Princess Problems

We're having some princess problems over here. My daughter is OBSESSED with princesses - now I can (kind of) deal with the movies and princess toys. But she takes it to the next level...she insists on wearing a "princess dress" (which is really any dress) every.single.day.  This drives me INSANE.

skirts are ok too!

First of all, I am the furthest thing from a girly-girl ever. My idea of an outfit is jeans, t-shirt, and flip flops with my hair in a messy pony tail. I refused to wear frilly underwear as a kid and in every school picture I'm wearing sweat pants.  (When I asked my mom about this, she said I refused to wear dresses - karma's a bitch!)

 But J has taken it to another level - the biggest insult she can give another little girl is "you are NOT a princess!" And she'll tell you this if you're not wearing a dress. I don't know where she got this from...but it's too a point where she says she's not a princess if she's not wearing a dress. At school, she had a full on meltdown when they had to change her clothes and all they had were pants. 
 This kind of breaks my heart. I want her to feel like a 'princess' no matter what she's wearing.  And we try to enforce this when she's playing soccer (and can't wear a dress) by saying how she's still a princess even in her soccer jersey. And when she has swim - obviously, she's a swimming princess.
Are we doing major psychological self-esteem damage here? Is this just a princess phase? Will she ever wear pants again? Are there any princesses that wear pants?
My husband makes fun of me, he thinks this is "my" issue - not hers. My response to him?
"You are NOT a prince!"

My "Obsessions"

C'mon...look at the cuteness!

Here's the thing about having a second baby...for us, our family feels complete.  Some people have that feeling after one kid, some not until four kids, but for us, it's two.  Our magic number is four.  We feel like things are even - we can do man-on-man defense, there's an equal ratio of adults to children, and in our family, girls vs boys is an even matchup.

That being said, I am completely obsessed with my son.  On a side note - I don't get "obsessed" with anything (or anyone for that matter) - I actually hate the word "obsessed" and think it's dumb when people use it, but for the first time, I really feel this way about another person.  This little man is just so freaking cute, there are times when I literally just can't take it! I find myself so much more patient with all things "baby".  Even those middle of the night feedings, whether they  last for 20 minutes on a good night and on a bad night...well...we all know how those nights go. I find that I'm "enjoying" his babyhood much more than I did with my big girl. There's a whole slew of reasons for this "obsession" I suppose.  First, this is and always will be my baby.  And maybe he'll be spoiled (although I hope not), but I'm the baby of my family and I think I turned out ok. Second, he's my little guy.  I feel like there's this bond between mommies and their sons.  Maybe it's because I know one day he's going to marry someone and I'm going to be the proverbial "mother-in-law" so I guess I'll take all the love he's giving me now.  Third, he doesn't talk back to me...yet.

My beautiful big girl!

 The other thing that surprised me when I had a second child was how much  more I'm enjoying her now that there's a baby to compare her to.  I mean she is so independent.  I tell her to get ready to leave and she's able to put on her clothes, socks, shoes and jacket and is at the door waiting for me!  She's able to get snacks out of her cabinet and ice cream out of the freezer, by herself.  She puts her dishes in the sink, can eat by herself...I mean the list goes on and on. She's ridiculously amazing.  Now, for the sake of transparency, she is far from the perfect toddler.  She puts up a fight for lots of things that I think are ridiculous, and has definitely been dragged out of the park kicking and screaming (literally) but I still appreciate all that she can and does do.

For the first time since becoming a parent 3+ years ago, I feel like I am really, truly enjoying both of them for all that they can do and all the potential that they both have.

Doctor's Orders

So this summer I had planned to keep my little monkey home from daycare at least 2-3 days a week.  We have to pay for daycare all summer to hold her spot and I thought that would be a great compromise - a few days for some "me time" and a few for "mommy and J time."

This plan hit some snafus (sp?) - First, Dr's orders say I'm not allowed to lift her - more on that in another post. And well...I guess there is no other real reason.  But try to do something fun and productive with your toddler without lifting them all day and let me know how that goes...So my plan got altered a bit.

But Dr.'s orders or not, I still have the summer off and I still desperately want to spend some quality time with my adorable daughter.  So when my neighborhood girlfriends suggested a beach day (or really Beach Morning) I was all in.  We hit the road around 9:00 to get to a great beach (short walk from the parking lot, family friendly, and not too far away). The day was amazing...really amazing. J loved the ocean, loved the sand, loved the snacks, and hanging out with her buddies.

Thanks to Katy for the pic!

It reminded me how  much I miss being a stay at home mom.  I loved spending the whole day with her and just enjoying her company and the company of all my friends here.  We left the beach around noon with plans to nap her when we got home.

And then it happened...J napped in the car (20 minutes) which as any SAHM would tell you - is a nightmare.  Yes, it's great that she closed her eyes for a bit, but I was driving while she napped, which meant that I got zero downtime.  I tried to transfer her into her bed and for about 10 minutes I was fooled into thinking that maybe the transfer actually worked.  It didn't.

And now here we are around 4:00 and this working mommy turned SAHM for a day is exhausted and the toddler is running around like a maniac.

So now...I'm looking forward to dropping her off at daycare tomorrow morning - after all, it is "Dr.'s orders."

Sick Baby = Sick to my stomach Mommy

It's Saturday over here (but you probably won't see this til Monday cause I have to see how tomorrow goes) and we are officially in the midst of Jenna's first real sick day.  We've been so lucky so far - she has never run a fever over 99.9 in her little life...but today she ran a whopping 103.7!!
I got nervous and for whatever reason her pediatricians' office phone lines were down and their offices were locked (I'll deal with that issue tomorrow - they're supposed to be open 7 days a week and phone line typically has an outgoing message with an emergency number, but the line wasn't picking up).  So I took her over to my doctor (who is also a ped) and I learned two things:
#1 - it's viral which means lots of TLC and Motrin/Tylenol
#2 - if your kid runs fever, give her tylenol to get the fever down.  It's a whole lot easier to examine a child who's not burning up.  I didn't know that...I thought that if I gave her something, I may not be able to give her antibiotics...I dunno - dumb mom move.  But again, I've never dealt with her having a fever before (or myself - I don't run fever - random fact about me)

Okay, so I'm rambling...and I'm feeling the first ever working mom dilemma.  Because obviously, we're keeping her home from daycare on Monday, and I can't stay home with her. It's the second day of school for my kids and I just cannot take the day.  Mike is in a pretty new job and for him to start taking days now just looks bad.  So we're relying on my mom to watch her Monday.  Honestly, she'll probably be feeling much better by then, but still...the one time she gets sick and I can't be with her.  That shits.  It's not the end of the world, my mother is a fabulous stand-in for me and Mike, but she's not Jenna's mommy. 

I can see pretty clearly what a different type of teacher I'm going to be this year.  I'm going to give my 100% because I don't know how not to, but my heart's going to be somewhere else.  And my ass is going to be out the door at 3:17 on Monday.

I probably should not have been dirty dancing

Here's the scene in my house from the first time I saw Dirty Dancing...

The movie came out in 1987 which means I was nine years old.  My family was watching it on our VCR (alright, so maybe I was ten).  Looking back, this PG13 movie was probably a bit inappropriate for my age {Mom, what were you thinking?!}.  But the music was great, the dancing was awesome, and what I understood of the plot was pretty good too. 

Cue sex scene...Baby professes her love to Johnny, "Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you."


Cue sexy music...
When you're waiting for a voice to come

In the night and there is no one
Ah don't you feel like crying? (cry to me)
Don't you feel like crying? (cry to me)

And now cue 10 year old me watching an inappropriate movie asking my parents, "Why do I have a tingling feeling in my vagina?" during said sex scene. 
After a little awkward silence (and some giggling from my older brother), my mother, always the tell-it-like-it-is matter-of-factly kind of mom, "Honey, that's normal."

Thus began my love affair with this movie.  I've watched it hundreds of times and probably only really got what was going on much later...
But it was and still is my favorite movie of all time.

This was written as part of Mama Kat's Writers' Workshop

Trouble is my middle name (not really)

I was a good kid.  I didn't get into too much trouble. And honestly the only real trouble I got into as at home with my big brother.  Other than that, I was good.
Except once.
One time I got into big trouble.
Like sent to the prinicipal's office big trouble.
And I lied to my mom about it.
But the truth came out. 

Fourth grade girls are mean.  I was a fourth grade girl and I was mean.  Groups of three girls is never good. One always gets left out and in this instance I was the girl leaving the other one out.

I have no idea why I did what I did.  I guess that just goes to show how small and stupid it was probably was.  But either way, it happened.  Two of us decided to gang up on the third person in our trio.  In ganging up on her, we I wrote what I called a petition against her.  Basically it said things like "I will not be ____'s partner in line." "I will not ask ________ to go to the bathroom with me." "I will not invite _______ over my house to play." "I will not walk home with ______."
And the list went on and on.
Not only did my other friend and I sign this petition, but we had our classmates sign it as well.  I think we aimed to get our whole class to sign it. 
I am so embarrassed even writing this.  As a teacher and now a mother, I would be FURIOUS at this behavior. Really disgusting.
Well, the girl's mom found out (probably because she went home crying about it) and called the principal. 
The next morning I get sent down to the principal's office. I had no idea I was in trouble.  He was a big dude. Super nice guy unless you crossed him. Then he could scare the shi** out of you.  And that is what he did to me. I don't remember exactly what he said, but it ended with lots of tears and ripping the petition up and apologizing profusely to the girl (who was my friend...ugh girls are so mean!)

I never said anything to my parents.  I figured I would never have to.  The principal and the teacher didn't call home, so I was home free.

Until we were going on a class trip a few weeks later and the chaperones? My mom and her mom.  I remember so clearly going into my parent's bedroom and telling my mom what happened and how sorry I was and all the details.  And boy was she pissed. Not even so much about the incident but about me not telling her when it happened.

The three of us went on to remain friends through elementary school.  But I gotta be honest when I think back to stuff like this, it makes me really scared to have a girl. I see how mean girls can be to each other from childhood through adulthood. 
I hope Jenna's nice.  That's all - I don't care so much about intelligence or looks or any of that.  I just hope I can raise her to be a good person.


This was written as part of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.

Book Review

Her Mother's Hope by Francine Rivers


My rating: 3 of 5 stars


This is one of those multi-generational, epic novels which follows the women in the family from early 1900's Europe to post WWII America. It was good - it kept my attention - I read it fast. The relationships in the story were relatable and I found myself wanting things for different characters. I like it when I feel like I "really" know the characters in the book and I had that with Her Mother's Hope. BUT...it was a little soap-opera-y for me. And I didn't realize that this is part of a two-book series, so for the me the ending kind of left me hanging. (I'm not sure if the second book is out yet and not even sure if I would read it)

Would I recommend this book? Yeah it's definitely a good story and a page turner

Do I think it was amazing? No



View all my reviews >>

Daddy's Little Girl

Here's what the "new" thing is over here in Jenna-land...she LOOOOVES her daddy.  And when I say loves, I mean "get out of the way mommy, cause I see daddy!"

Now, on one hand, I think this is awesome.  I mean my husband is an amazing, hands-on dad who deserves all this love from his daughter.  I love that she reaches for him, that she goes to him when she gets upset, that she likes to cuddle in his arms when she just gets up. 

But lately, it's been a bit excessive.  The other night I literally could not get her to calm down for bed.  It was 'my turn' to put her in and Jenna would not have it.  She was literally screaming bloody murder until I gave in and gave her over to daddy and you know what she did?!? She calmed right down and cuddled in his arms with a big ass grin on her face.  I could almost hear her saying "ahh so much better." I know my feelings shouldn't be hurt, but c'mon!! I know it's just a phase. And quite honestly, the other night when she got up at 3 am for no reason and only wanted daddy, I was happy to oblige. But I'm her mommy, I pushed her out of a too-small hole and put my career on hold for almost 18 months to give her all of me...and all she wants now is daddy?!!?!

After that 3 am wake up, we brought her into bed with us and Mike (feeling a little guilty about the #1 daddy role lately) took a picture of us in the morning and said, "Look honey, she ended up cuddling with her mommy." Umm...I think he was just trying to make me feel better - it worked - aren't we cute?!?

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Letters to Myself

Join in the letter writing campaign at Raising Madison.
This was hands-down one of the hardest posts I've ever written...please be kind.

Dear pre-teen me,
Don't buy those red glasses.  Even though mommy says you look beautiful.  How can I put this nicely? You look kinda dorky.  And for the rest of your life, you're going to have to look at your Bat-Mitzvah pictures and see those red glasses.  Oh and the bangs...I know all the girls have them, but your hair is not cut out for bangs.  you barely know how to use a hair dryer and wavy bangs are just not the way to go.  So between the red glasses and the bangs, those pictures are going to be hard to look at.  But just know that this coming summer, you're going to grow out those bangs and get contacts which will change.your.life.  People won't even recognize you in September and you're going to feel really pretty and guess what? Boys are actually going to start paying attention to you!


Dear teenager me,
You may think you know everything, but you don't.  That boy that you're dating-ugh! You're parents are very right about him.  Get rid of him ASAP.  But if you don't, don't worry there will be others who are much more worthy of your time! Try to be nicer to your parents.  They're really smart people.  And they give you a lot of freedom, you should try to respect them a little more.  You're going to get caught smoking something not exactly FDA approved. It's a long story, but you'll have a scar on your thigh for the rest of your life to remind you of that night. Mom and Dad are not going to be happy with you, but you will gain their trust back and one day will even be able to laugh about it.  But seriously, don't laugh about it now, they're pissed off.  Keep up the good work at school - that high school was a great choice, lots of hard work, but it'll really prepare you for college.

Dear college-age me,
Okay, I want to tell you that you should go to Bio and maybe then you'll be the doctor you always wanted to be, but I think you end up pretty happy. So you know what, keep skipping that class (who the hell makes Bio 101 at 8:30 in the morning anyway?!?) and learn what it's like for the first time in your life to fail a class.  Psychology is a much better choice for you anyway.  Also, don't be such a bitch to Brian at that date party - you end up with a loser.  You're going to grow up a lot during these years.  Be really grateful that mom and dad took out a loan so you could study abroad. Enjoy your time there cause you think you're going to get back to Europe really soon, but it'll actually take you several years to get back there. So enjoy every second. You're going to make a huge decision there, consider it a lIfe lesson learned...Know that you made the right decision.  It was a  hard one to make. But in the end, it's really what's best.  You will never regret it.  The girls you live with now are going to be your bridesmaids at your wedding - they're good people.  You loved college, loved studying abroad, did some stupid shit and you made it out alive.

Dear 23 year old me,
You're going to think the world is ending, it may change forever, but it doesn't end.  Wait for dad at your office, he would never leave the city without you.  Call your new sister in law, she's the only one with phone service who can tell mom that you and dad are okay. You both get home safe and in a roundabout way this changes your career path.  Follow the new one.  You're going to love being a teacher, even though you never wanted to be one because mom and Neil already do it.  It's a perfect fit for you and it'll be even better fit when you become a mom. 

Dear 26 year old me,
Your heart is broken, but in just a few months, you're going to meet your soul mate.  You'll know it from the first date.  Give yourself some time to heal and get back out there because he's waiting for you.  Let people set you up on blind dates (especially Sue's friend Lana) and don't waste your time on guys that aren't worth it.  The guy you're going to meet this summer is going to make you laugh harder than you've laughed ever.  He's going to make you smile everyday and you will be unable to stay mad at him, even when you want to.  Even though you're scared to move in with him, follow your heart, he's a keeper.  And Jersey is not so bad, you'll even grow to like it, even though you'll always be a Queens girl at heart. Don't worry, you'll be able to convince him that NY is where it's at and your 3 hour commutes will be over.

Dear 29/30 year old me,
Don't become consumed with planning your wedding.  At the end of those 5 hours, it's just you and him and a lifetime together.  Remember that it's about the marriage and not the wedding.  This is going to be a year of changes for you - new home, new marriage, and new baby.  Try to enjoy all the small things.  They go super fast.  And you will survive living with your parents (and you'll even like it). They're going to take good care of you while you're pregnant and you won't have to lift a finger.  When you finally get into your new apartment, enjoy the first few days, because Jenna is going to be two weeks early! You're going to love her at first sight.  It's a love like you have never known.  Those first six weeks are going to suck big time, but it'll all be worth it.  Give her formula for god sake.  It'll be better for you and for her.  Don't feel guilty! And don't worry, the crying will eventually stop - hers and yours.

Dear 31 year old me,
Enjoy every minute of this time with Jenna.  You are one lucky momma to be able to stay home with her and see her grow this past year and a half.  Don't listen when people say you're nuts to start taking classes so early.  You need this - you're going to make amazing new friends there - let them into your life. They're worth it!  There are going to be some really tough days when you lose your shit so don't be afraid to ask for help.  Don't let your pride get in the way.  You moved closer to family to have the support - use it! Nobody will judge you for having a bad day.  And go away on that long weekend with Mike - you both need some time to be together. Try not to forget that in addition to being a mommy, you're still a wife and an individual too.

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Mothers and Daughters

This past week on our 2 part family vacation, we got to spend lots of time with our extended families and it was awesome!

But...I also got to see daughters of all ages interacting with their moms and I gotta be honest, I'm a little excited and definitely scared!

Looking forward to the 4-10 year old stage when she'll be a little more independent.  I got to watch cousins who could let their kids go in the pools and watch from the sidelines.  Or let them go run off with other kids and do an arts and crafts project.  Or play some flag football with some of the older kids and adults.  The cool thing was that kids that age were able to be on their own to some extent and not need an adult on top of them at all times.  That sounds very cool to me right now especially since we're at the toddler stage, where I feel like Jenna really needs us to be right.next.to.her most (or at least much) of the time. 

No swimming alone for this little girl!

Then there's the 11+ age group - I gotta be honest, this seriously scares me.  And I know my mother is probably reading this laughing to herself because I was such a "gem" to her during these years.  The rolling of the eyes? Not cool The fresh back talk? Definitely not looking forward to it.  The doing whatever she wants without caring about what I think? Oh god, I'm not sure how I'm going to get through it.  The being really beautiful and making sure boys don't take advantage of her? Seriously, scared!

But I also got to see adult women and their moms (me included) and at least in the families I was with - the relationships are pretty damn special.  As my adult cousin said so bluntly to her mother as we were making fun of her crooked sunglasses, "C'mon who's going to tweeze your chin hair when you can't see it anymore?" We may all make fun of rip apart our moms, but we do love them to pieces and I'm looking forward to having that relationship with my daughter.

And I guess that's the return on the daughter investment...you'll always have someone to tweeze your chin hair! It'll be worth every second!

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was really nice.  We had gone out Saturday night with some friends and since hubby was the designated driver I took it upon myself to have a few glasses of wine - which was wonderful at the time, but not so good for business Sunday morning. 

Mike let me sleep in (like really sleep in) and when I finally got my butt out of bed there were coffee and muffins waiting for me.  Apparently he had taken Jenna for a walk and I didn't even know it! We didn't do anything too crazy...brunch in the city with my parents, picking up shoes for Jenna (she grew a size and half!) and dinner at my brother's. 

I couldn't help but think about how different this mother's day was from last year.  Last year, we had this infant who I was just getting to know and who was still such a little squishy baby and this year, we have a toddler, who was running around (hence the new shoes) and eating at the table with us.  I kept saying throughout the day "we have such a big girl." 

I got a bunch of messages and texts wishing me a happy mother's day and feel really lucky that I get to celebrate this day along with the other mommies in my life.  (Is that weird - I've been a mom for over a year and yet I'm still in awe of the fact that I'm a mom?!?) This role continues to be the hardest, most rewarding thing I have ever done and Jenna is my proudest achievement. 

Hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day!

Mothers & Daughters

When I was pregnant with baby J we decided not to find out the sex of the baby. We wanted it to be a surprise - our thinking was when in your life are you going to be completely surprised and not even slightly disappointed. I know a lot of people say that when they find out the sex at 20 weeks or so, they're surprised then - and that's definitely true, but then you have 5 months of imagining your life with that little boy or girl and you can start to prepare yourself for what that life is going to be like. And on a side note, at my 36 week sono Mike and I were absolutely convinced that we saw a penis and that we were having a boy - so convinced that we didn't have girl's names picked out until I was in labor.

Anyway, when the dr. said "it's a girl" I can't even describe the shock and excitement that I felt...a baby girl...I couldn't believe it and I still can't to this day. I always said that I didn't care about the sex and I honestly didn't, but for some reason I feel especially lucky to have a daugher. Maybe it's because I have such a great relationship with my own mom, she's my best friend in lots of ways and I can only hope that I'm that close with J. When J was born, a very close family friend and mother of two daughters gave me a book Because I Love Her which is a collection of writers reflecting on the mother daughter bond. And I go through phases where I read some of them and cry and love every minute of it.

But as I think of my life as a mother to a daughter, I start to think about the responsibility that goes with that role...How do I instill in her how important it is to be confident without being snobby....to be proud of her intelligence and not embarrassed...to be a good friend to girls and boys...to date boys but not be promiscuous....to think she's beautiful (which she is) and not harp on her flaws...I want her to know that she can come to us with any problem she may have (even the ones I probably won't want to hear about). I keep telling Mike that we're going to know everything that she does and he keeps telling me that we're not. Sometimes I get really overwhelmed with all the responsibilites that come with raising a girl.

So of course, I went to the one person that I thought would know the answer to this...my own mom (I may be biased but I think she did a great job raising me, and my brother for that matter). And she said to me to just "raise by example." So I'm working hard to do just that - I guess this is almost like my second chance to be all of the things I want J to be...