It's Saturday over here (but you probably won't see this til Monday cause I have to see how tomorrow goes) and we are officially in the midst of Jenna's first real sick day. We've been so lucky so far - she has never run a fever over 99.9 in her little life...but today she ran a whopping 103.7!!
I got nervous and for whatever reason her pediatricians' office phone lines were down and their offices were locked (I'll deal with that issue tomorrow - they're supposed to be open 7 days a week and phone line typically has an outgoing message with an emergency number, but the line wasn't picking up). So I took her over to my doctor (who is also a ped) and I learned two things:
#1 - it's viral which means lots of TLC and Motrin/Tylenol
#2 - if your kid runs fever, give her tylenol to get the fever down. It's a whole lot easier to examine a child who's not burning up. I didn't know that...I thought that if I gave her something, I may not be able to give her antibiotics...I dunno - dumb mom move. But again, I've never dealt with her having a fever before (or myself - I don't run fever - random fact about me)
Okay, so I'm rambling...and I'm feeling the first ever working mom dilemma. Because obviously, we're keeping her home from daycare on Monday, and I can't stay home with her. It's the second day of school for my kids and I just cannot take the day. Mike is in a pretty new job and for him to start taking days now just looks bad. So we're relying on my mom to watch her Monday. Honestly, she'll probably be feeling much better by then, but still...the one time she gets sick and I can't be with her. That shits. It's not the end of the world, my mother is a fabulous stand-in for me and Mike, but she's not Jenna's mommy.
I can see pretty clearly what a different type of teacher I'm going to be this year. I'm going to give my 100% because I don't know how not to, but my heart's going to be somewhere else. And my ass is going to be out the door at 3:17 on Monday.
Showing posts with label teaching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teaching. Show all posts
Monday, September 13, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Oh the Guilt...
So I'm back at work this week setting up my classroom so it's all ready for the kids next week...and the guilt has started to set in. It's weird because this whole month Jenna's been in daycare and I've been...well, enjoying myself - going to the beach, meeting friends for lunch, relaxing poolside...and honestly haven't felt guilty for one second. But I head into work for the past two days and the guilt has been a little overwhelming.
The only thing I can think of is that no matter where I was while she was in daycare this past month, if she needed me, I could be there in an instant, noone and nothing else needed me. But now, I need to set up my classroom, I need to be prepared, I need to do my best. One of my friends said to me today while I was stressing about what bulletin board should go where (which anyone who's a teacher knows, is kind of a big deal), "So you're still an A+ huh? I thought motherhood would chill you out a little." It stung a little. And then I got over it. Because I pride myself in being an A+. I don't know how to do things half-ass. Which is why I'm feeling the guilt. Because now, in my life, something's gotta give. And it's going to have to be my job. I'm going to have to be the picture of efficiency. And I'm going to have to make sure I put my daughter first and whatever doesn't get done at work one day, will get done the next. She's more important. period.
The only thing I can think of is that no matter where I was while she was in daycare this past month, if she needed me, I could be there in an instant, noone and nothing else needed me. But now, I need to set up my classroom, I need to be prepared, I need to do my best. One of my friends said to me today while I was stressing about what bulletin board should go where (which anyone who's a teacher knows, is kind of a big deal), "So you're still an A+ huh? I thought motherhood would chill you out a little." It stung a little. And then I got over it. Because I pride myself in being an A+. I don't know how to do things half-ass. Which is why I'm feeling the guilt. Because now, in my life, something's gotta give. And it's going to have to be my job. I'm going to have to be the picture of efficiency. And I'm going to have to make sure I put my daughter first and whatever doesn't get done at work one day, will get done the next. She's more important. period.
Friday, August 20, 2010
I'm going back to school again
I have the butterflies in my stomach.
I just bought my first day outfit.
I'm reading and highlighting the curricula.
I'm making spreadhseets.
I started having the nightmares.
Yup...I am going back to school!
This year for the first time in almost 18 months, I'm heading back to work. I've gone back and forth about how I feel about going back a thousand times over, but now that it's really here, I feel good about it.
My thoughts behind the decision: I knew that we were going to put Jenna in some sort of half day (without mommy) program at some point over the next few months. I think as an 18 month old, it would be good for her to have some time with other kids and with another adult. And I couldn't rationalize staying home and having her in a half day program. That didn't make sense to us financially or logistically. So me going back to school was the decision we made.
So we put Jenna in daycare at the beginning of August to get her (and I) adjusted to this new routine. And I could not be happier with the results. Jenna is so happy there. It's week 3 right now and she waves bye to me and runs into her classroom. She came home saying her colors and tons of words that I know I did not teach her. She's in a great mood before going and in an even better mood when I pick her up. Before my eyes she turned into a little girl.
Anway, back to me and back to school. The past few weeks, I've been talking more about work, about my students, about my classroom, about my curriculum, about trips, and about fun things I'm going to do...and less about naps, and parks, and eating, and diapers. I've been doing some work every morning to prepare for the school year, enjoying some me time in the afternoon, and picking Jenna up after her nap and snack.
I get to put on my mommy hat and enjoy, really enjoy, every minute with her. I'm finding that I'm doing a better job at making my time with her quality time. When I pick her up, I shut my phone my computer, and my brain to everything but her. In the morning, before I drop her off, she has all of my attention. I actually think I may be a better mommy for it.
Yesterday, I went clothes shopping with my mom(not much of my work wardrobe fits me anymore). I put on an outfit and I said "This is Mrs. K---. This is not mommy." For the first time in 18 months, I have another purpose right now other than being a mommy. Mommy will always be my number one job, but I'm looking forward to having another purpose. I love my job and I'm good at it and I'm excited to be challenged and work hard and be successful at something other than motherhood. And I like who I work with.
I saw my friends from work the other day, and it made me even more confident in my decision. I am a lucky girl, because I work with amazing people. They have been not only my co-workers, but my friends for a really long time. I've grown up with these women and I know that if I'm having a bad day or miss my little girl, I'll have great support at school.
Jenna is so happy in her school and I'm going to be so happy at mine.
This is a blog hop, so click and join in on the Back to School fun!
I just bought my first day outfit.
I'm reading and highlighting the curricula.
I'm making spreadhseets.
I started having the nightmares.
Yup...I am going back to school!
This year for the first time in almost 18 months, I'm heading back to work. I've gone back and forth about how I feel about going back a thousand times over, but now that it's really here, I feel good about it.
My thoughts behind the decision: I knew that we were going to put Jenna in some sort of half day (without mommy) program at some point over the next few months. I think as an 18 month old, it would be good for her to have some time with other kids and with another adult. And I couldn't rationalize staying home and having her in a half day program. That didn't make sense to us financially or logistically. So me going back to school was the decision we made.
So we put Jenna in daycare at the beginning of August to get her (and I) adjusted to this new routine. And I could not be happier with the results. Jenna is so happy there. It's week 3 right now and she waves bye to me and runs into her classroom. She came home saying her colors and tons of words that I know I did not teach her. She's in a great mood before going and in an even better mood when I pick her up. Before my eyes she turned into a little girl.
Anway, back to me and back to school. The past few weeks, I've been talking more about work, about my students, about my classroom, about my curriculum, about trips, and about fun things I'm going to do...and less about naps, and parks, and eating, and diapers. I've been doing some work every morning to prepare for the school year, enjoying some me time in the afternoon, and picking Jenna up after her nap and snack.
I get to put on my mommy hat and enjoy, really enjoy, every minute with her. I'm finding that I'm doing a better job at making my time with her quality time. When I pick her up, I shut my phone my computer, and my brain to everything but her. In the morning, before I drop her off, she has all of my attention. I actually think I may be a better mommy for it.
Yesterday, I went clothes shopping with my mom(not much of my work wardrobe fits me anymore). I put on an outfit and I said "This is Mrs. K---. This is not mommy." For the first time in 18 months, I have another purpose right now other than being a mommy. Mommy will always be my number one job, but I'm looking forward to having another purpose. I love my job and I'm good at it and I'm excited to be challenged and work hard and be successful at something other than motherhood. And I like who I work with.
I saw my friends from work the other day, and it made me even more confident in my decision. I am a lucky girl, because I work with amazing people. They have been not only my co-workers, but my friends for a really long time. I've grown up with these women and I know that if I'm having a bad day or miss my little girl, I'll have great support at school.
Jenna is so happy in her school and I'm going to be so happy at mine.
This is a blog hop, so click and join in on the Back to School fun!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
my stress level
I'm one of those people who likes to seem to have it all together...it's a facade...I'm a good faker.
And right now, my ability to fake it is getting smaller and smaller. So I thought that if I list out the things that are stressing me, maybe it would help...
1. I am about to rock my daughter's world. The world as she knows it is about to be turned upside down and inside out. She's going to be starting daycare next week. Don't tell me she's going to love it. In her short life, she has never known what weekends are. She has never known a full day without her mommy. She has never had to nap with kids all around her. And starting next week, I am asking her to stay in a place she's not really familiar with for long periods of time, with people she doesn't know. Don't tell me it's good for her. Everytime I think about next week, I start to tear up. She's my little girl and it makes me sad to be dropping her off at daycare. That's how I feel right now at this moment. Iknow hope that she is going to love it. She spent a little bit of time there and she loved that everything was her size. But it doesn't make the transition any easier. As much as she doesn't know life without her mommy. I don't know life without her right now either. It'll be just as much as transition for me as it is for her.
2. Mike starts his new job on Monday...in Seattle. The job is not in Seattle - but he's starting with a week out there for training. A week. Without Mike. Without Jenna (see #1). Now Mike and I are not the kind of couple that does things apart. Other than an occasional bachelor party or business trip, we don't do the whole "apart" thing. We've never been apart for a week. Ever. So, a week without Mike, Jenna's starting daycare....oh...
3. My brother in law and his grilfriend are coming to visit us next week. He lives in the Czech Republic and comes in only once a year. I cannot wait to see him and meet his girlfriend. I've already sent him an email and let him know over Skype (seriously should do this if you don't already) that I may be what some may call a mess next week. So he's been forewarned. I'm hoping I can hold it together and show them a good New York time. Mike told him he has to hold me together while he's away. That's a pretty tall order and I hope he's up for the challenge.
4. Work starts soon. I know I know teachers hate talking about school when it's still summer. But for me, August is like the end of the road. I'm nervous/excited/anxious about going back to work. I hope I'm still good at it. I hope it's like riding a bike.
so the stress is high over here but i'm going to try to stay calm....
And right now, my ability to fake it is getting smaller and smaller. So I thought that if I list out the things that are stressing me, maybe it would help...
1. I am about to rock my daughter's world. The world as she knows it is about to be turned upside down and inside out. She's going to be starting daycare next week. Don't tell me she's going to love it. In her short life, she has never known what weekends are. She has never known a full day without her mommy. She has never had to nap with kids all around her. And starting next week, I am asking her to stay in a place she's not really familiar with for long periods of time, with people she doesn't know. Don't tell me it's good for her. Everytime I think about next week, I start to tear up. She's my little girl and it makes me sad to be dropping her off at daycare. That's how I feel right now at this moment. I
2. Mike starts his new job on Monday...in Seattle. The job is not in Seattle - but he's starting with a week out there for training. A week. Without Mike. Without Jenna (see #1). Now Mike and I are not the kind of couple that does things apart. Other than an occasional bachelor party or business trip, we don't do the whole "apart" thing. We've never been apart for a week. Ever. So, a week without Mike, Jenna's starting daycare....oh...
3. My brother in law and his grilfriend are coming to visit us next week. He lives in the Czech Republic and comes in only once a year. I cannot wait to see him and meet his girlfriend. I've already sent him an email and let him know over Skype (seriously should do this if you don't already) that I may be what some may call a mess next week. So he's been forewarned. I'm hoping I can hold it together and show them a good New York time. Mike told him he has to hold me together while he's away. That's a pretty tall order and I hope he's up for the challenge.
4. Work starts soon. I know I know teachers hate talking about school when it's still summer. But for me, August is like the end of the road. I'm nervous/excited/anxious about going back to work. I hope I'm still good at it. I hope it's like riding a bike.
so the stress is high over here but i'm going to try to stay calm....
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Our New Reality
We checked out Jenna's daycare this week. Although I had been there before for the tour and information and filled out all the paperwork, today was the finalization of everything. We saw the room that she will be in, the kids that will be in her class, and her teachers. She even got to hang out for storytime with her soon-to-be BFFs! She did great. Mike and I stood watching her while she listened to the teacher read a story. When she got a little antsy, it was the teacher who calmed her down.
Honestly, I wanted to run and grab her when she got a little upset, and it took all my will power not to. I can't believe she starts in two weeks. Next week, we go in together and spend an hour or so on one or two days. Then August 2nd, I drop her off. Period. I'll start be leaving her there for a few hours a day, working up to a full day by the second week.
I'm having some mommy guilt about starting her in August when I technically don't go back to work until the very end of the month. And I'm sure many will judge me for taking this time to transition. But I'm okay with this decision. I have been away from work for what will be 18 months. I need time to get my head around it and get my shit together. This is near impossible to do while watching a toddler. And I really feel like the more "ready" I feel for work, the better and easier all this will be. I also want to be around if they need me to come get her or if she gets sick. I won't be able to do that once I'm back at work (my mom will have to do that for us). Ithink know she's going to be happy there - so many kids, so many toys, and all the furniture is her height! At the same time I know it's going to be very bittersweet for me.
Honestly, I wanted to run and grab her when she got a little upset, and it took all my will power not to. I can't believe she starts in two weeks. Next week, we go in together and spend an hour or so on one or two days. Then August 2nd, I drop her off. Period. I'll start be leaving her there for a few hours a day, working up to a full day by the second week.
I'm having some mommy guilt about starting her in August when I technically don't go back to work until the very end of the month. And I'm sure many will judge me for taking this time to transition. But I'm okay with this decision. I have been away from work for what will be 18 months. I need time to get my head around it and get my shit together. This is near impossible to do while watching a toddler. And I really feel like the more "ready" I feel for work, the better and easier all this will be. I also want to be around if they need me to come get her or if she gets sick. I won't be able to do that once I'm back at work (my mom will have to do that for us). I
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Letters to Myself
Join in the letter writing campaign at Raising Madison.
This was hands-down one of the hardest posts I've ever written...please be kind.
Dear pre-teen me,
Don't buy those red glasses. Even though mommy says you look beautiful. How can I put this nicely? You look kinda dorky. And for the rest of your life, you're going to have to look at your Bat-Mitzvah pictures and see those red glasses. Oh and the bangs...I know all the girls have them, but your hair is not cut out for bangs. you barely know how to use a hair dryer and wavy bangs are just not the way to go. So between the red glasses and the bangs, those pictures are going to be hard to look at. But just know that this coming summer, you're going to grow out those bangs and get contacts which will change.your.life. People won't even recognize you in September and you're going to feel really pretty and guess what? Boys are actually going to start paying attention to you!
Dear teenager me,
You may think you know everything, but you don't. That boy that you're dating-ugh! You're parents are very right about him. Get rid of him ASAP. But if you don't, don't worry there will be others who are much more worthy of your time! Try to be nicer to your parents. They're really smart people. And they give you a lot of freedom, you should try to respect them a little more. You're going to get caught smoking something not exactly FDA approved. It's a long story, but you'll have a scar on your thigh for the rest of your life to remind you of that night. Mom and Dad are not going to be happy with you, but you will gain their trust back and one day will even be able to laugh about it. But seriously, don't laugh about it now, they're pissed off. Keep up the good work at school - that high school was a great choice, lots of hard work, but it'll really prepare you for college.
Dear college-age me,
Okay, I want to tell you that you should go to Bio and maybe then you'll be the doctor you always wanted to be, but I think you end up pretty happy. So you know what, keep skipping that class (who the hell makes Bio 101 at 8:30 in the morning anyway?!?) and learn what it's like for the first time in your life to fail a class. Psychology is a much better choice for you anyway. Also, don't be such a bitch to Brian at that date party - you end up with a loser. You're going to grow up a lot during these years. Be really grateful that mom and dad took out a loan so you could study abroad. Enjoy your time there cause you think you're going to get back to Europe really soon, but it'll actually take you several years to get back there. So enjoy every second. You're going to make a huge decision there, consider it a lIfe lesson learned...Know that you made the right decision. It was a hard one to make. But in the end, it's really what's best. You will never regret it. The girls you live with now are going to be your bridesmaids at your wedding - they're good people. You loved college, loved studying abroad, did some stupid shit and you made it out alive.
Dear 23 year old me,
You're going to think the world is ending, it may change forever, but it doesn't end. Wait for dad at your office, he would never leave the city without you. Call your new sister in law, she's the only one with phone service who can tell mom that you and dad are okay. You both get home safe and in a roundabout way this changes your career path. Follow the new one. You're going to love being a teacher, even though you never wanted to be one because mom and Neil already do it. It's a perfect fit for you and it'll be even better fit when you become a mom.
Dear 26 year old me,
Your heart is broken, but in just a few months, you're going to meet your soul mate. You'll know it from the first date. Give yourself some time to heal and get back out there because he's waiting for you. Let people set you up on blind dates (especially Sue's friend Lana) and don't waste your time on guys that aren't worth it. The guy you're going to meet this summer is going to make you laugh harder than you've laughed ever. He's going to make you smile everyday and you will be unable to stay mad at him, even when you want to. Even though you're scared to move in with him, follow your heart, he's a keeper. And Jersey is not so bad, you'll even grow to like it, even though you'll always be a Queens girl at heart. Don't worry, you'll be able to convince him that NY is where it's at and your 3 hour commutes will be over.
Dear 29/30 year old me,
Don't become consumed with planning your wedding. At the end of those 5 hours, it's just you and him and a lifetime together. Remember that it's about the marriage and not the wedding. This is going to be a year of changes for you - new home, new marriage, and new baby. Try to enjoy all the small things. They go super fast. And you will survive living with your parents (and you'll even like it). They're going to take good care of you while you're pregnant and you won't have to lift a finger. When you finally get into your new apartment, enjoy the first few days, because Jenna is going to be two weeks early! You're going to love her at first sight. It's a love like you have never known. Those first six weeks are going to suck big time, but it'll all be worth it. Give her formula for god sake. It'll be better for you and for her. Don't feel guilty! And don't worry, the crying will eventually stop - hers and yours.
Dear 31 year old me,
Enjoy every minute of this time with Jenna. You are one lucky momma to be able to stay home with her and see her grow this past year and a half. Don't listen when people say you're nuts to start taking classes so early. You need this - you're going to make amazing new friends there - let them into your life. They're worth it! There are going to be some really tough days when you lose your shit so don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't let your pride get in the way. You moved closer to family to have the support - use it! Nobody will judge you for having a bad day. And go away on that long weekend with Mike - you both need some time to be together. Try not to forget that in addition to being a mommy, you're still a wife and an individual too.
This was hands-down one of the hardest posts I've ever written...please be kind.
Dear pre-teen me,
Don't buy those red glasses. Even though mommy says you look beautiful. How can I put this nicely? You look kinda dorky. And for the rest of your life, you're going to have to look at your Bat-Mitzvah pictures and see those red glasses. Oh and the bangs...I know all the girls have them, but your hair is not cut out for bangs. you barely know how to use a hair dryer and wavy bangs are just not the way to go. So between the red glasses and the bangs, those pictures are going to be hard to look at. But just know that this coming summer, you're going to grow out those bangs and get contacts which will change.your.life. People won't even recognize you in September and you're going to feel really pretty and guess what? Boys are actually going to start paying attention to you!
Dear teenager me,
You may think you know everything, but you don't. That boy that you're dating-ugh! You're parents are very right about him. Get rid of him ASAP. But if you don't, don't worry there will be others who are much more worthy of your time! Try to be nicer to your parents. They're really smart people. And they give you a lot of freedom, you should try to respect them a little more. You're going to get caught smoking something not exactly FDA approved. It's a long story, but you'll have a scar on your thigh for the rest of your life to remind you of that night. Mom and Dad are not going to be happy with you, but you will gain their trust back and one day will even be able to laugh about it. But seriously, don't laugh about it now, they're pissed off. Keep up the good work at school - that high school was a great choice, lots of hard work, but it'll really prepare you for college.
Dear college-age me,
Okay, I want to tell you that you should go to Bio and maybe then you'll be the doctor you always wanted to be, but I think you end up pretty happy. So you know what, keep skipping that class (who the hell makes Bio 101 at 8:30 in the morning anyway?!?) and learn what it's like for the first time in your life to fail a class. Psychology is a much better choice for you anyway. Also, don't be such a bitch to Brian at that date party - you end up with a loser. You're going to grow up a lot during these years. Be really grateful that mom and dad took out a loan so you could study abroad. Enjoy your time there cause you think you're going to get back to Europe really soon, but it'll actually take you several years to get back there. So enjoy every second. You're going to make a huge decision there, consider it a lIfe lesson learned...Know that you made the right decision. It was a hard one to make. But in the end, it's really what's best. You will never regret it. The girls you live with now are going to be your bridesmaids at your wedding - they're good people. You loved college, loved studying abroad, did some stupid shit and you made it out alive.
Dear 23 year old me,
You're going to think the world is ending, it may change forever, but it doesn't end. Wait for dad at your office, he would never leave the city without you. Call your new sister in law, she's the only one with phone service who can tell mom that you and dad are okay. You both get home safe and in a roundabout way this changes your career path. Follow the new one. You're going to love being a teacher, even though you never wanted to be one because mom and Neil already do it. It's a perfect fit for you and it'll be even better fit when you become a mom.
Dear 26 year old me,
Your heart is broken, but in just a few months, you're going to meet your soul mate. You'll know it from the first date. Give yourself some time to heal and get back out there because he's waiting for you. Let people set you up on blind dates (especially Sue's friend Lana) and don't waste your time on guys that aren't worth it. The guy you're going to meet this summer is going to make you laugh harder than you've laughed ever. He's going to make you smile everyday and you will be unable to stay mad at him, even when you want to. Even though you're scared to move in with him, follow your heart, he's a keeper. And Jersey is not so bad, you'll even grow to like it, even though you'll always be a Queens girl at heart. Don't worry, you'll be able to convince him that NY is where it's at and your 3 hour commutes will be over.
Dear 29/30 year old me,
Don't become consumed with planning your wedding. At the end of those 5 hours, it's just you and him and a lifetime together. Remember that it's about the marriage and not the wedding. This is going to be a year of changes for you - new home, new marriage, and new baby. Try to enjoy all the small things. They go super fast. And you will survive living with your parents (and you'll even like it). They're going to take good care of you while you're pregnant and you won't have to lift a finger. When you finally get into your new apartment, enjoy the first few days, because Jenna is going to be two weeks early! You're going to love her at first sight. It's a love like you have never known. Those first six weeks are going to suck big time, but it'll all be worth it. Give her formula for god sake. It'll be better for you and for her. Don't feel guilty! And don't worry, the crying will eventually stop - hers and yours.
Dear 31 year old me,
Enjoy every minute of this time with Jenna. You are one lucky momma to be able to stay home with her and see her grow this past year and a half. Don't listen when people say you're nuts to start taking classes so early. You need this - you're going to make amazing new friends there - let them into your life. They're worth it! There are going to be some really tough days when you lose your shit so don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't let your pride get in the way. You moved closer to family to have the support - use it! Nobody will judge you for having a bad day. And go away on that long weekend with Mike - you both need some time to be together. Try not to forget that in addition to being a mommy, you're still a wife and an individual too.
Join in on the Blog Hop
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The End of Maternity Leave
My 'childcare leave' offically ended yesterday. Although I won't be going back to work until September, as a teacher, I will always have this time off with my daughter. As I said this to my friend this morning, her response was, "Remember that most people get less time off then the time you still have left."
And this got me thinking about some things:
First, why is it okay that we only get 6 weeks maternity leave - I remember my first 6 weeks home, and you know what, I was a MESS! I have a lot of respect for people who go back to work after those 6 weeks, because I seriously don't think I was emotionally able to do much of anything at that point. And in my job, those 6 weeks aren't even paid, I had to use whatever sick days I had in my bank and borrow a few more- which actually means I'll be going back to work with negative days. I'm sure that'll be great when I have a toddler who's sure to get sick at daycare in the fall...but whatever!
Second, it made me realize how fortunate I was to be able to stay home this long with my baby. Not that it was easy, financially or emotionally, but we made lots of sacrifices because we thought it was important that I be home with her. But the sacrifices have been worth it.
And I'm going to do my best to make the next 8 weeks amazing for Jenna!
And this got me thinking about some things:
First, why is it okay that we only get 6 weeks maternity leave - I remember my first 6 weeks home, and you know what, I was a MESS! I have a lot of respect for people who go back to work after those 6 weeks, because I seriously don't think I was emotionally able to do much of anything at that point. And in my job, those 6 weeks aren't even paid, I had to use whatever sick days I had in my bank and borrow a few more- which actually means I'll be going back to work with negative days. I'm sure that'll be great when I have a toddler who's sure to get sick at daycare in the fall...but whatever!
Second, it made me realize how fortunate I was to be able to stay home this long with my baby. Not that it was easy, financially or emotionally, but we made lots of sacrifices because we thought it was important that I be home with her. But the sacrifices have been worth it.
And I'm going to do my best to make the next 8 weeks amazing for Jenna!
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Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Back at Work...Sorta
I headed back to work for a planning day. Basically I got to spend the day with my fellow 3rd grade teachers and plan out the beginning of next year. I went in without pay because I thought it would be a good way for me to "get me feet wet." Plus I got to see my class list and wrap my head around what work is going to be like for me next year...new grade, new teachers to work with, standardized tests....blah blah blah
It was hard to leave Jenna in the morning (my mom took off to take care of her) - I heard her crying as I left the house, but I knew she was in good hands. And to be completely honest, it felt kinda good to be back - maybe it was because I knew it was only for a day, or maybe because it was definitely a worthwhile day at work (getting to plan like that is really awesome for a teacher), or maybe because ::eek:: I'm ready to go back to work.
I am one of those lucky people who loves their job. I seriously enjoy my time as a teacher and I actually think I'm pretty good at it. So going back to work is not this horrible horrible thing for me. And I think because I am kinda sorta looking forward to it - I'm feeling a little guilty. I'm looking forward to being more than just a mommy (is that terrible?!?) I'm looking forward to talking about other kids, looking forward to complaining about paperwork or how everything is going to get done or how I'm going to get this kid to read....I also think I have the best job for a mommy - when push comes to shove, I only work for half the year, have many many many holidays off and (the obvious) every summer is mine to spend with my baby.
And you know what else - coming home at the end of my day - Jenna RAN TO ME! It was the BEST mommy feeling in the whole world - she didn't forget who I was and wasn't mad that I abandoned her - but she was seriously psyched to see her mommy. And her mommy was just as psyched to see her baby.
It was hard to leave Jenna in the morning (my mom took off to take care of her) - I heard her crying as I left the house, but I knew she was in good hands. And to be completely honest, it felt kinda good to be back - maybe it was because I knew it was only for a day, or maybe because it was definitely a worthwhile day at work (getting to plan like that is really awesome for a teacher), or maybe because ::eek:: I'm ready to go back to work.
I am one of those lucky people who loves their job. I seriously enjoy my time as a teacher and I actually think I'm pretty good at it. So going back to work is not this horrible horrible thing for me. And I think because I am kinda sorta looking forward to it - I'm feeling a little guilty. I'm looking forward to being more than just a mommy (is that terrible?!?) I'm looking forward to talking about other kids, looking forward to complaining about paperwork or how everything is going to get done or how I'm going to get this kid to read....I also think I have the best job for a mommy - when push comes to shove, I only work for half the year, have many many many holidays off and (the obvious) every summer is mine to spend with my baby.
And you know what else - coming home at the end of my day - Jenna RAN TO ME! It was the BEST mommy feeling in the whole world - she didn't forget who I was and wasn't mad that I abandoned her - but she was seriously psyched to see her mommy. And her mommy was just as psyched to see her baby.
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