Our circus!

So I haven't blogged in months and well...a lot has happened to us since my last post...namely a baby boy! With that being said, the thought of keeping up with a blog and two kids is just that, a thought.
But I love the written history I have of my big girl's babyhood through this blog and so with mother guilt setting in (I have tons of posts about that) I'm going to at least attempt to write down some of our new life as a circus (complete with three rings)

I have a bunch of friends who are expecting their second kid and some of them have (very kindly) complimented me on my ability to keep it together and enjoy both of my kids. Here's my secret: I certainly do not have it together and we have days where we're damn near ripping at the seams, but yes I do enjoy them both. But here's the thing hubby and I went into baby #2 with eyes wide open - we knew this was going to be hard and days feel near impossible so we made decisions to help us. Some may not agree with the decisions but it's what has (so far) been best for our family.

1. I am currently staying at home with the baby for the foreseeable future. That being said my big girl is still and will continue to be in full day daycare. This is best for everyone involved. I was not going to mess with her life by making her stay home with mommy and an infant because that would suck for her. And let's face it, it would suck for me to be home all day with both kids too. So baby gets my full attention from morning until around 4 when big sis comes home and then he's a typical second child who needs to figure things out. But we're all happier for it.

2. I am formula feeding my son. Anyone who has read this blog before knows that breast feeding was awful for me. Did not make myself go through it again. I am a better mother for it.

3. We hired a baby nurse. Mike and I slept through the night for the first ten days that we had baby home. Amazing. Best money we ever spent. And we got to help our big girl transition to this new life. We even got to take her to a birthday party and a movie while the baby nurse watched the baby (see #2)

They're so stinkin' cute!

4. I have not missed a book club, Mike has not missed a business trip, we did not miss our anniversary dinner or our friend's birthday dinner and we are not missing my brother in law's wedding in Europe. We have tried to maintain some semblance of our 'normal' life and baby is just stuck going on this ride.

People say going from one kid to two kids is harder than going from zero kids to one kid. I say these people don't have any kids. Two kids is f***ing hard but then there are those days when my big girl goes over to the baby and says "I love you sooo much" and well...it's all worth it.

Doctor's Orders

So this summer I had planned to keep my little monkey home from daycare at least 2-3 days a week.  We have to pay for daycare all summer to hold her spot and I thought that would be a great compromise - a few days for some "me time" and a few for "mommy and J time."

This plan hit some snafus (sp?) - First, Dr's orders say I'm not allowed to lift her - more on that in another post. And well...I guess there is no other real reason.  But try to do something fun and productive with your toddler without lifting them all day and let me know how that goes...So my plan got altered a bit.

But Dr.'s orders or not, I still have the summer off and I still desperately want to spend some quality time with my adorable daughter.  So when my neighborhood girlfriends suggested a beach day (or really Beach Morning) I was all in.  We hit the road around 9:00 to get to a great beach (short walk from the parking lot, family friendly, and not too far away). The day was amazing...really amazing. J loved the ocean, loved the sand, loved the snacks, and hanging out with her buddies.

Thanks to Katy for the pic!

It reminded me how  much I miss being a stay at home mom.  I loved spending the whole day with her and just enjoying her company and the company of all my friends here.  We left the beach around noon with plans to nap her when we got home.

And then it happened...J napped in the car (20 minutes) which as any SAHM would tell you - is a nightmare.  Yes, it's great that she closed her eyes for a bit, but I was driving while she napped, which meant that I got zero downtime.  I tried to transfer her into her bed and for about 10 minutes I was fooled into thinking that maybe the transfer actually worked.  It didn't.

And now here we are around 4:00 and this working mommy turned SAHM for a day is exhausted and the toddler is running around like a maniac.

So now...I'm looking forward to dropping her off at daycare tomorrow morning - after all, it is "Dr.'s orders."

Friday Flip Offs 10.15

Back by popular demand (well not really demand, but I got some stuff to flip off)

#1 Absolute biggest flip off ever might be the a-holes...err - people who think it's okay to ask me when I'm going to "try for #2?" - Ummm is it your damn business?!? People: let's make this clear: You should never ask a person a) if they're pregnant (that will never go well) and b) when/if they are trying...seriously with all the crap that goes on with baby making - you still have the balls to ask me...well STOP. 

#2 Hey all you know-it-alls who think teachers should get merit pay?!? Umm...children are not bottom lines.  I do not sell a product nor do I have clients.  I teach children to do and be the best they can.  Period.  We do not pay firefighters based on the amount of fires they put out or police officers on the amount of arrests made - so really? Teachers should not be paid based on how their students score on some standardized test that business people and politicians developed.  Thank you very much. 

A Flip Off to the parents who do not call teachers back.  It's your kid's education I'm calling to discuss. C'mon...find 5 minutes to give me a ring. 

#3 Flipping Off time - why is there never enough of it? I feel like by the time we finish with J's nighttime routines and have our own (dinner/showers) it's freaking bedtime.  Mike and I are like two passing ships in the water.  BOO!!

#4 A final Flippity Flip Off to the never-ending cold/cough my kid now has since starting daycare.  As my pediatrician said so bluntly, "Daycares keep peds in business." I love you daycare, I really do, but please keep your colds to yourself. I do like to sleep at night.


Happy Friday everyone!

My goal next week is to get some more posts done over here...(see flip off #3)

You like the Friday Flip Offs as much as I do? Check out Momma Kiss for the link and other Flips wihle Kludgy Mom is busy with some other stuff!

When Did I Become the Expert?

This morning I got to be the "experienced" one...the mommy who already dealt with dropping her daughter off at daycare for the first time...the mommy who had the guilt/anxiety/excitement of the child's first day....the mommy who had knots in her stomach worrying about whether my daughter would be happy, if the kids would like her, if the teacher would love her....the mommy who was nervous about her napping on a cot for 2 hours....

My friend dropped her daughter off this morning to the same classroom that I have been dropping Jenna off to for the past month.  We had breakfast together after our uneventful (thank god) drop offs. 

I got to tell my friend how freaking happy Jenna is at her school...how when I say "we're going to school" in the morning, she runs to the door....how she runs into the classroom with a smile on her face, turns back blows me a kiss and keeps going....how when I pick her up there's a little part of me that thinks she's slightly disappointed that she has to leave this great place....how Jenna's teacher reminds me of myself when I was that young and working in daycare....how she's such a caring, loving teacher...how Jenna has learned SO MUCH there.

This breakfast was good for my friend (I hope) and just has good for me.  It reinforced what a good decision this was for my family.  Jenna's so happy and I don't have to worry about her and can deal with my own "back to school" jitters!!

Heart Melting

When you have a child, you have all these hope for them (or at least I do) and I guess this may sound silly, but I want people to like Jenna.  I'd like her to be popular, not Mean Girls or Gossip Girl kind of popular, but where people like her and want to hang out with her. 

This all came to mind this morning, when I dropped her off at daycare.  She walked into the room (no longer crying, I might add) and the four little kids who were there all looked at her and said "Jenna's Here!!"

My heart melted. They like her. They really like her.

Maternity Leave Expectations

This week, my brother in law and his girlfriend came to visit.  He moved to the Czech Republic about 3 years ago to teach English and met his girlfriend who is from there.

The other night we got to talking about maternity leaves. She asked me why I was going back to work so soon...I was taken aback by the question because most mothers I know ask me how I was able to stay home so long.  And here she was asking me why I was going back to work after a year and half of staying home.  I went through my answer: partly financial, partly because I think Jenna was ready for some independent time and partly because when I (hopefully) have another baby I will stay home for longer because my teachers' salary will not pay for the childcare of two children. And partly because I would like to redo our kitchen and our bathroom...but that's a whole other thing altogether.

Then she told me how it works in the Czech Republic. Obviously the details are not 100% accurate because she has not gone through the process yet. But it goes something like this: paid maternity leave for 2, 3 or 4 years (to qualify you need to make a certain amount of money)

I found an article about this which said:
Within the first six months of their maternity leave, they have to decide which type of parental allowance they want to draw. Parents are free to choose between a two-year parental leave with a monthly contribution of 11,400 crowns, a three-year parental leave with a monthly contribution of 7,600 crowns or a four-year leave with a monthly contribution of 7,600 which is reduced to 3,800 when the child reaches 21 months of age. In short, the longer time they want to spend at home with their child the less money they get.

Leaving some of the details aside, what struck me most was two things:
#1 - Mothers may take a maternity leave for a significant amount of time to raise their children without the fear of losing their job. 
#2 - Not only is their job there for them when they get back, but they're given some sort of financial assistance while they are on leave.

Oh.my.god.
In the United States, there is no law that says women have to be paid for any maternity leave. I work for the Department of Education in NY and the 6 weeks you get for maternity leave is unpaid (you may use up all your sick days and borrow some, but that can leave you with negative days when you return, which is the case for me).  And in regard to job security, although as a tenured teacher, I have that, most of my friends who work in the private sector do not. 

I think it's very interesting the differences that exist around the world with regard to childcare and work.  I wonder if we had something like that in place here if more women would choose to stay home.

so far so good

I'm feeling a little empowered this week.  For starters, Mike is away til Friday (left Monday morning) and I'm holding down this fort solo.  And I think I'm doing a damn good job.  I didn't realize how much stuff he helped out with around here until I had to do it all alone. 
Like the whole bedtime routine, that's a hard thing to do alone...we run a pretty tight ship over here...Jenna goes from highchair to bathtub to crib in one big swoop.  That's hard to do alone.  But I'm managing. 
Daycare day 2 was pretty good again.  Drop off was way different though. She ran into the building and you could hear her thinking "this place is cool...I have fun here" and then we got to her classroom door.  SCREEECH....literally saw the lightbulb go off in her head "wait, mommy leaves me here. don't leave mommy!" Grabbed onto me and started to lose her s***.  I did what every parent does when dropping their kid off at daycare, I passed her to Ms. Caitlyn and hightailed it out of there and cried in the car.  Seriously hard.
I figured I'll call them when I get home to see how long it took her to calm down. Luckily, I never had to, a friend of mine (whose son goes there too) texted me that she saw Jenna in her classroom, eating waffles, and looking happy.  Thank god.
She's been handling this transition as well as I could've hoped.  I imagine this week is really hard for her - Daddy's away, Mommy's dropping her off in a strange place, and tomorrow her Uncle comes to visit from Prague.  Lots of stuff going on over here...but so far so good.

Daycare Day 1

The dreaded first day of daycare....went really well.

Dropped her off around 8:15am and she ran into the room with her adorable new teacher. I imagine it's pretty cool when everything and everyone is your size. I put her stuff in the cubby and snuck out before she could see me.  Got to the car and cried. It's hard leaving your kid in someone else's care.  For the record, we have left her before for extended periods of time, but never with anyone but family.
Called and spoke to the teacher around 10:00.  I so didn't want to be that mom but as my mom and sis in law said, "this is your baby and it's her FIRST day - call and check on her." So I did and the teacher said she was doing great and only cried for a few minutes.  (Part of me was like what the f**k?!? She doesn't miss me?!?) But of course it made me happy that she was having a good time.

Learning about musical instruments this week

I think she may be the next Picasso!

My big concern about daycare, especially for the first couple of days was/is the napping.  She still takes two naps most days, she's never napped on a cot before and she can sometimes be ::ahem:: a handful going to sleep.  So I called again (I am so that mom) around lunchtime and the teacher said she was still doing great and to leave her there for nap.  I hung up knowing that I had another two hours to myself before I could go get her and that was kinda really nice.
I went to pick her up around 2:30 and she had napped for an hour (the shortest nap of her class, but a nap nonetheless).  She was so so so excited to see me - the second she saw that I was there, she ran into my arms saying "mommy mommy" - god that felt good.
As a stay at home mom I don't get to have to many of those "oh my god it's so good to see you" hugs and kisses from her.  That was amazing.
The teacher said she had a wonderful day, was happy and friendly and easygoing.  As we walked out I started to cry again because well...I'm really proud of her.  She looks like such a big girl now and I am so relieved that she was so good for them and had fun.  I think she's going to do really well there. 

Love that there's a daily "report" & that she

cried for 10 min tops!

As a mom, I always said my goal is to raise an independent child and I think this whole daycare thing will really help with that.  I don't know if it will ever get easy to leave my daughter in someone else's care for extended periods of time, but I do think it's going to get smoother as the days go by.

Many of you got an email already, but I want to publicly thank all my friends/family who called to check on me today. I'm not usually the mushy type, but it was really nice to hear from everyone who was thinking of me/us today.  I felt really loved!! xoxo

Oh Boy!

I know you feel a little bad for me, so do me a favor and give me a click click

here....Thanks!

just what i needed to hear

You know those people who always know the right thing to say at the right time. I am so freaking lucky because I actually have a few of those people in my life. I have a whole lot of stuff going on right now and Ive been feeling a little stresed and emotional about it all. You can read about some of it here and some other stuff is just not for the blogosphere...

After a kind of rough going day dealing with all the issues surrounding Jenna and daycare, and my guilt and her happiness...I open my email and I get this amazing note from one of those people in my life.  It doesn't really matter who she is, but she reads this and I hope she smiles when she does, because it made my day.  It's exactly what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it. 

I was concerned about you when I read your blog from yesterday. I know this is a very difficult time for you and there is nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel better. However, coming from someone who did the same thing and survived (not without tears) I can tell you that everything is going to be fine. Once you see how much fun she is having and how tired she is at the end of the day from all the fun and exciting activiites you will begin to feel better. You will also start to cherish the time you spend with her over the weekends even more and if you still have trouble you also know that you have a pretty terrific support system to help YOU deal with this transition (Jenna will be fine).


I so hope I can make other people feel better after a rough patch like she did for me.

Our New Reality

We checked out Jenna's daycare this week. Although I had been there before for the tour and information and filled out all the paperwork, today was the finalization of everything.  We saw the room that she will be in, the kids that will be in her class, and her teachers.  She even got to hang out for storytime with her soon-to-be BFFs! She did great.  Mike and I stood watching her while she listened to the teacher read a story.  When she got a little antsy, it was the teacher who calmed her down. 

Honestly, I wanted to run and grab her when she got a little upset, and it took all my will power not to.  I can't believe she starts in two weeks.  Next week, we go in together and spend an hour or so on one or two days.  Then August 2nd, I drop her off. Period. I'll start be leaving her there for a few hours a day, working up to a full day by the second week. 

I'm having some mommy guilt about starting her in August when I technically don't go back to work until the very end of the month.  And I'm sure many will judge me for taking this time to transition.  But I'm okay with this decision.  I have been away from work for what will be 18 months.  I need time to get my head around it and get my shit together.  This is near impossible to do while watching a toddler.  And I really feel like the more "ready" I feel for work, the better and easier all this will be.  I also want to be around if they need me to come get her or if she gets sick. I won't be able to do that once I'm back at work (my mom will have to do that for us).  I think know she's going to be happy there - so many kids, so many toys, and all the furniture is her height! At the same time I know it's going to be very bittersweet for me.