Night from Hell

I had the night from hell Thursday night...and you know what sucks about this night? It started off so peaceful and relaxing and then went to shit.

Hubby was away on business (in my mind this means he's sleeping comfortably in a kings sized bed with no responsibilities to anyone but himself) and I actually got J to bed at the normal hour of 7:15 (she's been giving us some going to bed issues so this was great).  I call Mike and he says how great it is that we can both get a good night's sleep (obviously his guilt talking) and to enjoy the down time. KISS OF DEATH people!

Here's how my night played out....

9:15 - Wailing coming from sleeping toddler's room.  I go in and get her back to sleep
9:45 - More wailing...ok - I'll go right in...just have to pee...THUD! (I do not have a font size big enough for this thud). I freak the fuck out.  I run into J's room and she's on the floor.  She climbed out of her crib!! She's on the floor on all fours. I am scared shitless.  Seriously. I know most kids do this, but I have never heard anyone say that the thud is ridiculous and I can't stop my mind from wandering to all those "she could've..." places.  Seriously, I'm not a religious person, but there's a god somewhere watching over little children. 
10 - 10:15 - Call hubs in hysterics and I think hang up on him cause he's no help.  Call mom who kinda laughs at how "advanced" J is - she's only 18 months after all. 

Now here's where the fun part start

10:30 - 12:30 - I tried everyone of my mommy tricks to get her back to bed:
Rocking her - FAIL!
Milk - FAIL!
Dancing - FAIL!
In bed with me - FAIL!
Back in the crib - BIG ASS FAIL!
TV  - FAIL!

Finally after TWO hours of this insanity, I gave up - I laid down on our living room floor, left the TV on and closed my eyes.  At some point, she did too, because the next thing I remember is being woken up at 6 am with "Mommy milk Mommy milk" 

Now I am so freaking tired and just finished my Buy Buy Baby list which now includes a Crib Tent and a Toddler Bed (we'll see how either one of those works out!).

Fitting It All In

I took a break from blogging that last week or so because I was just too damn overwhelmed with life to even think about getting some coherent thoughts together and write them.
I'm back at work, teaching 27 third graders and in one simple word, I was tired.  I stayed home for a year and a half and trust me when I say I was tired then, but now it's pure exhaustion. 

I am a believer in the fact that there is no break for any mom - working or stay at home.  But right now I'm just figuring out how to do a quick switch from teacher to mommy without getting burnt out at either one of my 'jobs.'

I'm in the third week of school right now and it's starting to get better...and I took this week to do some stuff for me.  Wednesday night I went out with my girlfriends, Friday night I went to my first book club meeting (which was filled with lots of wine) and Saturday night, we had a double date while J slept at my parent's house.  Maybe it was because I was so busy and didn't have time to think about my triedness or maybe because J was back to sleeping well (now that she was feeling better), but I felt a bit more human this week. 

So now we're back to the question of fitting it all in - work time, mommy time, family time, and me time....

I May Have Married a Rock Star

The last few nights have been some of our worst ever.  I don't know if we're spoiled with a good sleeper but my body just can't handle the middle of the night wake ups.  Thinking back (and it's kind of strange that my memory is blurry) I was never great at it.  Very early on, when J was still waking up to eat at 12 and 4, I remember saying to Mike, I'll take the 4:00 because I needed to get a decent stretch of sleep in order to function.  Waking up at midnight was too early in my sleep.

But this weekend, we had a very sick little girl on our hands.  And middle of the night wakeups ensued...not to eat, but to medicate.  And not only are we not used to it, but now I'm back at work, where I can't really "fake it" during the day.   I love teaching, but one downside is that I can't just sit in front of my computer pretending to work and check emails.  I have 27 little kids who require a whole lot of me (especially this time of year). 

And Mike has been a rock star.  I'm talking as soon as he hears her stir over the monitor, he's in her room, settling her back in.  He's prepared with medicine, water, and hugs to get her back to sleep.  And all this with a smile mouthing to me "Go back to sleep, babe." I fought with him a few times, but then I stopped fighting and went back to bed.  Still awake, but at least resting. 

He's a rock star.
And so is a gigantic cup of coffee which keeps me from turning into a mean mean teacher. 

So thank you Mike and Dunkin!

Sick Baby = Sick to my stomach Mommy

It's Saturday over here (but you probably won't see this til Monday cause I have to see how tomorrow goes) and we are officially in the midst of Jenna's first real sick day.  We've been so lucky so far - she has never run a fever over 99.9 in her little life...but today she ran a whopping 103.7!!
I got nervous and for whatever reason her pediatricians' office phone lines were down and their offices were locked (I'll deal with that issue tomorrow - they're supposed to be open 7 days a week and phone line typically has an outgoing message with an emergency number, but the line wasn't picking up).  So I took her over to my doctor (who is also a ped) and I learned two things:
#1 - it's viral which means lots of TLC and Motrin/Tylenol
#2 - if your kid runs fever, give her tylenol to get the fever down.  It's a whole lot easier to examine a child who's not burning up.  I didn't know that...I thought that if I gave her something, I may not be able to give her antibiotics...I dunno - dumb mom move.  But again, I've never dealt with her having a fever before (or myself - I don't run fever - random fact about me)

Okay, so I'm rambling...and I'm feeling the first ever working mom dilemma.  Because obviously, we're keeping her home from daycare on Monday, and I can't stay home with her. It's the second day of school for my kids and I just cannot take the day.  Mike is in a pretty new job and for him to start taking days now just looks bad.  So we're relying on my mom to watch her Monday.  Honestly, she'll probably be feeling much better by then, but still...the one time she gets sick and I can't be with her.  That shits.  It's not the end of the world, my mother is a fabulous stand-in for me and Mike, but she's not Jenna's mommy. 

I can see pretty clearly what a different type of teacher I'm going to be this year.  I'm going to give my 100% because I don't know how not to, but my heart's going to be somewhere else.  And my ass is going to be out the door at 3:17 on Monday.

Oh the Guilt...

So I'm back at work this week setting up my classroom so it's all ready for the kids next week...and the guilt has started to set in.  It's weird because this whole month Jenna's been in daycare and I've been...well, enjoying myself - going to the beach, meeting friends for lunch, relaxing poolside...and honestly haven't felt guilty for one second.  But I head into work for the past two days and the guilt has been a little overwhelming. 

The only thing I can think of is that no matter where I was while she was in daycare this past month, if she needed me, I could be there in an instant, noone and nothing else needed me.  But now, I need to set up my classroom, I need to be prepared, I need to do my best.  One of my friends said to me today while I was stressing about what bulletin board should go where (which anyone who's a teacher knows, is kind of a big deal), "So you're still an A+ huh? I thought motherhood would chill you out a little."  It stung a little.  And then I got over it. Because I pride myself in being an A+.  I don't know how to do things half-ass.  Which is why I'm feeling the guilt.  Because now, in my life, something's gotta give.  And it's going to have to be my job.  I'm going to have to be the picture of efficiency.  And I'm going to have to make sure I put my daughter first and whatever doesn't get done at work one day, will get done the next.  She's more important. period.

I'm going back to school again

I have the butterflies in my stomach.
I just bought my first day outfit.
I'm reading and highlighting the curricula.
I'm making spreadhseets.
I started having the nightmares.

Yup...I am going back to school!


This year for the first time in almost 18 months, I'm heading back to work.  I've gone back and forth about how I feel about going back a thousand times over, but now that it's really here, I feel good about it. 

My thoughts behind the decision: I knew that we were going to put Jenna in some sort of half day (without mommy) program at some point over the next few months. I think as an 18 month old, it would be good for her to have some time with other kids and with another adult.  And I couldn't rationalize staying home and having her in a half day program.  That didn't make sense to us financially or logistically. So me going back to school was the decision we made.

So we put Jenna in daycare at the beginning of August to get her (and I) adjusted to this new routine.  And I could not be happier with the results.  Jenna is so happy there. It's week 3 right now and she waves bye to me and runs into her classroom.  She came home saying her colors and tons of words that I know I did not teach her. She's in a great mood before going and in an even better mood when I pick her up. Before my eyes she turned into a little girl. 

Anway, back to me and back to school.  The past few weeks, I've been talking more about work, about my students, about my classroom, about my curriculum, about trips, and about fun things I'm going to do...and less about naps, and parks, and eating, and diapers.  I've been doing some work every morning to prepare for the school year, enjoying some me time in the afternoon, and picking Jenna up after her nap and snack.

 I get to put on my mommy hat and enjoy, really enjoy, every minute with her.  I'm finding that I'm doing a better job at making my time with her quality time.  When I pick her up, I shut my phone my computer, and my brain to everything but her.  In the morning, before I drop her off, she has all of my attention.  I actually think I may be a better mommy for it.

Yesterday, I went clothes shopping with my mom(not much of my work wardrobe fits me anymore).  I put on an outfit and I said "This is Mrs. K---.  This is not mommy." For the first time in 18 months, I have another purpose right now other than being a mommy.  Mommy will always be my number one job, but I'm looking forward to having another purpose. I love my job and I'm good at it and I'm excited to be challenged and work hard and be successful at something other than motherhood. And I like who I work with.

I saw my friends from work the other day, and it made me even more confident in my decision.  I am a lucky girl, because I work with amazing people.  They have been not only my co-workers, but my friends for a really long time.  I've grown up with these women and I know that if I'm having a bad day or miss my little girl, I'll have great support at school. 

Jenna is so happy in her school and I'm going to be so happy at mine. 

This is a blog hop, so click and join in on the Back to School fun!

Maternity Leave Expectations

This week, my brother in law and his girlfriend came to visit.  He moved to the Czech Republic about 3 years ago to teach English and met his girlfriend who is from there.

The other night we got to talking about maternity leaves. She asked me why I was going back to work so soon...I was taken aback by the question because most mothers I know ask me how I was able to stay home so long.  And here she was asking me why I was going back to work after a year and half of staying home.  I went through my answer: partly financial, partly because I think Jenna was ready for some independent time and partly because when I (hopefully) have another baby I will stay home for longer because my teachers' salary will not pay for the childcare of two children. And partly because I would like to redo our kitchen and our bathroom...but that's a whole other thing altogether.

Then she told me how it works in the Czech Republic. Obviously the details are not 100% accurate because she has not gone through the process yet. But it goes something like this: paid maternity leave for 2, 3 or 4 years (to qualify you need to make a certain amount of money)

I found an article about this which said:
Within the first six months of their maternity leave, they have to decide which type of parental allowance they want to draw. Parents are free to choose between a two-year parental leave with a monthly contribution of 11,400 crowns, a three-year parental leave with a monthly contribution of 7,600 crowns or a four-year leave with a monthly contribution of 7,600 which is reduced to 3,800 when the child reaches 21 months of age. In short, the longer time they want to spend at home with their child the less money they get.

Leaving some of the details aside, what struck me most was two things:
#1 - Mothers may take a maternity leave for a significant amount of time to raise their children without the fear of losing their job. 
#2 - Not only is their job there for them when they get back, but they're given some sort of financial assistance while they are on leave.

Oh.my.god.
In the United States, there is no law that says women have to be paid for any maternity leave. I work for the Department of Education in NY and the 6 weeks you get for maternity leave is unpaid (you may use up all your sick days and borrow some, but that can leave you with negative days when you return, which is the case for me).  And in regard to job security, although as a tenured teacher, I have that, most of my friends who work in the private sector do not. 

I think it's very interesting the differences that exist around the world with regard to childcare and work.  I wonder if we had something like that in place here if more women would choose to stay home.

Daycare Day 1

The dreaded first day of daycare....went really well.

Dropped her off around 8:15am and she ran into the room with her adorable new teacher. I imagine it's pretty cool when everything and everyone is your size. I put her stuff in the cubby and snuck out before she could see me.  Got to the car and cried. It's hard leaving your kid in someone else's care.  For the record, we have left her before for extended periods of time, but never with anyone but family.
Called and spoke to the teacher around 10:00.  I so didn't want to be that mom but as my mom and sis in law said, "this is your baby and it's her FIRST day - call and check on her." So I did and the teacher said she was doing great and only cried for a few minutes.  (Part of me was like what the f**k?!? She doesn't miss me?!?) But of course it made me happy that she was having a good time.

Learning about musical instruments this week

I think she may be the next Picasso!

My big concern about daycare, especially for the first couple of days was/is the napping.  She still takes two naps most days, she's never napped on a cot before and she can sometimes be ::ahem:: a handful going to sleep.  So I called again (I am so that mom) around lunchtime and the teacher said she was still doing great and to leave her there for nap.  I hung up knowing that I had another two hours to myself before I could go get her and that was kinda really nice.
I went to pick her up around 2:30 and she had napped for an hour (the shortest nap of her class, but a nap nonetheless).  She was so so so excited to see me - the second she saw that I was there, she ran into my arms saying "mommy mommy" - god that felt good.
As a stay at home mom I don't get to have to many of those "oh my god it's so good to see you" hugs and kisses from her.  That was amazing.
The teacher said she had a wonderful day, was happy and friendly and easygoing.  As we walked out I started to cry again because well...I'm really proud of her.  She looks like such a big girl now and I am so relieved that she was so good for them and had fun.  I think she's going to do really well there. 

Love that there's a daily "report" & that she

cried for 10 min tops!

As a mom, I always said my goal is to raise an independent child and I think this whole daycare thing will really help with that.  I don't know if it will ever get easy to leave my daughter in someone else's care for extended periods of time, but I do think it's going to get smoother as the days go by.

Many of you got an email already, but I want to publicly thank all my friends/family who called to check on me today. I'm not usually the mushy type, but it was really nice to hear from everyone who was thinking of me/us today.  I felt really loved!! xoxo

my stress level

I'm one of those people who likes to seem to have it all together...it's a facade...I'm a good faker.
And right now, my ability to fake it is getting smaller and smaller. So I thought that if I list out the things that are stressing me, maybe it would help...

1. I am about to rock my daughter's world.  The world as she knows it is about to be turned upside down and inside out.  She's going to be starting daycare next week.  Don't tell me she's going to love it.   In her short life, she has never known what weekends are. She has never known a full day without her mommy.  She has never had to nap with kids all around her. And starting next week, I am asking her to stay in a place she's not really familiar with for long periods of time, with people she doesn't know.  Don't tell me it's good for her. Everytime I think about next week, I start to tear up. She's my little girl and it makes me sad to be dropping her off at daycare.  That's how I feel right now at this moment.  I know hope that she is going to love it.  She spent a little bit of time there and she loved that everything was her size.  But it doesn't make the transition any easier. As much as she doesn't know life without her mommy.  I don't know life without her right now either.  It'll be just as much as transition for me as it is for her.

2. Mike starts his new job on Monday...in Seattle.  The job is not in Seattle - but he's starting with a week out there for training.  A week. Without Mike. Without Jenna (see #1).  Now Mike and I are not the kind of couple that does things apart.  Other than an occasional bachelor party or business trip, we don't do the whole "apart" thing.  We've never been apart for a week. Ever. So, a week without Mike, Jenna's starting daycare....oh...

3. My brother in law and his grilfriend are coming to visit us next week.  He lives in the Czech Republic and comes in only once a year.  I cannot wait to see him and meet his girlfriend.  I've already sent him an email and let him know over Skype (seriously should do this if you don't already) that I may be what some may call a mess next week.  So he's been forewarned.  I'm hoping I can hold it together and show them a good New York time.  Mike told him he has to hold me together while he's away.  That's a pretty tall order and I hope he's up for the challenge. 

4.  Work starts soon.  I know I know teachers hate talking about school when it's still summer. But for me, August is like the end of the road.  I'm nervous/excited/anxious about going back to work.  I hope I'm still good at it.  I hope it's like riding a bike.

so the stress is high over here but i'm going to try to stay calm....

When 4 days feels like a week...in a good way

We hightailed it outta here on Friday.  I'm not mincing words here when I say that we needed some time off.  Between Mike not working to finding a job he's super excited about, to me going from SAHM to Working Mom in a few weeks to Jenna starting full time daycare in two weeks and lots of house guests coming and going the next few weeks...We took a well-deserved break.  I'm not going to call it a vacation (if you're a loyal follower you know this already) because I believe once you travel with kids, it's not really a vacation, but more a change of scenery. 
We drove up to Mystic, Ct., which is normally a 2 hour drive, but the traffic on Friday was RIDICULOUS, so we stopped off at Norwich for the Aquarium and dinner.  Jenna LOVED it! she was running around, touching animals, and playing with everything.

It was a great spur of the moment car decision to pull off the traffic-ridden road and try out a new place.  We got to hang there, grab some dinner and hit the road again (thank god the traffic died down) and got up to Mystic in time for bed.  Mystic was awesome.  We hit up the seaport and did a boat ride (Jenna's first), went to the aquarium there, and went to Ocean Beach Park. 

Loving the spray park!

Thing is, it wasn't what we did that was so good for us.  It was so nice to just be the three of us for four days straight.  We're big family people, so we're always seeing family and friends and sometimes our weekends feel like we don't get a minute to breathe.  So it was amazing for us to just be together, with no real plan of action.  We took family baths in our room jacuzzi...laughed all the way home from dinner one night just from making raspberries with our mouths...touched sting rays, starfish and shells...played in a spray park for what felt like hours...and realized that Jenna is in fact afraid of carousels. 

Jenna does not like carousels

It was great to just stop and enjoy ourselves.  It didn't matter that we ate dinner on the early side so Jenna could go to bed at a normal hour, or that we ate at family-friendly restaurants, as opposed to some fancier places (they have liquor and beer at the family friendly ones too), that we didn't get to read all about the seaport and it's history, or that we couldn't spend all day laying out at the beach.  It was great to be away.

And despite my feelings on these things, it actually felt like a vacation...

Our New Reality

We checked out Jenna's daycare this week. Although I had been there before for the tour and information and filled out all the paperwork, today was the finalization of everything.  We saw the room that she will be in, the kids that will be in her class, and her teachers.  She even got to hang out for storytime with her soon-to-be BFFs! She did great.  Mike and I stood watching her while she listened to the teacher read a story.  When she got a little antsy, it was the teacher who calmed her down. 

Honestly, I wanted to run and grab her when she got a little upset, and it took all my will power not to.  I can't believe she starts in two weeks.  Next week, we go in together and spend an hour or so on one or two days.  Then August 2nd, I drop her off. Period. I'll start be leaving her there for a few hours a day, working up to a full day by the second week. 

I'm having some mommy guilt about starting her in August when I technically don't go back to work until the very end of the month.  And I'm sure many will judge me for taking this time to transition.  But I'm okay with this decision.  I have been away from work for what will be 18 months.  I need time to get my head around it and get my shit together.  This is near impossible to do while watching a toddler.  And I really feel like the more "ready" I feel for work, the better and easier all this will be.  I also want to be around if they need me to come get her or if she gets sick. I won't be able to do that once I'm back at work (my mom will have to do that for us).  I think know she's going to be happy there - so many kids, so many toys, and all the furniture is her height! At the same time I know it's going to be very bittersweet for me. 

You are my sunshine!

How I love awards! Harmony from Baby to Go sent this my way...

Here are the rules


#1 Thank Harmony (a big thank you!) and you should go to her blog and check her out.
#2 Share ten things about myself.
#3 Pass this on to 10 bloggers(it'll probably be closer to 5 - sorry!)
#4 Let the bloggers know I've picked them for the award

Okeedokee 10 things about me...

#1 - I'm a lefty - well, I write with my left hand (meaning I usually have marker and pen ink all over my hands and arm) but do everything else with my right (weird - I know)
#2 - I hate shopping.  I hate browsing through stores with no real purpose.  The thought of spending the day at the mall seriously makes me nauseous.  I will only go shopping if I have a very specific thing to buy. Gift cards are probably one of the worst things to give me because they sit in my wallet forever!
#3 - I really trust my "sixth sense" - When I get that nervous feeling in my stomach - it's usually right
#4 - Studying abroad in London my junior year of college was one of the best decisions/experiences of my life - living in Europe and getting to travel all over was just amazing.  I hope Jenna wants to go abroad.
#5 - I try to act all tough, but inside I'm really a sissy.
#6 - I come from a long line of long marriages - my parents are at like 45 years (and still love each other), and I think there's only one divorce in my whole extended family (both sides) - I tell my husband - when we say "I do" it's seriously for life
#7 - I'm jealous of moms who can still wear bikinis - although I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight, those damn stretch marks did me in (eff you genes!)
#8 - I'm a huge "gamer" - I take competition very seriously.  Anything from license plate poker (ask me how to play) to scrabble (more than one person has cried during a game with my family) to headstand contests in the pool (Jen beat me last time) - I like to win.
#9 - I don't ever want to have a pet.  I like other people's pets, but have no desire to ever have one of my own.  I lived with a roommate who had a dog and you know what? The house smells - you get used to it when you live there, but that doesn't mean the smell goes away.  And I really don't believe that dogs belong in the city.
#10 - I'm feeling really sad about going back to work in September.


Passing some sunshine onto some blogs I've been really into lately and have linked up with a few times...




not only a great read, but I won my first contest through Cali and it was awesome!!

Katies Bookcase
I love reading, love reading reviews and this girl's got it all!







Thanks to these blogs for the Not Mom of the Year contest - loved doing it, loved reading the entries!!




Thank you for making me a better writer - writing the letters to myself was one of the best things I've ever written and I don't know if I would've had the courage without your linky!

Top Mommy Blogs just reset their numbers and I went back and forth as to how much begging I was going to do for votes because I guess it all comes down to "why am I doing this?"

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love to write.  And this has been a great way for me to write down all the little things that go on in our day to day lives.  I'm sure some people may find this boring, others may like reading about someone else's life, and I know family and friends like hearing all the Jenna and Mike stories.  It's also a way for me to document all my feelings about being a new mom, staying home, going back to work, and all the crazy emotions you feel.  I also think this is going to be an amazing gift to give my daughter when she's older.  I wish I could read about all the feelings my mom had when she was raising my brother and I...I'd love to hear about all the dumb stuff we did...and how we drove her crazy. 

Then I found there's this whole other world out there of moms doing the same thing I am, trying to figure this whole parenting thing out.  Some of their stories make me laugh, others make me cry, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one feeling the way I do. 

I don't get as many comments on the blog as I'd like to (not going to beg for them, but c'mon if you're reading it and have somehting to say, click on the comment button!).  But lots of people contact me in other ways about what I'm writing here (emails, wall posts on FB, texts, phone calls), so I know people are reading and (hopefully) liking what they see. 

I've even had a few random people (some blasts from the past in my life and some complete strangers) tell me thank you for things I've written here...so I'm going to keep it up as much as possible.  With going back to work in September, I'm hoping I can still keep this going.

And for the person reading this who's about to go on a long car ride with their toddler...a box of tissues can be an amazing toy to get you through traffic!

Jenna pulling all the tissues out of the box!

To answer my initial question, I will be doing a little bit of begging for votes because I think my blog is a worthwhile and good read. Top Mommy Blogs helps me get new people to read my blog...

so please click here to vote for Diary of a New Mom!

Thanks!

The End of Maternity Leave

My 'childcare leave' offically ended yesterday. Although I won't be going back to work until September, as a teacher, I will always have this time off with my daughter.  As I said this to my friend this morning, her response was, "Remember that most people get less time off then the time you still have left."
And this got me thinking about some things:

First, why is it okay that we only get 6 weeks maternity leave - I remember my first 6 weeks home, and you know what, I was a MESS! I have a lot of respect for people who go back to work after those 6 weeks, because I seriously don't think I was emotionally able to do much of anything at that point.  And in my job, those 6 weeks aren't even paid, I had to use whatever sick days I had in my bank  and borrow a few more- which actually means I'll be going back to work with negative days.  I'm sure that'll be great when I have a toddler who's sure to get sick at daycare in the fall...but whatever!

Second, it made me realize how fortunate I was to be able to stay home this long with my baby.  Not that it was easy, financially or emotionally, but we made lots of sacrifices because we thought it was important that I be home with her.  But the sacrifices have been worth it. 

And I'm going to do my best to make the next 8 weeks amazing for Jenna!

Please take a second and click here to vote for my blog on Top Mommy Blogs

Back at Work...Sorta

I headed back to work for a planning day. Basically I got to spend the day with my fellow 3rd grade teachers and plan out the beginning of next year.  I went in without pay because I thought it would be a good way for me to "get me feet wet." Plus I got to see my class list and wrap my head around what work is going to be like for me next year...new grade, new teachers to work with, standardized tests....blah blah blah

It was hard to leave Jenna in the morning (my mom took off to take care of her) - I heard her crying as I left the house, but I knew she was in good hands.  And to be completely honest, it felt kinda good to be back - maybe it was because I knew it was only for a day, or maybe because it was definitely a worthwhile day at work (getting to plan like that is really awesome for a teacher), or maybe because ::eek:: I'm ready to go back to work. 

I am one of those lucky people who loves their job.  I seriously enjoy my time as a teacher and I actually think I'm pretty good at it.  So going back to work is not this horrible horrible thing for me.  And I think because I am kinda sorta looking forward to it - I'm feeling a little guilty.  I'm looking forward to being more than just a mommy (is that terrible?!?) I'm looking forward to talking about other kids, looking forward to complaining about paperwork or how everything is going to get done or how I'm going to get this kid to read....I also think I have the best job for a mommy - when push comes to shove, I only work for half the year, have many many many holidays off and (the obvious) every summer is mine to spend with my baby. 

And you know what else - coming home at the end of my day - Jenna RAN TO ME! It was the BEST mommy feeling in the whole world - she didn't forget who I was and wasn't mad that I abandoned her - but she was seriously psyched to see her mommy. And her mommy was just as psyched to see her baby. 

Back to School

Spent the morning up at my school today - told my principal that I'll be back in September...told all the teachers...and saw all the kids.  It's funny how you can work in a place for years, but take a little bit of time off (for me it will be a total of 18 months) and it's like a foreign place.  I was so nervous heading over there today - not sure exactly what was making me nervous but just anxious about going back to my old life again I guess. 
I haven't been a teacher or a colleague or a professional for over a year - I've been a mommy.  And I hope that I keep a good perspective about things. 

After spending a couple of hours there, I realized that I'm very lucky - I work for good people, work with great people (some of my best friends) and the kids are fantastic.  I remember when I first went for an interview there and I had to do a lesson in front of several teachers, they asked if I was nervous and I said as I looked at all the kids in the classroom, "not anymore."  That's kind of how I felt today - seeing the kids, being in the classrooms, I know it will be nice to be back. 

Of course, I don't have to fill out official paperwork until September, so I can always change my mind (just kdding!)