Changing hats

I've been back at work for a little over a week and as with the beginning of every school year, I'm still just getting a handle on things. New curriculum, new kids, new expectations, and for me...new hats.

Doing the daily change from teacher hat to mom hat is hard work.

I'm that teacher who leaves school when the day is over...gone are the days of staying late to finish grading something or reading ahead. I have two little people that by 3:17, I need to see. 

In my ten minute drive (I know I'm very lucky) from work to daycare I have to decompress...forget anything crappy that may have happened at work, let anything that didn't get done wait til tomorrow,  and muster up the energy that I know my two kids are going to have.

It takes a whole lot of mustering on my part not to just put on the TV and shut it down when we get home cause man I am TIRED. But I know winter is coming and the days of playing outside are dwindling. And I'm trying...and this mommy hat still fits better than my teacher one.

Adult time?

Daddy jumps off furniture

Adult time does not exist in our house right now.  I know it's  just a phase and I definitely miss my husband but it is what it is. Mike gets home on the later side from work, sometimes in time to put Alex to bed at 7:30 and then we have dinner/bath/bedtime routine with Jenna, who doesn't go to bed until 9/9:30.  She still has nap time at daycare, so getting her to bed earlier is close to impossible. And quite honestly by 9:30, both of us are spent.  And so maybe we have a chance to sit on the couch and watch some TV or talk but it usually ends with Mike rubbing my feet and me passing out.  Fun times.

But I guess it's kind of our choice. I could choose to send Jenna to a school that doesn't have nap time.  And she would absolutely go to bed earlier (that's what happens on the weekends). But here's the catch - she would never see Mike during the week. I would have both kids sleeping by 7:30 and Mike would come home to a quiet house. And yes, we'd have our 'adult time' but he wouldn't have any kid time. And they wouldn't have any daddy time. And right now, my kids, especially Jenna, need to see their daddy during the week.  The three (and sometimes four) of us have dinner together every night. We eat, we talk about our day, and we clean up together. That time is important to us.

I guess even though I'm a stay at home mom, I still have the 'working mom mentality.' I'll be back at work in a couple of months and I think I would die if my kids were in bed so soon after I got home.  They would see me for only a few hours and not see Mike at all. Right now, I don't feel like I'm enough for them during the week, and if it means less adult time for us, but more mommy/daddy time for them...then so be it.

Playdates After Hours

In college, the parties that happened after the bars closed and after the "regular" parties were called After Hours.  I think I may have majored in After Hours in college...but that's a story for another time.

These days I'm in a very weird place.  I'm now a 'working mom'.  Going back to work had me really nervous about how I would keep in touch with all my mom-friends (who aren't just mom-friends anymore, but just friends).  But here was the unexpected surprise, I still get to see my Stay at Home Mom friends (most of them are still at home, at least part time). And I guess I have the kids to thank for that.

In the early days of being home, the kiddies were all napping twice a day - morning and afternoon, so our playdates were usually lunch dates.  And they were great, we got to sit and chit chat and eat lunch while the kids played around us.  This was before they were all walking  running around.  When we could actually sit and chill and lament about parenthood and our sex lives.  Then the playdates kind of went away. The kids were all napping at different times, our classes were scattered, and it was hard to find a day and time that worked for us. And now, they seem to be back in action, and I couldn't be happier about it.  First of all, they're happening after the kids' naptimes which is usually anywhere from 12-3.  So the playdates are around 3:30/4:00 which mean my school teacher self gets to make it to them!

And now, they've gotten easier - the kids play with the toys and each other (as much as toddlers do) and except for the occassional "fight" over a toy, we get to hang out and chat about our kids, our husbands, and all the other crap going on in our lives. 
I'm feeling lucky.  Lucky to have met a group of women who love my kid.  A group of women who still include me even though I'm a "working mom" now.  A group of women who ask me how school is when I show up at the play date.  A group of women who have been with me through a whole lot of sh**. 

It's nice to be back in the playdate circle.

Now I just have to figure out how to get my act together and host one....hmmm maybe Veteran's Day or some other day when I have off....

Friday Flip Offs 10.15

Back by popular demand (well not really demand, but I got some stuff to flip off)

#1 Absolute biggest flip off ever might be the a-holes...err - people who think it's okay to ask me when I'm going to "try for #2?" - Ummm is it your damn business?!? People: let's make this clear: You should never ask a person a) if they're pregnant (that will never go well) and b) when/if they are trying...seriously with all the crap that goes on with baby making - you still have the balls to ask me...well STOP. 

#2 Hey all you know-it-alls who think teachers should get merit pay?!? Umm...children are not bottom lines.  I do not sell a product nor do I have clients.  I teach children to do and be the best they can.  Period.  We do not pay firefighters based on the amount of fires they put out or police officers on the amount of arrests made - so really? Teachers should not be paid based on how their students score on some standardized test that business people and politicians developed.  Thank you very much. 

A Flip Off to the parents who do not call teachers back.  It's your kid's education I'm calling to discuss. C'mon...find 5 minutes to give me a ring. 

#3 Flipping Off time - why is there never enough of it? I feel like by the time we finish with J's nighttime routines and have our own (dinner/showers) it's freaking bedtime.  Mike and I are like two passing ships in the water.  BOO!!

#4 A final Flippity Flip Off to the never-ending cold/cough my kid now has since starting daycare.  As my pediatrician said so bluntly, "Daycares keep peds in business." I love you daycare, I really do, but please keep your colds to yourself. I do like to sleep at night.


Happy Friday everyone!

My goal next week is to get some more posts done over here...(see flip off #3)

You like the Friday Flip Offs as much as I do? Check out Momma Kiss for the link and other Flips wihle Kludgy Mom is busy with some other stuff!

18 months going on 18 years

So after our night from hell, we hightailed it over to Buy Buy Baby to get some new gear for our big girl.

On our list:

Crib Tent and/or Toddler Bed

Potty Seat - not starting to train, but figured while I was there, might as well get it

Baby Proofing stuff (especially if we get the bed)

So here's how it went...the Crib Tent looks like a freaking cage.  I know it works for many families.  But I seriously think J would go batshit if we put that over her crib. And Mike? He was not into this at all.

So we went for the toddler bed.  I know she's a bit young for a bed, but I also thought she was a bit young to be climbing out of her crib.  So it is what it is.  I was also thinking that at daycare she naps on a close to the ground cot, so maybe the transition wouldn't be too crazy.

We bought something that looks like this one.  The one we got matched the rest of the furniture in her room and is a little curvier than this one, but you get the idea. 

While we were there, we picked up a Dora potty seat, which she was happily sitting on in the store and for $30 we figured why not...

Sunday went a little like this:

Before heading to our friends' house to watch some football, I was going to the bathroom and I asked J if she wanted to sit on the potty.  She nodded (I think) and jokingly I was telling her to "PUSH!" Honestly, it was more for the funny way she says "push" than anything else...but holy shit (pun intended) she pooped in the potty.  I didn't know what to do.  I was excited over her poop.  Now I know it was a total fluke, but as my friend from work said, at least she now knows what "push"means...

On our way home from our friends she fell asleep, we transfered her into the bed and a couple of hours later, she was pretty much out of her mind.  It must be pretty crazy waking up in a strange place in your own room...so into our bed she came - So I guess Night #1 = FAIL!

Now we're on night 2 and with a much longer wind down she did fall asleep in there - so fingers are crossed that she'll last longer in there than last night...

Oh transitions...they're so much fun!

Night from Hell

I had the night from hell Thursday night...and you know what sucks about this night? It started off so peaceful and relaxing and then went to shit.

Hubby was away on business (in my mind this means he's sleeping comfortably in a kings sized bed with no responsibilities to anyone but himself) and I actually got J to bed at the normal hour of 7:15 (she's been giving us some going to bed issues so this was great).  I call Mike and he says how great it is that we can both get a good night's sleep (obviously his guilt talking) and to enjoy the down time. KISS OF DEATH people!

Here's how my night played out....

9:15 - Wailing coming from sleeping toddler's room.  I go in and get her back to sleep
9:45 - More wailing...ok - I'll go right in...just have to pee...THUD! (I do not have a font size big enough for this thud). I freak the fuck out.  I run into J's room and she's on the floor.  She climbed out of her crib!! She's on the floor on all fours. I am scared shitless.  Seriously. I know most kids do this, but I have never heard anyone say that the thud is ridiculous and I can't stop my mind from wandering to all those "she could've..." places.  Seriously, I'm not a religious person, but there's a god somewhere watching over little children. 
10 - 10:15 - Call hubs in hysterics and I think hang up on him cause he's no help.  Call mom who kinda laughs at how "advanced" J is - she's only 18 months after all. 

Now here's where the fun part start

10:30 - 12:30 - I tried everyone of my mommy tricks to get her back to bed:
Rocking her - FAIL!
Milk - FAIL!
Dancing - FAIL!
In bed with me - FAIL!
Back in the crib - BIG ASS FAIL!
TV  - FAIL!

Finally after TWO hours of this insanity, I gave up - I laid down on our living room floor, left the TV on and closed my eyes.  At some point, she did too, because the next thing I remember is being woken up at 6 am with "Mommy milk Mommy milk" 

Now I am so freaking tired and just finished my Buy Buy Baby list which now includes a Crib Tent and a Toddler Bed (we'll see how either one of those works out!).

Fitting It All In

I took a break from blogging that last week or so because I was just too damn overwhelmed with life to even think about getting some coherent thoughts together and write them.
I'm back at work, teaching 27 third graders and in one simple word, I was tired.  I stayed home for a year and a half and trust me when I say I was tired then, but now it's pure exhaustion. 

I am a believer in the fact that there is no break for any mom - working or stay at home.  But right now I'm just figuring out how to do a quick switch from teacher to mommy without getting burnt out at either one of my 'jobs.'

I'm in the third week of school right now and it's starting to get better...and I took this week to do some stuff for me.  Wednesday night I went out with my girlfriends, Friday night I went to my first book club meeting (which was filled with lots of wine) and Saturday night, we had a double date while J slept at my parent's house.  Maybe it was because I was so busy and didn't have time to think about my triedness or maybe because J was back to sleeping well (now that she was feeling better), but I felt a bit more human this week. 

So now we're back to the question of fitting it all in - work time, mommy time, family time, and me time....

Sick Baby = Sick to my stomach Mommy

It's Saturday over here (but you probably won't see this til Monday cause I have to see how tomorrow goes) and we are officially in the midst of Jenna's first real sick day.  We've been so lucky so far - she has never run a fever over 99.9 in her little life...but today she ran a whopping 103.7!!
I got nervous and for whatever reason her pediatricians' office phone lines were down and their offices were locked (I'll deal with that issue tomorrow - they're supposed to be open 7 days a week and phone line typically has an outgoing message with an emergency number, but the line wasn't picking up).  So I took her over to my doctor (who is also a ped) and I learned two things:
#1 - it's viral which means lots of TLC and Motrin/Tylenol
#2 - if your kid runs fever, give her tylenol to get the fever down.  It's a whole lot easier to examine a child who's not burning up.  I didn't know that...I thought that if I gave her something, I may not be able to give her antibiotics...I dunno - dumb mom move.  But again, I've never dealt with her having a fever before (or myself - I don't run fever - random fact about me)

Okay, so I'm rambling...and I'm feeling the first ever working mom dilemma.  Because obviously, we're keeping her home from daycare on Monday, and I can't stay home with her. It's the second day of school for my kids and I just cannot take the day.  Mike is in a pretty new job and for him to start taking days now just looks bad.  So we're relying on my mom to watch her Monday.  Honestly, she'll probably be feeling much better by then, but still...the one time she gets sick and I can't be with her.  That shits.  It's not the end of the world, my mother is a fabulous stand-in for me and Mike, but she's not Jenna's mommy. 

I can see pretty clearly what a different type of teacher I'm going to be this year.  I'm going to give my 100% because I don't know how not to, but my heart's going to be somewhere else.  And my ass is going to be out the door at 3:17 on Monday.

Oh the Guilt...

So I'm back at work this week setting up my classroom so it's all ready for the kids next week...and the guilt has started to set in.  It's weird because this whole month Jenna's been in daycare and I've been...well, enjoying myself - going to the beach, meeting friends for lunch, relaxing poolside...and honestly haven't felt guilty for one second.  But I head into work for the past two days and the guilt has been a little overwhelming. 

The only thing I can think of is that no matter where I was while she was in daycare this past month, if she needed me, I could be there in an instant, noone and nothing else needed me.  But now, I need to set up my classroom, I need to be prepared, I need to do my best.  One of my friends said to me today while I was stressing about what bulletin board should go where (which anyone who's a teacher knows, is kind of a big deal), "So you're still an A+ huh? I thought motherhood would chill you out a little."  It stung a little.  And then I got over it. Because I pride myself in being an A+.  I don't know how to do things half-ass.  Which is why I'm feeling the guilt.  Because now, in my life, something's gotta give.  And it's going to have to be my job.  I'm going to have to be the picture of efficiency.  And I'm going to have to make sure I put my daughter first and whatever doesn't get done at work one day, will get done the next.  She's more important. period.