Adult time?

Daddy jumps off furniture

Adult time does not exist in our house right now.  I know it's  just a phase and I definitely miss my husband but it is what it is. Mike gets home on the later side from work, sometimes in time to put Alex to bed at 7:30 and then we have dinner/bath/bedtime routine with Jenna, who doesn't go to bed until 9/9:30.  She still has nap time at daycare, so getting her to bed earlier is close to impossible. And quite honestly by 9:30, both of us are spent.  And so maybe we have a chance to sit on the couch and watch some TV or talk but it usually ends with Mike rubbing my feet and me passing out.  Fun times.

But I guess it's kind of our choice. I could choose to send Jenna to a school that doesn't have nap time.  And she would absolutely go to bed earlier (that's what happens on the weekends). But here's the catch - she would never see Mike during the week. I would have both kids sleeping by 7:30 and Mike would come home to a quiet house. And yes, we'd have our 'adult time' but he wouldn't have any kid time. And they wouldn't have any daddy time. And right now, my kids, especially Jenna, need to see their daddy during the week.  The three (and sometimes four) of us have dinner together every night. We eat, we talk about our day, and we clean up together. That time is important to us.

I guess even though I'm a stay at home mom, I still have the 'working mom mentality.' I'll be back at work in a couple of months and I think I would die if my kids were in bed so soon after I got home.  They would see me for only a few hours and not see Mike at all. Right now, I don't feel like I'm enough for them during the week, and if it means less adult time for us, but more mommy/daddy time for them...then so be it.

Our circus!

So I haven't blogged in months and well...a lot has happened to us since my last post...namely a baby boy! With that being said, the thought of keeping up with a blog and two kids is just that, a thought.
But I love the written history I have of my big girl's babyhood through this blog and so with mother guilt setting in (I have tons of posts about that) I'm going to at least attempt to write down some of our new life as a circus (complete with three rings)

I have a bunch of friends who are expecting their second kid and some of them have (very kindly) complimented me on my ability to keep it together and enjoy both of my kids. Here's my secret: I certainly do not have it together and we have days where we're damn near ripping at the seams, but yes I do enjoy them both. But here's the thing hubby and I went into baby #2 with eyes wide open - we knew this was going to be hard and days feel near impossible so we made decisions to help us. Some may not agree with the decisions but it's what has (so far) been best for our family.

1. I am currently staying at home with the baby for the foreseeable future. That being said my big girl is still and will continue to be in full day daycare. This is best for everyone involved. I was not going to mess with her life by making her stay home with mommy and an infant because that would suck for her. And let's face it, it would suck for me to be home all day with both kids too. So baby gets my full attention from morning until around 4 when big sis comes home and then he's a typical second child who needs to figure things out. But we're all happier for it.

2. I am formula feeding my son. Anyone who has read this blog before knows that breast feeding was awful for me. Did not make myself go through it again. I am a better mother for it.

3. We hired a baby nurse. Mike and I slept through the night for the first ten days that we had baby home. Amazing. Best money we ever spent. And we got to help our big girl transition to this new life. We even got to take her to a birthday party and a movie while the baby nurse watched the baby (see #2)

They're so stinkin' cute!

4. I have not missed a book club, Mike has not missed a business trip, we did not miss our anniversary dinner or our friend's birthday dinner and we are not missing my brother in law's wedding in Europe. We have tried to maintain some semblance of our 'normal' life and baby is just stuck going on this ride.

People say going from one kid to two kids is harder than going from zero kids to one kid. I say these people don't have any kids. Two kids is f***ing hard but then there are those days when my big girl goes over to the baby and says "I love you sooo much" and well...it's all worth it.

Playdates After Hours

In college, the parties that happened after the bars closed and after the "regular" parties were called After Hours.  I think I may have majored in After Hours in college...but that's a story for another time.

These days I'm in a very weird place.  I'm now a 'working mom'.  Going back to work had me really nervous about how I would keep in touch with all my mom-friends (who aren't just mom-friends anymore, but just friends).  But here was the unexpected surprise, I still get to see my Stay at Home Mom friends (most of them are still at home, at least part time). And I guess I have the kids to thank for that.

In the early days of being home, the kiddies were all napping twice a day - morning and afternoon, so our playdates were usually lunch dates.  And they were great, we got to sit and chit chat and eat lunch while the kids played around us.  This was before they were all walking  running around.  When we could actually sit and chill and lament about parenthood and our sex lives.  Then the playdates kind of went away. The kids were all napping at different times, our classes were scattered, and it was hard to find a day and time that worked for us. And now, they seem to be back in action, and I couldn't be happier about it.  First of all, they're happening after the kids' naptimes which is usually anywhere from 12-3.  So the playdates are around 3:30/4:00 which mean my school teacher self gets to make it to them!

And now, they've gotten easier - the kids play with the toys and each other (as much as toddlers do) and except for the occassional "fight" over a toy, we get to hang out and chat about our kids, our husbands, and all the other crap going on in our lives. 
I'm feeling lucky.  Lucky to have met a group of women who love my kid.  A group of women who still include me even though I'm a "working mom" now.  A group of women who ask me how school is when I show up at the play date.  A group of women who have been with me through a whole lot of sh**. 

It's nice to be back in the playdate circle.

Now I just have to figure out how to get my act together and host one....hmmm maybe Veteran's Day or some other day when I have off....

Maternity Leave Expectations

This week, my brother in law and his girlfriend came to visit.  He moved to the Czech Republic about 3 years ago to teach English and met his girlfriend who is from there.

The other night we got to talking about maternity leaves. She asked me why I was going back to work so soon...I was taken aback by the question because most mothers I know ask me how I was able to stay home so long.  And here she was asking me why I was going back to work after a year and half of staying home.  I went through my answer: partly financial, partly because I think Jenna was ready for some independent time and partly because when I (hopefully) have another baby I will stay home for longer because my teachers' salary will not pay for the childcare of two children. And partly because I would like to redo our kitchen and our bathroom...but that's a whole other thing altogether.

Then she told me how it works in the Czech Republic. Obviously the details are not 100% accurate because she has not gone through the process yet. But it goes something like this: paid maternity leave for 2, 3 or 4 years (to qualify you need to make a certain amount of money)

I found an article about this which said:
Within the first six months of their maternity leave, they have to decide which type of parental allowance they want to draw. Parents are free to choose between a two-year parental leave with a monthly contribution of 11,400 crowns, a three-year parental leave with a monthly contribution of 7,600 crowns or a four-year leave with a monthly contribution of 7,600 which is reduced to 3,800 when the child reaches 21 months of age. In short, the longer time they want to spend at home with their child the less money they get.

Leaving some of the details aside, what struck me most was two things:
#1 - Mothers may take a maternity leave for a significant amount of time to raise their children without the fear of losing their job. 
#2 - Not only is their job there for them when they get back, but they're given some sort of financial assistance while they are on leave.

Oh.my.god.
In the United States, there is no law that says women have to be paid for any maternity leave. I work for the Department of Education in NY and the 6 weeks you get for maternity leave is unpaid (you may use up all your sick days and borrow some, but that can leave you with negative days when you return, which is the case for me).  And in regard to job security, although as a tenured teacher, I have that, most of my friends who work in the private sector do not. 

I think it's very interesting the differences that exist around the world with regard to childcare and work.  I wonder if we had something like that in place here if more women would choose to stay home.

my stress level

I'm one of those people who likes to seem to have it all together...it's a facade...I'm a good faker.
And right now, my ability to fake it is getting smaller and smaller. So I thought that if I list out the things that are stressing me, maybe it would help...

1. I am about to rock my daughter's world.  The world as she knows it is about to be turned upside down and inside out.  She's going to be starting daycare next week.  Don't tell me she's going to love it.   In her short life, she has never known what weekends are. She has never known a full day without her mommy.  She has never had to nap with kids all around her. And starting next week, I am asking her to stay in a place she's not really familiar with for long periods of time, with people she doesn't know.  Don't tell me it's good for her. Everytime I think about next week, I start to tear up. She's my little girl and it makes me sad to be dropping her off at daycare.  That's how I feel right now at this moment.  I know hope that she is going to love it.  She spent a little bit of time there and she loved that everything was her size.  But it doesn't make the transition any easier. As much as she doesn't know life without her mommy.  I don't know life without her right now either.  It'll be just as much as transition for me as it is for her.

2. Mike starts his new job on Monday...in Seattle.  The job is not in Seattle - but he's starting with a week out there for training.  A week. Without Mike. Without Jenna (see #1).  Now Mike and I are not the kind of couple that does things apart.  Other than an occasional bachelor party or business trip, we don't do the whole "apart" thing.  We've never been apart for a week. Ever. So, a week without Mike, Jenna's starting daycare....oh...

3. My brother in law and his grilfriend are coming to visit us next week.  He lives in the Czech Republic and comes in only once a year.  I cannot wait to see him and meet his girlfriend.  I've already sent him an email and let him know over Skype (seriously should do this if you don't already) that I may be what some may call a mess next week.  So he's been forewarned.  I'm hoping I can hold it together and show them a good New York time.  Mike told him he has to hold me together while he's away.  That's a pretty tall order and I hope he's up for the challenge. 

4.  Work starts soon.  I know I know teachers hate talking about school when it's still summer. But for me, August is like the end of the road.  I'm nervous/excited/anxious about going back to work.  I hope I'm still good at it.  I hope it's like riding a bike.

so the stress is high over here but i'm going to try to stay calm....

When 4 days feels like a week...in a good way

We hightailed it outta here on Friday.  I'm not mincing words here when I say that we needed some time off.  Between Mike not working to finding a job he's super excited about, to me going from SAHM to Working Mom in a few weeks to Jenna starting full time daycare in two weeks and lots of house guests coming and going the next few weeks...We took a well-deserved break.  I'm not going to call it a vacation (if you're a loyal follower you know this already) because I believe once you travel with kids, it's not really a vacation, but more a change of scenery. 
We drove up to Mystic, Ct., which is normally a 2 hour drive, but the traffic on Friday was RIDICULOUS, so we stopped off at Norwich for the Aquarium and dinner.  Jenna LOVED it! she was running around, touching animals, and playing with everything.

It was a great spur of the moment car decision to pull off the traffic-ridden road and try out a new place.  We got to hang there, grab some dinner and hit the road again (thank god the traffic died down) and got up to Mystic in time for bed.  Mystic was awesome.  We hit up the seaport and did a boat ride (Jenna's first), went to the aquarium there, and went to Ocean Beach Park. 

Loving the spray park!

Thing is, it wasn't what we did that was so good for us.  It was so nice to just be the three of us for four days straight.  We're big family people, so we're always seeing family and friends and sometimes our weekends feel like we don't get a minute to breathe.  So it was amazing for us to just be together, with no real plan of action.  We took family baths in our room jacuzzi...laughed all the way home from dinner one night just from making raspberries with our mouths...touched sting rays, starfish and shells...played in a spray park for what felt like hours...and realized that Jenna is in fact afraid of carousels. 

Jenna does not like carousels

It was great to just stop and enjoy ourselves.  It didn't matter that we ate dinner on the early side so Jenna could go to bed at a normal hour, or that we ate at family-friendly restaurants, as opposed to some fancier places (they have liquor and beer at the family friendly ones too), that we didn't get to read all about the seaport and it's history, or that we couldn't spend all day laying out at the beach.  It was great to be away.

And despite my feelings on these things, it actually felt like a vacation...

Our New Reality

We checked out Jenna's daycare this week. Although I had been there before for the tour and information and filled out all the paperwork, today was the finalization of everything.  We saw the room that she will be in, the kids that will be in her class, and her teachers.  She even got to hang out for storytime with her soon-to-be BFFs! She did great.  Mike and I stood watching her while she listened to the teacher read a story.  When she got a little antsy, it was the teacher who calmed her down. 

Honestly, I wanted to run and grab her when she got a little upset, and it took all my will power not to.  I can't believe she starts in two weeks.  Next week, we go in together and spend an hour or so on one or two days.  Then August 2nd, I drop her off. Period. I'll start be leaving her there for a few hours a day, working up to a full day by the second week. 

I'm having some mommy guilt about starting her in August when I technically don't go back to work until the very end of the month.  And I'm sure many will judge me for taking this time to transition.  But I'm okay with this decision.  I have been away from work for what will be 18 months.  I need time to get my head around it and get my shit together.  This is near impossible to do while watching a toddler.  And I really feel like the more "ready" I feel for work, the better and easier all this will be.  I also want to be around if they need me to come get her or if she gets sick. I won't be able to do that once I'm back at work (my mom will have to do that for us).  I think know she's going to be happy there - so many kids, so many toys, and all the furniture is her height! At the same time I know it's going to be very bittersweet for me. 

You are my sunshine!

How I love awards! Harmony from Baby to Go sent this my way...

Here are the rules


#1 Thank Harmony (a big thank you!) and you should go to her blog and check her out.
#2 Share ten things about myself.
#3 Pass this on to 10 bloggers(it'll probably be closer to 5 - sorry!)
#4 Let the bloggers know I've picked them for the award

Okeedokee 10 things about me...

#1 - I'm a lefty - well, I write with my left hand (meaning I usually have marker and pen ink all over my hands and arm) but do everything else with my right (weird - I know)
#2 - I hate shopping.  I hate browsing through stores with no real purpose.  The thought of spending the day at the mall seriously makes me nauseous.  I will only go shopping if I have a very specific thing to buy. Gift cards are probably one of the worst things to give me because they sit in my wallet forever!
#3 - I really trust my "sixth sense" - When I get that nervous feeling in my stomach - it's usually right
#4 - Studying abroad in London my junior year of college was one of the best decisions/experiences of my life - living in Europe and getting to travel all over was just amazing.  I hope Jenna wants to go abroad.
#5 - I try to act all tough, but inside I'm really a sissy.
#6 - I come from a long line of long marriages - my parents are at like 45 years (and still love each other), and I think there's only one divorce in my whole extended family (both sides) - I tell my husband - when we say "I do" it's seriously for life
#7 - I'm jealous of moms who can still wear bikinis - although I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight, those damn stretch marks did me in (eff you genes!)
#8 - I'm a huge "gamer" - I take competition very seriously.  Anything from license plate poker (ask me how to play) to scrabble (more than one person has cried during a game with my family) to headstand contests in the pool (Jen beat me last time) - I like to win.
#9 - I don't ever want to have a pet.  I like other people's pets, but have no desire to ever have one of my own.  I lived with a roommate who had a dog and you know what? The house smells - you get used to it when you live there, but that doesn't mean the smell goes away.  And I really don't believe that dogs belong in the city.
#10 - I'm feeling really sad about going back to work in September.


Passing some sunshine onto some blogs I've been really into lately and have linked up with a few times...




not only a great read, but I won my first contest through Cali and it was awesome!!

Katies Bookcase
I love reading, love reading reviews and this girl's got it all!







Thanks to these blogs for the Not Mom of the Year contest - loved doing it, loved reading the entries!!




Thank you for making me a better writer - writing the letters to myself was one of the best things I've ever written and I don't know if I would've had the courage without your linky!

Guest Post: Evolution of the Playgroup

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about this guest post from Harm over at Baby To Go.  I've been asking her to post for me for a long time now, and she finally stopped traveling for long enough to write something for me.  She's out of her usual comfort zone (traveling with baby/toddler in tow) and writing about us...not her and I (although we're in here) us as in moms and our relationships with each other.

I would call Harm one of my best mommy friends, but in truth she's just one of my best friends.  I am lucky to have met her and so happy that our kids are growing up together.  She is a big reason why I am not looking forward to going back to work.  Okay, enough about my love for her - check out what she has to say about our playgroups and leave her some comments!!

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Parallel Play: The evolution of the playgroup

When my son was 5 weeks old, I ventured out to a new mom meet-up in our neighborhood. I was looking for some adults to talk to, and something to do. I never though I would meet so many great friends, with kids around the same age as C. That is how I met Melissa & Jenna.

Out of this weekly meet-up grew our little playgroup. We would meet weekly, at a rotating hostess’ apartment. The hostess would provide lunch, and we would sit around and chat while our babies lay on blankets and stared at each other. These playdates would last for 3 or 4 hours. Kids would nap if they were tired. They would eat, maybe play with some new toys… who knew how blissful this really was?

C dressed up for his 1st play date, June '09

Last fall we began to take classes together and in good weather, groups went for long walks in the neighborhood or out to lunch. As winter turned to spring, our group became a little more informal, meeting mainly at the local playgrounds and sometimes the park for a picnic. Enjoying the emerging nice weather after the snowy winter months.


But about three months ago, when my son started walking, any attempt to “socialize” with another mom & child, became not so fun. Picture me chasing after my son, with broken bits of adult conversation in between. In the past few months, play dates have been on hiatus, and maybe it’s just the warmer weather, but at the same time, now that the children are rambunctious toddlers, it’s hard to have 5 or 6 (or more!) kids running around an apartment. Meeting another mom for a stroll, or coffee (so fun and easy when they are little infants) is impossible. Even a trip to the zoo or children’s museum, each mom is running after their lil’one… usually in opposite directions!

There is also the nap factor. Most of the kids we know are in the 16-20 month range. And their naps are at different times, different lengths. Some kids have to be home to nap, some kids are more flexible with their nap schedules. So it makes even finding a time of day to get together quite tough.


So even though I “interact” with other moms (I haven’t morphed into a hermit, and btw, my kid has no nap schedule) I miss my mommy-friends and our get-togethers. I guess with everything baby-related, this is just a phase. You probably could coin it the parallel play phase. And I’m talking about the parents here, not the kids. As the kids grow, and become more self-sufficient, I’m hoping the play dates will evolve to where we moms can sit back on the couch, have a glass of vino, laugh about our husbands, while the kids play together.


At what age does that happen?

I am so Not Mom of the Year

When I saw this contest going on from the ladies at Life Without Pink and the Momologist, I had to join in on the fun.  Over the last almost 16 months, I have had countless moments where I've said "Well I guess I'm not winning the mommy of the year award!"








It's all in good fun, but when I started thinking about specific instances where I was certainly not mom of the year - the few that came to mind quick all had to do with Jenna falling - from high and low.  I'm laughing writing this, but really, it's kinda not funny.  But I guess since I know she's okay, I'm allowed to laugh about it...

First the low...
At two weeks old (she was super little) we had her in bed with us.  God we were just trying to get some sleep and at that point the only way she would sleep was on our chest.  Well that's where she was, and I must of been completely sleep deprived, because I forgot she was there and rolled over and she dropped off my chest from the bed onto the floor.  Panic insued. Pediatrician called and visited.  She was/is fine.  I didn't tell anyone about this for months because I was afraid they would say I wasn't a good mommy. 

Now the middle...
You thought the bed was high...umm no...Jenna's fallen from higher.  Right around her first birthday, we went with some friends to the Long Island Children's Museum.  Great place for kids of all ages.  Well, they have this toddler room where the kids can run around and climb on things.  In the room they had this awesome real life motorcycle. I really wanted to get Jenna up there (you know where this is going right?!?)
Well we got this adorable picture first....

And then she went falling off the motorcyle.  You see my arm on the right, well she fell left, and what you don't see in the picture is some small steps next to the bike (so kids can walk up to it).  Yeah she fell off, bounced down the steps and landed with a thud.  I swear  I was watching her - I have proof - my hand is holding her!! But she fell, this time from pretty high up.

 

And the high...

If you're a reader of my blog (and you should be if you're not already), you know this story.  It was a few months ago, and we were staying at our friend's HOUSE.  We live in an apartment.  I thought Mike had her, he thought I had her. Well the stairs had her.  All we heard {he was in the bathroom, I was in the bedroom} was a thud and screaming. Jenna fell down a pretty substantial flight of stairs.  Thing is, I have no idea if she walked down a few and then slid down the rest, or if she slid on her butt, or if she flipped down them...it's probably better off.  Cause either way, she fell down a flight of stairs. It was a holy shit moment if there ever was one. 

 

Thank god our kid is tough because she's taken some good falls.  It's not that we don't watch her, it's just that I'm not mom of the year!

Join in the fun! Why should you get the Not Mom of the Year Award??

One Nap Two Naps Long Naps Short Naps

I have been a very lucky mommy because up until this past week, Jenna (at 15+ months) was still consistently taking two naps a day - morning (the typical 2+ hours after wake up time) and afternoon (usually around 1:00).  Last week, morning nap went away.
Suddenly.
Without warning.
I've been expecting this day to come...I mean most of my friends with kids the same age said goodbbye to the morning nap a few months ago.  But it kinda kicked me in the ass.
My usually wonderful napper literally started refusing the morning nap.  She would do all her typical before nap things, like rub her eyes, tug at her ear, get a little clumsy. She would even walk over to her crib and reach up.  I would put her in, she'd have her pacifier (seriously, we need  to get rid of that shit soon) and she would chill out for a little while. But no nap.
Okay, so she's ready for one nap - no problem - it's time - she's old enough. I just didn't realize that this would be another one of those "transitions" which take some time.
So I did what I'm sure most moms do - I read up on it - I looked in books, online, asked friends to see how I can make this transition as smoothe as possible.
On the days when I was still trying the morning nap, but not getting one, I made a point of getting out of the house immediately. I figure if she's not going to nap, then we may as well have some fun. We went to the park, we took walks, we went to the pool. Basically I took her places where napping was not even an option.  Then I gave her an early lunch (between 11 and 11:30) and put her down for a nap after.  This seems to be working - she goes right down in her crib and falls asleep. 
The only thing we need to work on now is getting her to sleep just a little longer during this nap.  She's never been much of a long napper - has always been pretty good at taking them, but not necessarily for any length of time. I think she needs about an hour and a half to be well rested for the rest of the day, but right now it seems that after an hour she's up.  We haven't had much crankiness, but we have had slightly earlier bedtimes...

The one thing I've been really trying to do is be home for her naptime.  She's always napped best i nher crib and I feel like until we get this consistent, I'd rather her be in the most comfortable place.  And quite honestly, with the heat being so bad, it's nice to be "forced" inside from 12-1:00ish everyday.

So I'm reaching out for some help...Any suggestions on how to make the transition easy?? How can I get her to stay sleeping just a little longer??

Daddy's Little Girl

Here's what the "new" thing is over here in Jenna-land...she LOOOOVES her daddy.  And when I say loves, I mean "get out of the way mommy, cause I see daddy!"

Now, on one hand, I think this is awesome.  I mean my husband is an amazing, hands-on dad who deserves all this love from his daughter.  I love that she reaches for him, that she goes to him when she gets upset, that she likes to cuddle in his arms when she just gets up. 

But lately, it's been a bit excessive.  The other night I literally could not get her to calm down for bed.  It was 'my turn' to put her in and Jenna would not have it.  She was literally screaming bloody murder until I gave in and gave her over to daddy and you know what she did?!? She calmed right down and cuddled in his arms with a big ass grin on her face.  I could almost hear her saying "ahh so much better." I know my feelings shouldn't be hurt, but c'mon!! I know it's just a phase. And quite honestly, the other night when she got up at 3 am for no reason and only wanted daddy, I was happy to oblige. But I'm her mommy, I pushed her out of a too-small hole and put my career on hold for almost 18 months to give her all of me...and all she wants now is daddy?!!?!

After that 3 am wake up, we brought her into bed with us and Mike (feeling a little guilty about the #1 daddy role lately) took a picture of us in the morning and said, "Look honey, she ended up cuddling with her mommy." Umm...I think he was just trying to make me feel better - it worked - aren't we cute?!?

Please click here to vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs!

Top Mommy Blogs just reset their numbers and I went back and forth as to how much begging I was going to do for votes because I guess it all comes down to "why am I doing this?"

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love to write.  And this has been a great way for me to write down all the little things that go on in our day to day lives.  I'm sure some people may find this boring, others may like reading about someone else's life, and I know family and friends like hearing all the Jenna and Mike stories.  It's also a way for me to document all my feelings about being a new mom, staying home, going back to work, and all the crazy emotions you feel.  I also think this is going to be an amazing gift to give my daughter when she's older.  I wish I could read about all the feelings my mom had when she was raising my brother and I...I'd love to hear about all the dumb stuff we did...and how we drove her crazy. 

Then I found there's this whole other world out there of moms doing the same thing I am, trying to figure this whole parenting thing out.  Some of their stories make me laugh, others make me cry, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one feeling the way I do. 

I don't get as many comments on the blog as I'd like to (not going to beg for them, but c'mon if you're reading it and have somehting to say, click on the comment button!).  But lots of people contact me in other ways about what I'm writing here (emails, wall posts on FB, texts, phone calls), so I know people are reading and (hopefully) liking what they see. 

I've even had a few random people (some blasts from the past in my life and some complete strangers) tell me thank you for things I've written here...so I'm going to keep it up as much as possible.  With going back to work in September, I'm hoping I can still keep this going.

And for the person reading this who's about to go on a long car ride with their toddler...a box of tissues can be an amazing toy to get you through traffic!

Jenna pulling all the tissues out of the box!

To answer my initial question, I will be doing a little bit of begging for votes because I think my blog is a worthwhile and good read. Top Mommy Blogs helps me get new people to read my blog...

so please click here to vote for Diary of a New Mom!

Thanks!

Excitable? Yes We Are!

I was looking for some inspiration and stumbled upon Mama Kat and she had this writers prompt posted:


 What does your child do that reminds you most of yourself? How does it make you feel?

and it got me thinking...

Okay - so let me start on my first date with my hubby.  Weird place to begin when talking about what my daughter does, but bear with me for a second...
We spent the night talking and talking, and although we started out at a bar and even went with some people to a dance club, we spent most of the night nursing two beers each, talking. I knew he was "different" - we really got to know each other that night and Mike described me that night as "excitable" and seriously, there is no better word to describe me.  It amazed me that a guy I literally just met had me labeled so quickly and accurately.  And yes, if you know me in real life, you know that I am what you would call...excitable.  My emotions take over me sometimes - I become very err-passionate about many things - and I typically react quickly to these feelings.  Sometimes this is a great thing, and other times, not so much.

So anyway, my daughter...she seems to have inherited this gene of mine.  It may just be the whole toddler-thing where she understands so much more than she can communicate or it's just her mommy in her - but she can be quite excitable.  And like her mommy, it can be wonderful and umm not so wonderful. 

When she is excited, like this morning when Sesame Street came on, she's ridiculously excited - literally jumping around the living room, laughing at herself and falling over with glee.  Running from the TV to the couch and back again like this is the best thing in the world.  It's adorable and hilarious to watch. 

Then there's the times when she doesn't get what she wants - like when Mr. Softee comes to the park (and she's already had ice cream that day) and she literally runs to the truck and throws a FIT when I don't get her a cone.  I was that mom who had to man-handle my kid into her stroller while she was raging and push her out of the park.  She was literally overcome with emotion and wanted that ice cream so bad.

So yes this excitable gene seems to have passed on to another generation (my dad has it too) and I'm hoping she is able to control it better than I can...

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Letters to Myself

Join in the letter writing campaign at Raising Madison.
This was hands-down one of the hardest posts I've ever written...please be kind.

Dear pre-teen me,
Don't buy those red glasses.  Even though mommy says you look beautiful.  How can I put this nicely? You look kinda dorky.  And for the rest of your life, you're going to have to look at your Bat-Mitzvah pictures and see those red glasses.  Oh and the bangs...I know all the girls have them, but your hair is not cut out for bangs.  you barely know how to use a hair dryer and wavy bangs are just not the way to go.  So between the red glasses and the bangs, those pictures are going to be hard to look at.  But just know that this coming summer, you're going to grow out those bangs and get contacts which will change.your.life.  People won't even recognize you in September and you're going to feel really pretty and guess what? Boys are actually going to start paying attention to you!


Dear teenager me,
You may think you know everything, but you don't.  That boy that you're dating-ugh! You're parents are very right about him.  Get rid of him ASAP.  But if you don't, don't worry there will be others who are much more worthy of your time! Try to be nicer to your parents.  They're really smart people.  And they give you a lot of freedom, you should try to respect them a little more.  You're going to get caught smoking something not exactly FDA approved. It's a long story, but you'll have a scar on your thigh for the rest of your life to remind you of that night. Mom and Dad are not going to be happy with you, but you will gain their trust back and one day will even be able to laugh about it.  But seriously, don't laugh about it now, they're pissed off.  Keep up the good work at school - that high school was a great choice, lots of hard work, but it'll really prepare you for college.

Dear college-age me,
Okay, I want to tell you that you should go to Bio and maybe then you'll be the doctor you always wanted to be, but I think you end up pretty happy. So you know what, keep skipping that class (who the hell makes Bio 101 at 8:30 in the morning anyway?!?) and learn what it's like for the first time in your life to fail a class.  Psychology is a much better choice for you anyway.  Also, don't be such a bitch to Brian at that date party - you end up with a loser.  You're going to grow up a lot during these years.  Be really grateful that mom and dad took out a loan so you could study abroad. Enjoy your time there cause you think you're going to get back to Europe really soon, but it'll actually take you several years to get back there. So enjoy every second. You're going to make a huge decision there, consider it a lIfe lesson learned...Know that you made the right decision.  It was a  hard one to make. But in the end, it's really what's best.  You will never regret it.  The girls you live with now are going to be your bridesmaids at your wedding - they're good people.  You loved college, loved studying abroad, did some stupid shit and you made it out alive.

Dear 23 year old me,
You're going to think the world is ending, it may change forever, but it doesn't end.  Wait for dad at your office, he would never leave the city without you.  Call your new sister in law, she's the only one with phone service who can tell mom that you and dad are okay. You both get home safe and in a roundabout way this changes your career path.  Follow the new one.  You're going to love being a teacher, even though you never wanted to be one because mom and Neil already do it.  It's a perfect fit for you and it'll be even better fit when you become a mom. 

Dear 26 year old me,
Your heart is broken, but in just a few months, you're going to meet your soul mate.  You'll know it from the first date.  Give yourself some time to heal and get back out there because he's waiting for you.  Let people set you up on blind dates (especially Sue's friend Lana) and don't waste your time on guys that aren't worth it.  The guy you're going to meet this summer is going to make you laugh harder than you've laughed ever.  He's going to make you smile everyday and you will be unable to stay mad at him, even when you want to.  Even though you're scared to move in with him, follow your heart, he's a keeper.  And Jersey is not so bad, you'll even grow to like it, even though you'll always be a Queens girl at heart. Don't worry, you'll be able to convince him that NY is where it's at and your 3 hour commutes will be over.

Dear 29/30 year old me,
Don't become consumed with planning your wedding.  At the end of those 5 hours, it's just you and him and a lifetime together.  Remember that it's about the marriage and not the wedding.  This is going to be a year of changes for you - new home, new marriage, and new baby.  Try to enjoy all the small things.  They go super fast.  And you will survive living with your parents (and you'll even like it). They're going to take good care of you while you're pregnant and you won't have to lift a finger.  When you finally get into your new apartment, enjoy the first few days, because Jenna is going to be two weeks early! You're going to love her at first sight.  It's a love like you have never known.  Those first six weeks are going to suck big time, but it'll all be worth it.  Give her formula for god sake.  It'll be better for you and for her.  Don't feel guilty! And don't worry, the crying will eventually stop - hers and yours.

Dear 31 year old me,
Enjoy every minute of this time with Jenna.  You are one lucky momma to be able to stay home with her and see her grow this past year and a half.  Don't listen when people say you're nuts to start taking classes so early.  You need this - you're going to make amazing new friends there - let them into your life. They're worth it!  There are going to be some really tough days when you lose your shit so don't be afraid to ask for help.  Don't let your pride get in the way.  You moved closer to family to have the support - use it! Nobody will judge you for having a bad day.  And go away on that long weekend with Mike - you both need some time to be together. Try not to forget that in addition to being a mommy, you're still a wife and an individual too.

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Plugged in Parenting

We get the newspaper delivered to our door each morning and while were eating our breakfast, I was perusing through the paper and checking my emails on my phone (I'm a great multi-tasker) when I came across this article

The Risks of Parenting While Plugged In

Check it out...or not...it's about parents and technology and how we're so worried about our kids overuse of technology but are we (parents) just as bad?

We've all seen it or done it:
-pushing our kid on the swing while talking on the phone
-texting a friend while 'playing' with our kids
-surfing the web on our laptop while kids are having a snack

I've even been known to judge caretakers who seem to be on the phone allthetime...But I have a few comments about this "problem" (I'm not sure we can call it that just yet)

As a stay at home mom, my smart phone is sometimes my lifeline to the outside world and my way of telling our family all the cute things Jenna is doing.  It's how I send my hubby cute pics of Jenna when he's having a tough day at work.  It's how I set up lunch dates or play dates with other mommies and their kids.  It's also where I got to video Jenna's first steps, upload it to youtube and send it out before I even got home that day. 

And then of course there are times where I'm using it just for fun - like checking out what's going on in the world of facebook or twitter.  And I don't know - does Jenna need my undivided total attention 24 hours a day?? I'm not sure.  I think there's something to be said for her playing by herself for a little while - I think it fosters independence. I also think that we'd like to have more children which means that she's going to have to be able to keep herself occupied for a bit when there's a little one around...

Or maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better because I'm guilty of this behavior sometimes. 

One mother's comment on the article...

A mother made a child wait a minute or two for her attention because she was doing something not directly involving him. She even let him fuss for a moment rather than instantly reward his whining.

And this is considered a "troubling" incident? Does the nitpicking and guilt tripping of the modern parent never end?

Back at Work...Sorta

I headed back to work for a planning day. Basically I got to spend the day with my fellow 3rd grade teachers and plan out the beginning of next year.  I went in without pay because I thought it would be a good way for me to "get me feet wet." Plus I got to see my class list and wrap my head around what work is going to be like for me next year...new grade, new teachers to work with, standardized tests....blah blah blah

It was hard to leave Jenna in the morning (my mom took off to take care of her) - I heard her crying as I left the house, but I knew she was in good hands.  And to be completely honest, it felt kinda good to be back - maybe it was because I knew it was only for a day, or maybe because it was definitely a worthwhile day at work (getting to plan like that is really awesome for a teacher), or maybe because ::eek:: I'm ready to go back to work. 

I am one of those lucky people who loves their job.  I seriously enjoy my time as a teacher and I actually think I'm pretty good at it.  So going back to work is not this horrible horrible thing for me.  And I think because I am kinda sorta looking forward to it - I'm feeling a little guilty.  I'm looking forward to being more than just a mommy (is that terrible?!?) I'm looking forward to talking about other kids, looking forward to complaining about paperwork or how everything is going to get done or how I'm going to get this kid to read....I also think I have the best job for a mommy - when push comes to shove, I only work for half the year, have many many many holidays off and (the obvious) every summer is mine to spend with my baby. 

And you know what else - coming home at the end of my day - Jenna RAN TO ME! It was the BEST mommy feeling in the whole world - she didn't forget who I was and wasn't mad that I abandoned her - but she was seriously psyched to see her mommy. And her mommy was just as psyched to see her baby. 

The Outside Looking In

Every once in a while I feel like an outsider to my former life.  I love where I am right now but every once in a while - like an itch you can't reach - I remember the person I used to be and can't believe we're the same person. 

Let me just say that the majority of my close pre-Jenna friends do not have kids.  So our lives are just different.  I had a conversation with a friend about how Mike and I don't really go out that much anymore and she said 'well none of us go out that much anymore.' And I kind of laughed because she had plans that night to go out with a bunch of girls for dinner.  I said everyone may not party as much anymore, but I'm definitely in a place where even a dinner out is kind of a big deal and a lot of work to get done.  Between babysitters and bedtime and where's Jenna going to be - sometimes most of the time it's just easier to stay in.

For us, weekends are important, it's the only time that the three of us get to spend together and we try to make them as fun as possible.  Our weekends are more likely to include spending time with family (who let's be honest want to see the kid), or at the playground, or the Botanical Gardens or the Children's Museum of Manhattan or places like that as opposed to our friends' parties which usually involve afternoon drinking and eating. Trust me when I say that a day like that sounds amazing, just not necessarily in the cards for us right now.  Asking grandparents to babysit all afternoon into evening on a Saturday so we can go get plastered just doesn't seem realistic right now.  It's just a new reality that we're getting used to. 

Don't get me wrong, I really do love where we are right now, it's just that many of our friends are not in the same place, so at times, that can be difficult.  I know some of my friends are going to read this and I hope they don't take it the wrong way because I really do miss spending a lot of time with them and I hope they don't get upset when we have to miss things.  And it's not that we're using Jenna as an excuse - it's just that our priorities are completely different than they were 2 years ago.  Everyone says that when you become a parent "everything changes." And I expected for me to change but I think they forget to tell you that some of those changes can be really hard on all the relationships in your life - from your husband to your parents to your friends...

I guess it's really about trying to carve out time for everyone and everything - family, friends, kids...and most importantly yourself - it's just that sometimes it's easier said than done...

Parenting Styles

People talk about different parenting styles all the time. Most of the time you're comparing yourself to your friends or people you know.  But I think it's even more obvious between my husband and I.  Luckily, we agree on the real core issues on how we're going to raise our child(ren) - you know, values and stuff...but on some everyday things...we just differ.

Case(s) in point:
* Jenna goes to sleep around 7 each night - I poke my head in once a little after I stop hearing her over the monitor and I'm done - no more checking for me.  However, hubby comes home (after she's sleeping) and checks on her, checks on her after he showers, and does at least one more check before we go to bed.  (And those are just the times he tells me about!) And when I say "check" I mean he goes in and places his hand on her belly to check for breathing...

* Over a recent weekend, Jenna went down for her morning nap - which usually lasts about an hour - after an hour and a half - I'm saying to him "this is great" and he goes to her door and she's sort of zoning out but sitting up.  He tells me she's up and I say - well she'll let us know when she wants us....I feel like if she's just chilling in her crib, why should we take her out...he then asks me if this is "what I do" - And I explain to him, that I never know exactly what time she wakes from her nap because I do not obsessively check on her...Well he kept checking until she finally saw him and stood up for him to get her...

* I admit it, I "watch" Jenna by ear sometimes.  Meaning, I can be in the living room and I will listen for what room she is in and if I feel like she's gone to far or gets too quiet, I call her back in.  If she doesn't respond, I obviously go and find her.  (Please note - we live in an apartment -she's never too far) Hubby follows her - into every room.  If she walks out, so does he.  He makes fun of me, I make fun of him....different styles...

He claims I can be a little more "hands off" (his words, not mine) because I'm home with her and I "know her better" (again, his words), not sure that I agree with this or not.  But either way I guess it's good that we both do what's comfortable for us and I assume Jenna will come to expect those roles from us and probably use them against us at some point (god I'm scared of her teenage years!)

Back to School

Spent the morning up at my school today - told my principal that I'll be back in September...told all the teachers...and saw all the kids.  It's funny how you can work in a place for years, but take a little bit of time off (for me it will be a total of 18 months) and it's like a foreign place.  I was so nervous heading over there today - not sure exactly what was making me nervous but just anxious about going back to my old life again I guess. 
I haven't been a teacher or a colleague or a professional for over a year - I've been a mommy.  And I hope that I keep a good perspective about things. 

After spending a couple of hours there, I realized that I'm very lucky - I work for good people, work with great people (some of my best friends) and the kids are fantastic.  I remember when I first went for an interview there and I had to do a lesson in front of several teachers, they asked if I was nervous and I said as I looked at all the kids in the classroom, "not anymore."  That's kind of how I felt today - seeing the kids, being in the classrooms, I know it will be nice to be back. 

Of course, I don't have to fill out official paperwork until September, so I can always change my mind (just kdding!)