Cheating

Zoos...museums...bounce places...parks...these are all places that we frequent often.  For the most part, we plan these trips thinking about what Jenna would like to do and where her friends are going to be.

But now that Alex is getting older, we have to consider him into our plans as well.  He's no longer the little brother who gets pushed around a stroller while his big sister gets to play. 

Last week, I spent the day with my little guy and his friends at the zoo.  He got to feed all the animals. He got to decide which direction we took. He got to share his picnic lunch with a friend.  All the big brothers and sisters were at camp and these little ones (all under 2) got to have it their way at the zoo.  

I felt like I was cheating on Jenna, being that she loves the zoo. And I was surprised that she didn't figure it out herself since she's such a sleuth! But it was so nice to just follow in Alex's lead.  

Shh! Don't tell Jenna he was holding hands with another girl!

How many more years til sleep away camp?

I feel like all any parent wants is for their kids to have more opportunities than they had.  

2011

I had an amazing childhood, filled with lots of opportunities but the one thing I kind of always wanted but didn't get was sleepaway camp.  

Jenna's 1st letter

Now, since I know my mom reads this, I want to let everyone know that I did go to day camp and then travel teen camp, and then in college, spent a semester abroad...But there was always sleepaway camp.  I still have letters from my friends that they wrote to me while they were away (stored in a closet at my parent's house).  

2012 - Carnival

Needless to say, I have talked to Mike about this, probably since before Jenna was born.  He had barely heard of these kinds of camps (obviously not from the NYC area).  And he's had mixed emotions about the thought of sending our kids away for the summer.  Now obviously, we have several years to make real decisions about this, but I think I need to lay the groundwork early on this one.

But as luck would have it, our very close family friends work at sleepaway camp and bring their two kids with them every summer (same age as Jenna and Alex). And we have made the trip to their camp for the past three summers.  

I don't have all the pictures yet from the "good" camera since our friends are still at camp and sending me pictures is not top on their priority list...but I can't wait to see the lake pictures -The girls got to swim, go tubing, canoeing and both my kids played on the 'aqua playground.'

2013 - Rock Band

I'm pretty sure I have Mike convinced to send the kids...or maybe I've convinced him to spend 6 weeks at camp without the kids...Either way we always have a blast when we go and they'll probably have two new campers in a few years!! 

How we keep in touch!

The Big Sister Effect

Alex is a lucky little guy - Jenna is an amazing big sister and they absolutely adore each other.
But of course, some umm less than 'manly' things come with having a sister...

Tea Parties Galore

A prince always wears his crown

Loving Dora

Boys can wear heels too

 Soon enough Alex will be playing superheroes and wrestling...but for now, Jenna loves her being in charge of her little doll  brother...

On a side note...a beautiful piece in the NYTimes about siblings...http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/26/opinion/sunday/bruni-the-gift-of-siblings.html?pagewanted=1&smid=tw-share

Transitions & Friends

You know when you have those days where you really think about certain aspects of your life? Well, today was one of those days for me...specifically with respect to my girlfriends that I've met over the last 2+ years.

Let me sidetrack for a second - a lot of my friends right now are in these 'transitional' phases in their lives (my term, not theirs).  One friend feels like she's the only one of her friends still single...another feels likes she's the only one of her friends having a baby...another feels like she's the only one getting married...another...and another...I could go on about me, my friends, and my acquaintances and the various ways we/they feel out of touch with their current friends.  Maybe it's the age group - we're (or at least most) are in our 30's and maybe the 30's are that weird decade where people move in different directions...

Well, either way, about 2+ years ago, I (in my 30's) was feeling pretty transitional myself.  I was a new mommy, in a new neighborhood with no close friends nearby, not working (by choice), and feeling a bit detached from some of my friends because of all those circumstances...and I felt lonely.

And I realized something...I had to find new friends - not replacements for my old friends, but additions to my circle because I needed people who would listen, understand, and give me advice about my kid's sleeping, eating and shitting habits.  Because let's face it, for better or worse, that was my life at that moment.

It was like dating (don't laugh - it's true).  I had to muster up the nerve to ask another mommy in my gym class for her number so we could make a play date. I had to swallow my pride and ask some other moms if I could join them for lunch after music class.  I had to join classes with my daughter without knowing a single person, hoping that maybe there would be another person in there I could be friends with.  I had my mother set me up on a blind "date" with her friend's daughter.  I went to Barnes and Noble and struck up conversations with strangers in the hopes of meeting new friends.  Seriously, how different is that from trying to meet Mr. Right?

And an amazing thing happened...I made friends.  And 2 years later, these women are no longer my "mommy" friends...they're my friends. period. We've all gone through a lot the past two years...from back to work sagas...to marriage issues...to new babies...or struggles with having more babies...to in-law troubles...basically all life issues.  Some of my friends are back at work (like me) and others are back part time and others haven't gone back.  Yet, we have formed a real bond as friends despite any differences we may have and it's really nice to see our kids grow up together. Some of these friends aren't just my friends, but Mike's friends as well.

So I guess my other realization is that as your life changes, so do the people around you and putting yourself out there is hard no matter what 'transition' you may be in.

5 Days

Five days...120 hours...4 bedtime routines....1 soccer game

That's how long we were away from our little girl.

And I'm going to say (without any guilt) that it was amazing.

Now I don't know if the grandparents were lying to make us feel better, but according to them, she was perfect...I think the word "angel" was used.  As parents, we're always obsessed with sleep and that was all I wanted - was for her to sleep well for them...and she did. Some minor bumps, but all in all "perfect" (their words, not mine).

Enough about her - let me get to us - the weather couldn't have been better, the swim up bar couldn't have had better daily cocktails, and the lazy river couldn't have been any - well - lazier.  We slept well, ate well, drank well and we got to watch our best friends get married on the beach - who could ask for better than that?

I am eternally grateful to our parents who happily watched our little girl and didn't make us feel guilty about it (in fact, they told us we deserved it).

We missed our little girl, and she definitely missed us, but we didn't spend our days talking about her...and honestly the look on her face when she saw us walk through the door was worth going away for.  We got to be just Melissa and Mike...just husband and wife...for 5 wonderful days.

Viva la Mexico!

Tomorrow will be the beginning of our longest time away from our little girl.  We have a wedding in Mexico and decided months ago to make a mini-vacation out of it.  We'll be gone from Thursday (probably before she wakes) until Monday (hopefully back so we can do dinner and bedtime with her).

We've left her with grandparents a couple of times...we went to Vegas (twice) and had a couple of overnight trips as well.

But this feels different.  We'll be out of the country.  I don't know if our cell phones will work everywhere. Wifi is limited.  So this time, we won't be in constant contact with her. Instead, it will probably be more of a 'touch base' in the morning kind of thing. It's also the first time other people will be getting her ready and taking her to school in the morning.  We're trying to keep her schedule as close to normal as possible.  And I have to somehow resist the urge to write out every.little.thing we do for her on a daily basis to leave for the grandparents.

Don't get me wrong, I am so looking forward to this trip...we've had a rough couple of months and can use some time away to just be Melissa and Mike, Husband and Wife.

So I guess we'll put our complete (and well deserved) trust in her wonderful grandparents and know that we're going to come back being a better Mommy and Daddy.

Playdates After Hours

In college, the parties that happened after the bars closed and after the "regular" parties were called After Hours.  I think I may have majored in After Hours in college...but that's a story for another time.

These days I'm in a very weird place.  I'm now a 'working mom'.  Going back to work had me really nervous about how I would keep in touch with all my mom-friends (who aren't just mom-friends anymore, but just friends).  But here was the unexpected surprise, I still get to see my Stay at Home Mom friends (most of them are still at home, at least part time). And I guess I have the kids to thank for that.

In the early days of being home, the kiddies were all napping twice a day - morning and afternoon, so our playdates were usually lunch dates.  And they were great, we got to sit and chit chat and eat lunch while the kids played around us.  This was before they were all walking  running around.  When we could actually sit and chill and lament about parenthood and our sex lives.  Then the playdates kind of went away. The kids were all napping at different times, our classes were scattered, and it was hard to find a day and time that worked for us. And now, they seem to be back in action, and I couldn't be happier about it.  First of all, they're happening after the kids' naptimes which is usually anywhere from 12-3.  So the playdates are around 3:30/4:00 which mean my school teacher self gets to make it to them!

And now, they've gotten easier - the kids play with the toys and each other (as much as toddlers do) and except for the occassional "fight" over a toy, we get to hang out and chat about our kids, our husbands, and all the other crap going on in our lives. 
I'm feeling lucky.  Lucky to have met a group of women who love my kid.  A group of women who still include me even though I'm a "working mom" now.  A group of women who ask me how school is when I show up at the play date.  A group of women who have been with me through a whole lot of sh**. 

It's nice to be back in the playdate circle.

Now I just have to figure out how to get my act together and host one....hmmm maybe Veteran's Day or some other day when I have off....

Daycare Day 1

The dreaded first day of daycare....went really well.

Dropped her off around 8:15am and she ran into the room with her adorable new teacher. I imagine it's pretty cool when everything and everyone is your size. I put her stuff in the cubby and snuck out before she could see me.  Got to the car and cried. It's hard leaving your kid in someone else's care.  For the record, we have left her before for extended periods of time, but never with anyone but family.
Called and spoke to the teacher around 10:00.  I so didn't want to be that mom but as my mom and sis in law said, "this is your baby and it's her FIRST day - call and check on her." So I did and the teacher said she was doing great and only cried for a few minutes.  (Part of me was like what the f**k?!? She doesn't miss me?!?) But of course it made me happy that she was having a good time.

Learning about musical instruments this week

I think she may be the next Picasso!

My big concern about daycare, especially for the first couple of days was/is the napping.  She still takes two naps most days, she's never napped on a cot before and she can sometimes be ::ahem:: a handful going to sleep.  So I called again (I am so that mom) around lunchtime and the teacher said she was still doing great and to leave her there for nap.  I hung up knowing that I had another two hours to myself before I could go get her and that was kinda really nice.
I went to pick her up around 2:30 and she had napped for an hour (the shortest nap of her class, but a nap nonetheless).  She was so so so excited to see me - the second she saw that I was there, she ran into my arms saying "mommy mommy" - god that felt good.
As a stay at home mom I don't get to have to many of those "oh my god it's so good to see you" hugs and kisses from her.  That was amazing.
The teacher said she had a wonderful day, was happy and friendly and easygoing.  As we walked out I started to cry again because well...I'm really proud of her.  She looks like such a big girl now and I am so relieved that she was so good for them and had fun.  I think she's going to do really well there. 

Love that there's a daily "report" & that she

cried for 10 min tops!

As a mom, I always said my goal is to raise an independent child and I think this whole daycare thing will really help with that.  I don't know if it will ever get easy to leave my daughter in someone else's care for extended periods of time, but I do think it's going to get smoother as the days go by.

Many of you got an email already, but I want to publicly thank all my friends/family who called to check on me today. I'm not usually the mushy type, but it was really nice to hear from everyone who was thinking of me/us today.  I felt really loved!! xoxo

Guest Post: Evolution of the Playgroup

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about this guest post from Harm over at Baby To Go.  I've been asking her to post for me for a long time now, and she finally stopped traveling for long enough to write something for me.  She's out of her usual comfort zone (traveling with baby/toddler in tow) and writing about us...not her and I (although we're in here) us as in moms and our relationships with each other.

I would call Harm one of my best mommy friends, but in truth she's just one of my best friends.  I am lucky to have met her and so happy that our kids are growing up together.  She is a big reason why I am not looking forward to going back to work.  Okay, enough about my love for her - check out what she has to say about our playgroups and leave her some comments!!

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Parallel Play: The evolution of the playgroup

When my son was 5 weeks old, I ventured out to a new mom meet-up in our neighborhood. I was looking for some adults to talk to, and something to do. I never though I would meet so many great friends, with kids around the same age as C. That is how I met Melissa & Jenna.

Out of this weekly meet-up grew our little playgroup. We would meet weekly, at a rotating hostess’ apartment. The hostess would provide lunch, and we would sit around and chat while our babies lay on blankets and stared at each other. These playdates would last for 3 or 4 hours. Kids would nap if they were tired. They would eat, maybe play with some new toys… who knew how blissful this really was?

C dressed up for his 1st play date, June '09

Last fall we began to take classes together and in good weather, groups went for long walks in the neighborhood or out to lunch. As winter turned to spring, our group became a little more informal, meeting mainly at the local playgrounds and sometimes the park for a picnic. Enjoying the emerging nice weather after the snowy winter months.


But about three months ago, when my son started walking, any attempt to “socialize” with another mom & child, became not so fun. Picture me chasing after my son, with broken bits of adult conversation in between. In the past few months, play dates have been on hiatus, and maybe it’s just the warmer weather, but at the same time, now that the children are rambunctious toddlers, it’s hard to have 5 or 6 (or more!) kids running around an apartment. Meeting another mom for a stroll, or coffee (so fun and easy when they are little infants) is impossible. Even a trip to the zoo or children’s museum, each mom is running after their lil’one… usually in opposite directions!

There is also the nap factor. Most of the kids we know are in the 16-20 month range. And their naps are at different times, different lengths. Some kids have to be home to nap, some kids are more flexible with their nap schedules. So it makes even finding a time of day to get together quite tough.


So even though I “interact” with other moms (I haven’t morphed into a hermit, and btw, my kid has no nap schedule) I miss my mommy-friends and our get-togethers. I guess with everything baby-related, this is just a phase. You probably could coin it the parallel play phase. And I’m talking about the parents here, not the kids. As the kids grow, and become more self-sufficient, I’m hoping the play dates will evolve to where we moms can sit back on the couch, have a glass of vino, laugh about our husbands, while the kids play together.


At what age does that happen?

Letters to Myself

Join in the letter writing campaign at Raising Madison.
This was hands-down one of the hardest posts I've ever written...please be kind.

Dear pre-teen me,
Don't buy those red glasses.  Even though mommy says you look beautiful.  How can I put this nicely? You look kinda dorky.  And for the rest of your life, you're going to have to look at your Bat-Mitzvah pictures and see those red glasses.  Oh and the bangs...I know all the girls have them, but your hair is not cut out for bangs.  you barely know how to use a hair dryer and wavy bangs are just not the way to go.  So between the red glasses and the bangs, those pictures are going to be hard to look at.  But just know that this coming summer, you're going to grow out those bangs and get contacts which will change.your.life.  People won't even recognize you in September and you're going to feel really pretty and guess what? Boys are actually going to start paying attention to you!


Dear teenager me,
You may think you know everything, but you don't.  That boy that you're dating-ugh! You're parents are very right about him.  Get rid of him ASAP.  But if you don't, don't worry there will be others who are much more worthy of your time! Try to be nicer to your parents.  They're really smart people.  And they give you a lot of freedom, you should try to respect them a little more.  You're going to get caught smoking something not exactly FDA approved. It's a long story, but you'll have a scar on your thigh for the rest of your life to remind you of that night. Mom and Dad are not going to be happy with you, but you will gain their trust back and one day will even be able to laugh about it.  But seriously, don't laugh about it now, they're pissed off.  Keep up the good work at school - that high school was a great choice, lots of hard work, but it'll really prepare you for college.

Dear college-age me,
Okay, I want to tell you that you should go to Bio and maybe then you'll be the doctor you always wanted to be, but I think you end up pretty happy. So you know what, keep skipping that class (who the hell makes Bio 101 at 8:30 in the morning anyway?!?) and learn what it's like for the first time in your life to fail a class.  Psychology is a much better choice for you anyway.  Also, don't be such a bitch to Brian at that date party - you end up with a loser.  You're going to grow up a lot during these years.  Be really grateful that mom and dad took out a loan so you could study abroad. Enjoy your time there cause you think you're going to get back to Europe really soon, but it'll actually take you several years to get back there. So enjoy every second. You're going to make a huge decision there, consider it a lIfe lesson learned...Know that you made the right decision.  It was a  hard one to make. But in the end, it's really what's best.  You will never regret it.  The girls you live with now are going to be your bridesmaids at your wedding - they're good people.  You loved college, loved studying abroad, did some stupid shit and you made it out alive.

Dear 23 year old me,
You're going to think the world is ending, it may change forever, but it doesn't end.  Wait for dad at your office, he would never leave the city without you.  Call your new sister in law, she's the only one with phone service who can tell mom that you and dad are okay. You both get home safe and in a roundabout way this changes your career path.  Follow the new one.  You're going to love being a teacher, even though you never wanted to be one because mom and Neil already do it.  It's a perfect fit for you and it'll be even better fit when you become a mom. 

Dear 26 year old me,
Your heart is broken, but in just a few months, you're going to meet your soul mate.  You'll know it from the first date.  Give yourself some time to heal and get back out there because he's waiting for you.  Let people set you up on blind dates (especially Sue's friend Lana) and don't waste your time on guys that aren't worth it.  The guy you're going to meet this summer is going to make you laugh harder than you've laughed ever.  He's going to make you smile everyday and you will be unable to stay mad at him, even when you want to.  Even though you're scared to move in with him, follow your heart, he's a keeper.  And Jersey is not so bad, you'll even grow to like it, even though you'll always be a Queens girl at heart. Don't worry, you'll be able to convince him that NY is where it's at and your 3 hour commutes will be over.

Dear 29/30 year old me,
Don't become consumed with planning your wedding.  At the end of those 5 hours, it's just you and him and a lifetime together.  Remember that it's about the marriage and not the wedding.  This is going to be a year of changes for you - new home, new marriage, and new baby.  Try to enjoy all the small things.  They go super fast.  And you will survive living with your parents (and you'll even like it). They're going to take good care of you while you're pregnant and you won't have to lift a finger.  When you finally get into your new apartment, enjoy the first few days, because Jenna is going to be two weeks early! You're going to love her at first sight.  It's a love like you have never known.  Those first six weeks are going to suck big time, but it'll all be worth it.  Give her formula for god sake.  It'll be better for you and for her.  Don't feel guilty! And don't worry, the crying will eventually stop - hers and yours.

Dear 31 year old me,
Enjoy every minute of this time with Jenna.  You are one lucky momma to be able to stay home with her and see her grow this past year and a half.  Don't listen when people say you're nuts to start taking classes so early.  You need this - you're going to make amazing new friends there - let them into your life. They're worth it!  There are going to be some really tough days when you lose your shit so don't be afraid to ask for help.  Don't let your pride get in the way.  You moved closer to family to have the support - use it! Nobody will judge you for having a bad day.  And go away on that long weekend with Mike - you both need some time to be together. Try not to forget that in addition to being a mommy, you're still a wife and an individual too.

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The Outside Looking In

Every once in a while I feel like an outsider to my former life.  I love where I am right now but every once in a while - like an itch you can't reach - I remember the person I used to be and can't believe we're the same person. 

Let me just say that the majority of my close pre-Jenna friends do not have kids.  So our lives are just different.  I had a conversation with a friend about how Mike and I don't really go out that much anymore and she said 'well none of us go out that much anymore.' And I kind of laughed because she had plans that night to go out with a bunch of girls for dinner.  I said everyone may not party as much anymore, but I'm definitely in a place where even a dinner out is kind of a big deal and a lot of work to get done.  Between babysitters and bedtime and where's Jenna going to be - sometimes most of the time it's just easier to stay in.

For us, weekends are important, it's the only time that the three of us get to spend together and we try to make them as fun as possible.  Our weekends are more likely to include spending time with family (who let's be honest want to see the kid), or at the playground, or the Botanical Gardens or the Children's Museum of Manhattan or places like that as opposed to our friends' parties which usually involve afternoon drinking and eating. Trust me when I say that a day like that sounds amazing, just not necessarily in the cards for us right now.  Asking grandparents to babysit all afternoon into evening on a Saturday so we can go get plastered just doesn't seem realistic right now.  It's just a new reality that we're getting used to. 

Don't get me wrong, I really do love where we are right now, it's just that many of our friends are not in the same place, so at times, that can be difficult.  I know some of my friends are going to read this and I hope they don't take it the wrong way because I really do miss spending a lot of time with them and I hope they don't get upset when we have to miss things.  And it's not that we're using Jenna as an excuse - it's just that our priorities are completely different than they were 2 years ago.  Everyone says that when you become a parent "everything changes." And I expected for me to change but I think they forget to tell you that some of those changes can be really hard on all the relationships in your life - from your husband to your parents to your friends...

I guess it's really about trying to carve out time for everyone and everything - family, friends, kids...and most importantly yourself - it's just that sometimes it's easier said than done...

You know it's a good weekend...

When you wake up on Sunday morning and think it's Monday!! Awesome Feeling!

I think part of it was that I had two back to back ladies nights last week - that's right two in a row! Thursday and Friday I got some much needed ladies time with my friends...which included dinner, wine & cocktails (wine on thursday, cocktail on friday!), laughter, tears, and good times.

I have made some great girlfriends over the past year.  I never thought that I would meet new friends in my 30's but moving to this neighborhood and having Jenna opened up a whole new world to me.  We're such an eclectic mix - some are stay at home moms like me, others are back at work full time, some are part time, some have nannies, some have kids in daycare.  Some are from near here, some from far...some are planning to stay in the area, others are planning to move away - you get my drift.  But they've all been amazing friends to me and I am lucky to have them in my life!

Anyway so back to the weekend...Saturday we did something we don't usually do in the morning and when Jenna woke up (around 6 am), we brought her into bed with us.  We were both still tired (I got home kinda late) and we put on some Nick Jr. and we hung out in bed (which meant Mike and I closed our eyes and I think Jenna watched some TV).  It was nice to just get a lazy start to the day, unlike our usual get-up-and-go routine.  We had a great day with grandparents - grabbing brunch, playing at the park, getting ice cream, and napping (for Jenna) outside.  It was a rainy Sunday so it was the perfect day for chores (grocery shopping and new cell phones) and watching a bad movie (Bride Wars).

I Heart Awards!

My new (but really close) friend over at Baby to Go  gave me this award. And if you haven't already, you should check out her blog - ESPECIALLY if you plan to travel (near or far) with your baby - trust me - she's done it and written about it!

So here are the rules of the Happy 101 Award:


1. Copy and paste the award on your blog.

2. List who gave the award to you and use a link to her blog (or hyperlink)

3. List 10 things that make you happy.

4. Pass the award on to other bloggers and visit their blog to let them know about the award.

Ten things that make me happy (in no particular order)...

1. My family - I am seriously nothing without my husband, daughter, parents, siblings (both biological and in-law) and niece (who I seriously think is the most amazing 3+ year old EVER!) - I was even fortunate to marry into a great family.

2. My friends both old and new - I've written about them all (and hope they don't mind).  Some have known me forever and still love me others are getting to know me know and still like me! I am very lucky.

3. Food - I just love it - all of it - not picky and will try anything.

4.  Traveling - wish we could do it more...but I love the feeling of getting on a plane knowing that I'm going somewhere.

5. My new ride - even though traffic sucks and Jenna is not the happiest camper in the car - it still makes me happy.

6. Sex - c'mon who's not happy about that?!

7. Morning nap time - it's when I drink my coffee and either read my book, do my NY Times crossword puzzle, or catch up on DVR.  The day Jenna stops taking that morning snooze will be a sad one for me.

8. My blog...kind of cheesy to write that here - but I've always wanted to write and I feel like this has been a great outlet for me (who cares if anyone's even bothering to read it - writing it makes me happy).

9. My contact lenses - I am blind as a bat and don't really care for myself in glasses -so my dailies make me happy.

10. Hair removal products - god - what I would look like without them!!

Talked to my hubby and he couldn't believe I didn't have this on my list already so...

11. Baths - they're heaven sent (especially the one at my parents' house which isn't even fancy)
Passing some happy onto...









(She gave my blog an awesome makeover!)