florida and should be enjoying some beach/pool time as you read this...

But right now, I am in the midst of packing for the three of us to take a 3 day trip to Florida for hubby's grandpa's 90th birthday.  I don't know when a 3 day/2 night trip turned into using our largest suitcase, but I guess that's just what happens with a baby...In the days before parenthood, we probably would've packed two bookbags, carried it all on the plane, and called it a day.  Now it's making sure we have everything we need for Jenna - bathing suits, clothes, diapers, sunscreen, toys, books....(and hopefully we remember to pack some stuff for us too!) Her stuff takes up over half the bag and we're squeezing our stuff into the two corners.

Her stuff is taking over the bag

I have to keep reminding myself that this is a trip, not a vacation - As I've blogged about in the past (see this post), those are two very different things.  I actually reread that today to remind myself to manage my expectations with this trip.  It'll be great to see Jenna on the beach and hanging with her cousins who she's never met, and of course to celebrate the big 9-0! But to say it's going to be a relaxing beach vacation is probably a mistake.  I'm hoping she does well on the plane because the thought of three hours with a cranky baby does not sound like the best way to start a trip (sorry fellow Jet Blue-ers if this is the case). 

We're doing all we can to anticipate her needs for the plane, the hotel, and the driving that will take place all week...and hopefully we do a good job!

What's even more difficult is the fact that we come back on Friday, only to hit the road again on Saturday morning for a family reunion.  I'm definitely looking forward to this - there'll be all sorts of fun stuff for her to do once we're there, like pony rides and pool, but it'll definitely be a not-so-normal week.  I'm going to try to keep in mind that we're asking a lot of her this week, so if she's cranky or not sleeping as well as she normally does, well that's to be expected....

Looking forward to writing about our adventures when we get back!!

the support that holds me up....

This week hubby had an overnight business trip and I don't know why but this time I was feeling  nervous about being home alone with Jenna.  Maybe it's because for the last week or so hubby has been doing bedtime and I've taken the backseat....but who knows? I've been alone with her before (he's had other trips) and she's a really good girl - even at night, but for whatever reason, I was feeling a little nervous.

And this is why we moved where we did...to be close to family. My parents are spitting distance away and my brother and sister in law are a five minute ride.  So on a weeknight like this, when I needed wanted some extra hands, I had them.  My mom met me at the park in the afternoon and helped me chase Jenna around, giving me a little bit of a break.  Then came back to my house with my dad and helped me do all the bedtime stuff...and once J was in bed, I had dinner with them.  And when I say had dinner with them, I mean that they brought over food and my mom set the table and did the dishes (to my protest).  It was really nice being treated as a "guest" in my own home.  I didn't need them, but it was really nice to have them and  I think Jenna liked the extra company too - went to bed without a hitch and even slept a little later...hmmm maybe I should have them come over during the week more often....

My Daughter...The Teacher

My 14 month old daughter taught me a lesson today and just like any good teacher, she 'explained' it to me in multiple ways...

She taught me to ssssllllooooowwww down.  Now I'm a born and raised New Yorker - we don't know the meaning of slowing down...I do everything fast, I talk fast, read fast, type fast, walk fast (even while lugging around a 20+ pound kid)...you get the picture.

But, as Jenna taught me, sometimes, it's okay (and even better) to take things slow.

Cases in point:

I had to move my car and decided to go stroller-less down to the car and just have her walk (and carried across the streets) with me.  And it definitely took (a lot) longer than if I pushed her in the stroller.  But I probably wouldn't have noticed every bird (5 of them), dog (2), and squirrel (3) that we passed along the way.  Seeing her face light up and yell with glee at all these animal sightings was certainly worth the extra time.

At bedtime, she reiterated her 'teachings'.  She was tired so I put her in the crib and I don't know what about her told me to stick around, but I did and I rubbed her back and played with her hair and just watched as she drifted off to sleep.  And during that 15 minutes (that's all it really took) I thought about how adorable she is and how when I go back to work I won't have as much time with her as I do now and how I should really cherish these moments.  And maybe it was me letting my mind wander to those nice places, but she went to sleep so peacefully and I felt a lot calmer too...

Rules

Two of my close friends just had babies and I passed onto them a golden rule of parenting that was given to me when we first had Jenna...

Do not talk to your spouse between the hours of midnight and 5 am when caring for your baby.  Nothing good will come of it.

This may sound silly...but honestly at 2 am when you have a crying baby are you really going to say anything nice? When your kid is teething at 3 in the morning and you're so freaking tired you can't see straight, what productive conversation could you possibly have? I don't know about the rest of you but those middle of the night wakeups make me frustrated, tired and not a happy camper.  Not exactly a good state of mind to start talking about things.

When I first got this advice, I thought it was silly - we were still in the "we take care of our infant together in the middle of the night" phase. Then we realized that's it's dumb for both of us to be up and we should take turns (which we still do now) and inevitably the one who's up is not happy with the one who's still sleeping...hence the no talking rule.

We're usually pretty good about sticking to it and when one of us forgets the other reminds them.  Like last night, Jenna woke up from the crazy rain, I went in and got her back to sleep and when I came back to bed, I tried to have a whole conversation with Mike about the weather and I think I even tried to discuss some current events...his response? "Honey, what are you doing? We don't talk now." Right - those are the rules!

Everything is just a phase...

I am hesitantly writing this because...well if I say it (or write it) out loud then I may jinx myself...but I think our whole "cry before bed until I throw up" phase is over.

A little recap of Jenna's sleeping patterns...always a pretty good sleeper (luckily), but when she was around 6 months old, we Ferber-ized her (sounds so clinical) and it worked - then at around 10 months things started to get a little crazy again and we tried to Re-Feber-ize her.  Well at this point I guess she got pissed because if we let her cry - she puked...all over...and if we let her cry again...she would puke...again. It was terrible and sad and frustrating all at the same time.

(More detailed versions at Pity Party of One and Losing my Cool)

Puking Baby + Messy Floor + Crying + No Sleeping = VERY STRESSED mommy & daddy


Since Freber was obviously not working - we did some no-cry sleep solutions.  Which basically meant I hung out in her room til she fell asleep (usually around 10-15 min, but some nights longer).  Recently she seemed to be almost ready to not have me in there...and the last few nights I've actually walked right out after a kiss and a tuck into her sleep sac.  Listening carefully to the monitor (cause god knows I do not want to hear crying which can lead to puking) and all I've been hearing is some whimpering and then silence...Amazing!

Seriously, the puking was a really really really hard thing to handle - hopefully that phase is over...but as anyone with kids knows it's just a matter of time before there's something else...hmm what's next?!!?

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Babysitting

Just had a conversation with my hubby re: babysitters...

We have a baby who goes to sleep (pretty consistently) around 7:00.  She also (pretty consistently) sleeps until 6:00.  I know I know - we are very lucky.
Here's the catch - we were invited to a friend's house for dinner Friday night - we're talking BBQ!! To apartment dwellers like ourselves, this is awesome! Our friends have a kid who also goes to sleep around that time, but of course he'll be upstairs in his room, sleeping while we have dinner/drinks. 
Now J is not wonderful about falling asleep outside her normal routine (I guess that's the catch with consistency - you can't be inconsistent!!)
So I ask my parents to babysit Friday night so we can have a night out.  No big deal.  Grandma and Papa are happy to do it - Mom will come over early, hang out with J and then help me put her to bed...When hubby gets home, we'll go out.

I'm excited - I call Mike and his response?!!? "I don't think it's fair to make them just sit in our house while she sleeps."  Ummm that's what babysitters do! What are we supposed to do? Keep her up so they can have some quality time with her even though that probably means a very cranky baby on Saturday?  He said we'll discuss it later.

I think he's nuts. I'm going to win. I would like a night out with some friends.  Mike loves to BBQ. I think this is a no-brainer...

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Pacifier Update

I have given in to the paci!

Pacifier - 1 / Mommy - 0

I tried (well not sure that you can call it a real attempt) to stop using the pacifier with Jenna. She only uses it for naps and night sleep - so you will only see it in her mouth in her stroller or crib.  She also did away with the bottle so easily - I'm talking one day she had 4 bottles, the next day only straw cups - didn't even notice they were missing. Anyway, I thought it was the perfect day to try - she had two great naps, but on the early side, so by the time I was ready to put her in to bed I knew she was super tired.  So I figured why not take it away tonight.  I kissed her good night and put on her sleep sack and placed her gently in the crib and then...she WAILED...and then I shoved the paci in her mouth, she turned over and went to sleep.  I kid you not - right to sleep - see you in the morning!

My husband and I go back and forth - well I go back and forth - he thinks if it's not broke than why fix it.  I am now on his team.  We are fortunate enough to have a pretty good sleeper.  It is definitely an exception when she gets up in the middle of the night.  For the most part she sleeps from around 7pm to 6am give or take a 1/2 hour on either end.  Why would we mess with this?  As Mike says, she's only 13 months....So I am officially done talking...err...complaining about the paciier.  For now it's going to be our friend. In fact, I think I'm going to buy some more so I don't have to look all over the place when she tosses them from the crib...

I don't get kids...

I really don't - how come something that works for days, maybe even months one day stops working or takes an hiatus?!?!

Our bedtime routine has been working for a really long time - she's not a cry-it-out kid, she's a no-cry sleep solution kid! Basically we do our nighttime thing, same thing every night - dinner, bath, lights out, some Yo Gabba, milk and off to sleepy land with me sitting in her room and quietly leaving when she's settled...but tonight - apparently Jenna had other plans and forgot to fill me in!

I mean no real big deal - she did finally get to sleep but almost an hour after her typical time and with much more fuss than usual....

I just don't get kids!

My Love/Hate Relationship with the Pacifier

Okay so here it goes the great pacifier debate - one side says to get rid of it ASAP the other side says why mess with a good thing?  I get it...I get both sides of this - Jenna happens to be a good sleeper and one nights when she stirs (that's our word for a little whimper but not fully awake) that pacifier is literally a god send - stick it in and nighty night she goes...

But there's a much darker side to the pacifier...we have 3 in our rotation at the moment - she keeps one in her mouth and likes to hold onto others in her sleep.  I am obsessed with knowing where all 3 are at all times. They are different colors so we refer to them by color...I can't tell you how often our conversations go something like this:

Honey, where's the purple one?
I think it's in her crib
It's not - where is it???
Did you check the diaper bag or the floor or the stroller??

At this point I am frantically looking for a f**ing plastic thing all over my house.  RIDICULOUS!!
And Jenna likes to throw them - tosses them out of the crib (to which I am on my hands and knees searching for them) or out of the stroller (I have been known to backtrack a couple of blocks hoping to find this piece of plastic!) or out of the carseat (I have had to pull over to retrieve them from the floor)

I know there are many reasons to get rid of them - teeth, attachment...blah blah blah - I need to cut my attachment to these damn things and I am just tired of depending on a little thing to get my kid to sleep.

So Jenna's world and my world is about to be ROCKED because one of these days (soon) I am going to have the balls to throw them out and not look back.  My husband response "what do we do when she wakes up? How is she going to fall asleep?" Well...I guess we're just going to have to find out...god help us!

Obsessions

Lately I've been obsessed with something and I'm finding that my friends are obsessed with it as well:

SLEEP!

Not our sleep (although it is thoroughly affected) but our kids' sleep...not just did they or didn't they sleep last night, but what they did to get to sleep, how long did they sleep, where did they sleep, did they arouse from their sleep, did they sleep with a 'lovey', who was in the room when they fell asleep...and that's just some of the topics about their nighttime sleep...

Because as all mommies know - daytime sleep is just as important...how many naps, what time are the naps, how long are the naps, are the naps in the crib or in the stroller, are you always home for the naps, are they the same time everyday, do the naps affect their bedtime....on and on and on...who knew that SLEEP could be such a huge topic?!!?

I was starting to feel like I should boycott this topic of conversation all together - I was tired (pun intended) of talking about J's sleep and honestly tired of hearing about everyone else's kids' sleeping. But then I realized, the reason we talk about it so much is because it has such a major effect on our lives - sleep determines whether our kids are in good moods or cranky which in turn determines we (the mommies & daddies) are in good moods or cranky...so sleep it is!(which I am happy to report baby J is doing right now...)                         

 

                                                                                             

                                                                                         

  she used to sleep ANYWHERE!