Definitely NOT Experts

A lot of times, our 'new-er' mom/dad friends will ask us our advice on all things parenting....especially sleep stuff.

Now I'll be the first to say it - we messed up the sleep thing with Jenna - I mean she's four and sleeps on our floor! When she was younger and we tried all the different methods out there of sleep training - she inevitably ended up crying and puking...crying and puking...it was awful.  At 18 months she catapulted herself from the crib and I don't think she's spent a single night since then on her own in her own bed.

Then came Alex...we were determined to do a better job with him and (fingers crossed) it's been pretty good.  He has been 'self soothing' himself to sleep for as long as I can remember and typically fusses for about 10 minutes and goes to sleep.  But as with anything, we have our ups and downs.  Toward the beginning of the summer, we had to let him cry it out and it lasted over an hour but then the next night, was back to normal.  Last night he wasn't really crying, but definitely fussing a lot in his crib and we were just letting him do his thing. After almost two hours(!) the monitor looked like this:

Asleep standing up! 

Just hoping his neck doesn't hurt in the morning!

getting dressed

Things around here have been very very tired lately.  For whatever reason, our usually decent sleeper has become nocturnal.  Literally.  So Mike and I have been running on less than empty.
Just to prove my point, here's a recent conversation we had after I picked J up from daycare:

Me: Hey - I just got J in the car, and honey, you forgot her pants.
Mike - What do you mean? Wasn't that a dress?
Me: No...not a dress - her panties (we're using that term by the way) are sticking out the bottom. She was like that all day.
Mike: I took her on the subway too...sorry...my fault.

I guess I'll be laying out clothes the night before from now on.

I so wish I had a picture of this so-called 'dress' but I was too tired to take one.

Friday Flip Offs 10.15

Back by popular demand (well not really demand, but I got some stuff to flip off)

#1 Absolute biggest flip off ever might be the a-holes...err - people who think it's okay to ask me when I'm going to "try for #2?" - Ummm is it your damn business?!? People: let's make this clear: You should never ask a person a) if they're pregnant (that will never go well) and b) when/if they are trying...seriously with all the crap that goes on with baby making - you still have the balls to ask me...well STOP. 

#2 Hey all you know-it-alls who think teachers should get merit pay?!? Umm...children are not bottom lines.  I do not sell a product nor do I have clients.  I teach children to do and be the best they can.  Period.  We do not pay firefighters based on the amount of fires they put out or police officers on the amount of arrests made - so really? Teachers should not be paid based on how their students score on some standardized test that business people and politicians developed.  Thank you very much. 

A Flip Off to the parents who do not call teachers back.  It's your kid's education I'm calling to discuss. C'mon...find 5 minutes to give me a ring. 

#3 Flipping Off time - why is there never enough of it? I feel like by the time we finish with J's nighttime routines and have our own (dinner/showers) it's freaking bedtime.  Mike and I are like two passing ships in the water.  BOO!!

#4 A final Flippity Flip Off to the never-ending cold/cough my kid now has since starting daycare.  As my pediatrician said so bluntly, "Daycares keep peds in business." I love you daycare, I really do, but please keep your colds to yourself. I do like to sleep at night.


Happy Friday everyone!

My goal next week is to get some more posts done over here...(see flip off #3)

You like the Friday Flip Offs as much as I do? Check out Momma Kiss for the link and other Flips wihle Kludgy Mom is busy with some other stuff!

I May Have Married a Rock Star

The last few nights have been some of our worst ever.  I don't know if we're spoiled with a good sleeper but my body just can't handle the middle of the night wake ups.  Thinking back (and it's kind of strange that my memory is blurry) I was never great at it.  Very early on, when J was still waking up to eat at 12 and 4, I remember saying to Mike, I'll take the 4:00 because I needed to get a decent stretch of sleep in order to function.  Waking up at midnight was too early in my sleep.

But this weekend, we had a very sick little girl on our hands.  And middle of the night wakeups ensued...not to eat, but to medicate.  And not only are we not used to it, but now I'm back at work, where I can't really "fake it" during the day.   I love teaching, but one downside is that I can't just sit in front of my computer pretending to work and check emails.  I have 27 little kids who require a whole lot of me (especially this time of year). 

And Mike has been a rock star.  I'm talking as soon as he hears her stir over the monitor, he's in her room, settling her back in.  He's prepared with medicine, water, and hugs to get her back to sleep.  And all this with a smile mouthing to me "Go back to sleep, babe." I fought with him a few times, but then I stopped fighting and went back to bed.  Still awake, but at least resting. 

He's a rock star.
And so is a gigantic cup of coffee which keeps me from turning into a mean mean teacher. 

So thank you Mike and Dunkin!

One Nap Two Naps Long Naps Short Naps

I have been a very lucky mommy because up until this past week, Jenna (at 15+ months) was still consistently taking two naps a day - morning (the typical 2+ hours after wake up time) and afternoon (usually around 1:00).  Last week, morning nap went away.
Suddenly.
Without warning.
I've been expecting this day to come...I mean most of my friends with kids the same age said goodbbye to the morning nap a few months ago.  But it kinda kicked me in the ass.
My usually wonderful napper literally started refusing the morning nap.  She would do all her typical before nap things, like rub her eyes, tug at her ear, get a little clumsy. She would even walk over to her crib and reach up.  I would put her in, she'd have her pacifier (seriously, we need  to get rid of that shit soon) and she would chill out for a little while. But no nap.
Okay, so she's ready for one nap - no problem - it's time - she's old enough. I just didn't realize that this would be another one of those "transitions" which take some time.
So I did what I'm sure most moms do - I read up on it - I looked in books, online, asked friends to see how I can make this transition as smoothe as possible.
On the days when I was still trying the morning nap, but not getting one, I made a point of getting out of the house immediately. I figure if she's not going to nap, then we may as well have some fun. We went to the park, we took walks, we went to the pool. Basically I took her places where napping was not even an option.  Then I gave her an early lunch (between 11 and 11:30) and put her down for a nap after.  This seems to be working - she goes right down in her crib and falls asleep. 
The only thing we need to work on now is getting her to sleep just a little longer during this nap.  She's never been much of a long napper - has always been pretty good at taking them, but not necessarily for any length of time. I think she needs about an hour and a half to be well rested for the rest of the day, but right now it seems that after an hour she's up.  We haven't had much crankiness, but we have had slightly earlier bedtimes...

The one thing I've been really trying to do is be home for her naptime.  She's always napped best i nher crib and I feel like until we get this consistent, I'd rather her be in the most comfortable place.  And quite honestly, with the heat being so bad, it's nice to be "forced" inside from 12-1:00ish everyday.

So I'm reaching out for some help...Any suggestions on how to make the transition easy?? How can I get her to stay sleeping just a little longer??

My Daughter...The Teacher

My 14 month old daughter taught me a lesson today and just like any good teacher, she 'explained' it to me in multiple ways...

She taught me to ssssllllooooowwww down.  Now I'm a born and raised New Yorker - we don't know the meaning of slowing down...I do everything fast, I talk fast, read fast, type fast, walk fast (even while lugging around a 20+ pound kid)...you get the picture.

But, as Jenna taught me, sometimes, it's okay (and even better) to take things slow.

Cases in point:

I had to move my car and decided to go stroller-less down to the car and just have her walk (and carried across the streets) with me.  And it definitely took (a lot) longer than if I pushed her in the stroller.  But I probably wouldn't have noticed every bird (5 of them), dog (2), and squirrel (3) that we passed along the way.  Seeing her face light up and yell with glee at all these animal sightings was certainly worth the extra time.

At bedtime, she reiterated her 'teachings'.  She was tired so I put her in the crib and I don't know what about her told me to stick around, but I did and I rubbed her back and played with her hair and just watched as she drifted off to sleep.  And during that 15 minutes (that's all it really took) I thought about how adorable she is and how when I go back to work I won't have as much time with her as I do now and how I should really cherish these moments.  And maybe it was me letting my mind wander to those nice places, but she went to sleep so peacefully and I felt a lot calmer too...

Rules

Two of my close friends just had babies and I passed onto them a golden rule of parenting that was given to me when we first had Jenna...

Do not talk to your spouse between the hours of midnight and 5 am when caring for your baby.  Nothing good will come of it.

This may sound silly...but honestly at 2 am when you have a crying baby are you really going to say anything nice? When your kid is teething at 3 in the morning and you're so freaking tired you can't see straight, what productive conversation could you possibly have? I don't know about the rest of you but those middle of the night wakeups make me frustrated, tired and not a happy camper.  Not exactly a good state of mind to start talking about things.

When I first got this advice, I thought it was silly - we were still in the "we take care of our infant together in the middle of the night" phase. Then we realized that's it's dumb for both of us to be up and we should take turns (which we still do now) and inevitably the one who's up is not happy with the one who's still sleeping...hence the no talking rule.

We're usually pretty good about sticking to it and when one of us forgets the other reminds them.  Like last night, Jenna woke up from the crazy rain, I went in and got her back to sleep and when I came back to bed, I tried to have a whole conversation with Mike about the weather and I think I even tried to discuss some current events...his response? "Honey, what are you doing? We don't talk now." Right - those are the rules!

Everything is just a phase...

I am hesitantly writing this because...well if I say it (or write it) out loud then I may jinx myself...but I think our whole "cry before bed until I throw up" phase is over.

A little recap of Jenna's sleeping patterns...always a pretty good sleeper (luckily), but when she was around 6 months old, we Ferber-ized her (sounds so clinical) and it worked - then at around 10 months things started to get a little crazy again and we tried to Re-Feber-ize her.  Well at this point I guess she got pissed because if we let her cry - she puked...all over...and if we let her cry again...she would puke...again. It was terrible and sad and frustrating all at the same time.

(More detailed versions at Pity Party of One and Losing my Cool)

Puking Baby + Messy Floor + Crying + No Sleeping = VERY STRESSED mommy & daddy


Since Freber was obviously not working - we did some no-cry sleep solutions.  Which basically meant I hung out in her room til she fell asleep (usually around 10-15 min, but some nights longer).  Recently she seemed to be almost ready to not have me in there...and the last few nights I've actually walked right out after a kiss and a tuck into her sleep sac.  Listening carefully to the monitor (cause god knows I do not want to hear crying which can lead to puking) and all I've been hearing is some whimpering and then silence...Amazing!

Seriously, the puking was a really really really hard thing to handle - hopefully that phase is over...but as anyone with kids knows it's just a matter of time before there's something else...hmm what's next?!!?

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Pacifier Update

I have given in to the paci!

Pacifier - 1 / Mommy - 0

I tried (well not sure that you can call it a real attempt) to stop using the pacifier with Jenna. She only uses it for naps and night sleep - so you will only see it in her mouth in her stroller or crib.  She also did away with the bottle so easily - I'm talking one day she had 4 bottles, the next day only straw cups - didn't even notice they were missing. Anyway, I thought it was the perfect day to try - she had two great naps, but on the early side, so by the time I was ready to put her in to bed I knew she was super tired.  So I figured why not take it away tonight.  I kissed her good night and put on her sleep sack and placed her gently in the crib and then...she WAILED...and then I shoved the paci in her mouth, she turned over and went to sleep.  I kid you not - right to sleep - see you in the morning!

My husband and I go back and forth - well I go back and forth - he thinks if it's not broke than why fix it.  I am now on his team.  We are fortunate enough to have a pretty good sleeper.  It is definitely an exception when she gets up in the middle of the night.  For the most part she sleeps from around 7pm to 6am give or take a 1/2 hour on either end.  Why would we mess with this?  As Mike says, she's only 13 months....So I am officially done talking...err...complaining about the paciier.  For now it's going to be our friend. In fact, I think I'm going to buy some more so I don't have to look all over the place when she tosses them from the crib...

I don't get kids...

I really don't - how come something that works for days, maybe even months one day stops working or takes an hiatus?!?!

Our bedtime routine has been working for a really long time - she's not a cry-it-out kid, she's a no-cry sleep solution kid! Basically we do our nighttime thing, same thing every night - dinner, bath, lights out, some Yo Gabba, milk and off to sleepy land with me sitting in her room and quietly leaving when she's settled...but tonight - apparently Jenna had other plans and forgot to fill me in!

I mean no real big deal - she did finally get to sleep but almost an hour after her typical time and with much more fuss than usual....

I just don't get kids!

My Love/Hate Relationship with the Pacifier

Okay so here it goes the great pacifier debate - one side says to get rid of it ASAP the other side says why mess with a good thing?  I get it...I get both sides of this - Jenna happens to be a good sleeper and one nights when she stirs (that's our word for a little whimper but not fully awake) that pacifier is literally a god send - stick it in and nighty night she goes...

But there's a much darker side to the pacifier...we have 3 in our rotation at the moment - she keeps one in her mouth and likes to hold onto others in her sleep.  I am obsessed with knowing where all 3 are at all times. They are different colors so we refer to them by color...I can't tell you how often our conversations go something like this:

Honey, where's the purple one?
I think it's in her crib
It's not - where is it???
Did you check the diaper bag or the floor or the stroller??

At this point I am frantically looking for a f**ing plastic thing all over my house.  RIDICULOUS!!
And Jenna likes to throw them - tosses them out of the crib (to which I am on my hands and knees searching for them) or out of the stroller (I have been known to backtrack a couple of blocks hoping to find this piece of plastic!) or out of the carseat (I have had to pull over to retrieve them from the floor)

I know there are many reasons to get rid of them - teeth, attachment...blah blah blah - I need to cut my attachment to these damn things and I am just tired of depending on a little thing to get my kid to sleep.

So Jenna's world and my world is about to be ROCKED because one of these days (soon) I am going to have the balls to throw them out and not look back.  My husband response "what do we do when she wakes up? How is she going to fall asleep?" Well...I guess we're just going to have to find out...god help us!

Obsessions

Lately I've been obsessed with something and I'm finding that my friends are obsessed with it as well:

SLEEP!

Not our sleep (although it is thoroughly affected) but our kids' sleep...not just did they or didn't they sleep last night, but what they did to get to sleep, how long did they sleep, where did they sleep, did they arouse from their sleep, did they sleep with a 'lovey', who was in the room when they fell asleep...and that's just some of the topics about their nighttime sleep...

Because as all mommies know - daytime sleep is just as important...how many naps, what time are the naps, how long are the naps, are the naps in the crib or in the stroller, are you always home for the naps, are they the same time everyday, do the naps affect their bedtime....on and on and on...who knew that SLEEP could be such a huge topic?!!?

I was starting to feel like I should boycott this topic of conversation all together - I was tired (pun intended) of talking about J's sleep and honestly tired of hearing about everyone else's kids' sleeping. But then I realized, the reason we talk about it so much is because it has such a major effect on our lives - sleep determines whether our kids are in good moods or cranky which in turn determines we (the mommies & daddies) are in good moods or cranky...so sleep it is!(which I am happy to report baby J is doing right now...)                         

 

                                                                                             

                                                                                         

  she used to sleep ANYWHERE!