Our circus!

So I haven't blogged in months and well...a lot has happened to us since my last post...namely a baby boy! With that being said, the thought of keeping up with a blog and two kids is just that, a thought.
But I love the written history I have of my big girl's babyhood through this blog and so with mother guilt setting in (I have tons of posts about that) I'm going to at least attempt to write down some of our new life as a circus (complete with three rings)

I have a bunch of friends who are expecting their second kid and some of them have (very kindly) complimented me on my ability to keep it together and enjoy both of my kids. Here's my secret: I certainly do not have it together and we have days where we're damn near ripping at the seams, but yes I do enjoy them both. But here's the thing hubby and I went into baby #2 with eyes wide open - we knew this was going to be hard and days feel near impossible so we made decisions to help us. Some may not agree with the decisions but it's what has (so far) been best for our family.

1. I am currently staying at home with the baby for the foreseeable future. That being said my big girl is still and will continue to be in full day daycare. This is best for everyone involved. I was not going to mess with her life by making her stay home with mommy and an infant because that would suck for her. And let's face it, it would suck for me to be home all day with both kids too. So baby gets my full attention from morning until around 4 when big sis comes home and then he's a typical second child who needs to figure things out. But we're all happier for it.

2. I am formula feeding my son. Anyone who has read this blog before knows that breast feeding was awful for me. Did not make myself go through it again. I am a better mother for it.

3. We hired a baby nurse. Mike and I slept through the night for the first ten days that we had baby home. Amazing. Best money we ever spent. And we got to help our big girl transition to this new life. We even got to take her to a birthday party and a movie while the baby nurse watched the baby (see #2)

They're so stinkin' cute!

4. I have not missed a book club, Mike has not missed a business trip, we did not miss our anniversary dinner or our friend's birthday dinner and we are not missing my brother in law's wedding in Europe. We have tried to maintain some semblance of our 'normal' life and baby is just stuck going on this ride.

People say going from one kid to two kids is harder than going from zero kids to one kid. I say these people don't have any kids. Two kids is f***ing hard but then there are those days when my big girl goes over to the baby and says "I love you sooo much" and well...it's all worth it.

Guest Post: Evolution of the Playgroup

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about this guest post from Harm over at Baby To Go.  I've been asking her to post for me for a long time now, and she finally stopped traveling for long enough to write something for me.  She's out of her usual comfort zone (traveling with baby/toddler in tow) and writing about us...not her and I (although we're in here) us as in moms and our relationships with each other.

I would call Harm one of my best mommy friends, but in truth she's just one of my best friends.  I am lucky to have met her and so happy that our kids are growing up together.  She is a big reason why I am not looking forward to going back to work.  Okay, enough about my love for her - check out what she has to say about our playgroups and leave her some comments!!

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Parallel Play: The evolution of the playgroup

When my son was 5 weeks old, I ventured out to a new mom meet-up in our neighborhood. I was looking for some adults to talk to, and something to do. I never though I would meet so many great friends, with kids around the same age as C. That is how I met Melissa & Jenna.

Out of this weekly meet-up grew our little playgroup. We would meet weekly, at a rotating hostess’ apartment. The hostess would provide lunch, and we would sit around and chat while our babies lay on blankets and stared at each other. These playdates would last for 3 or 4 hours. Kids would nap if they were tired. They would eat, maybe play with some new toys… who knew how blissful this really was?

C dressed up for his 1st play date, June '09

Last fall we began to take classes together and in good weather, groups went for long walks in the neighborhood or out to lunch. As winter turned to spring, our group became a little more informal, meeting mainly at the local playgrounds and sometimes the park for a picnic. Enjoying the emerging nice weather after the snowy winter months.


But about three months ago, when my son started walking, any attempt to “socialize” with another mom & child, became not so fun. Picture me chasing after my son, with broken bits of adult conversation in between. In the past few months, play dates have been on hiatus, and maybe it’s just the warmer weather, but at the same time, now that the children are rambunctious toddlers, it’s hard to have 5 or 6 (or more!) kids running around an apartment. Meeting another mom for a stroll, or coffee (so fun and easy when they are little infants) is impossible. Even a trip to the zoo or children’s museum, each mom is running after their lil’one… usually in opposite directions!

There is also the nap factor. Most of the kids we know are in the 16-20 month range. And their naps are at different times, different lengths. Some kids have to be home to nap, some kids are more flexible with their nap schedules. So it makes even finding a time of day to get together quite tough.


So even though I “interact” with other moms (I haven’t morphed into a hermit, and btw, my kid has no nap schedule) I miss my mommy-friends and our get-togethers. I guess with everything baby-related, this is just a phase. You probably could coin it the parallel play phase. And I’m talking about the parents here, not the kids. As the kids grow, and become more self-sufficient, I’m hoping the play dates will evolve to where we moms can sit back on the couch, have a glass of vino, laugh about our husbands, while the kids play together.


At what age does that happen?

I am so Not Mom of the Year

When I saw this contest going on from the ladies at Life Without Pink and the Momologist, I had to join in on the fun.  Over the last almost 16 months, I have had countless moments where I've said "Well I guess I'm not winning the mommy of the year award!"








It's all in good fun, but when I started thinking about specific instances where I was certainly not mom of the year - the few that came to mind quick all had to do with Jenna falling - from high and low.  I'm laughing writing this, but really, it's kinda not funny.  But I guess since I know she's okay, I'm allowed to laugh about it...

First the low...
At two weeks old (she was super little) we had her in bed with us.  God we were just trying to get some sleep and at that point the only way she would sleep was on our chest.  Well that's where she was, and I must of been completely sleep deprived, because I forgot she was there and rolled over and she dropped off my chest from the bed onto the floor.  Panic insued. Pediatrician called and visited.  She was/is fine.  I didn't tell anyone about this for months because I was afraid they would say I wasn't a good mommy. 

Now the middle...
You thought the bed was high...umm no...Jenna's fallen from higher.  Right around her first birthday, we went with some friends to the Long Island Children's Museum.  Great place for kids of all ages.  Well, they have this toddler room where the kids can run around and climb on things.  In the room they had this awesome real life motorcycle. I really wanted to get Jenna up there (you know where this is going right?!?)
Well we got this adorable picture first....

And then she went falling off the motorcyle.  You see my arm on the right, well she fell left, and what you don't see in the picture is some small steps next to the bike (so kids can walk up to it).  Yeah she fell off, bounced down the steps and landed with a thud.  I swear  I was watching her - I have proof - my hand is holding her!! But she fell, this time from pretty high up.

 

And the high...

If you're a reader of my blog (and you should be if you're not already), you know this story.  It was a few months ago, and we were staying at our friend's HOUSE.  We live in an apartment.  I thought Mike had her, he thought I had her. Well the stairs had her.  All we heard {he was in the bathroom, I was in the bedroom} was a thud and screaming. Jenna fell down a pretty substantial flight of stairs.  Thing is, I have no idea if she walked down a few and then slid down the rest, or if she slid on her butt, or if she flipped down them...it's probably better off.  Cause either way, she fell down a flight of stairs. It was a holy shit moment if there ever was one. 

 

Thank god our kid is tough because she's taken some good falls.  It's not that we don't watch her, it's just that I'm not mom of the year!

Join in the fun! Why should you get the Not Mom of the Year Award??

Letters to Myself

Join in the letter writing campaign at Raising Madison.
This was hands-down one of the hardest posts I've ever written...please be kind.

Dear pre-teen me,
Don't buy those red glasses.  Even though mommy says you look beautiful.  How can I put this nicely? You look kinda dorky.  And for the rest of your life, you're going to have to look at your Bat-Mitzvah pictures and see those red glasses.  Oh and the bangs...I know all the girls have them, but your hair is not cut out for bangs.  you barely know how to use a hair dryer and wavy bangs are just not the way to go.  So between the red glasses and the bangs, those pictures are going to be hard to look at.  But just know that this coming summer, you're going to grow out those bangs and get contacts which will change.your.life.  People won't even recognize you in September and you're going to feel really pretty and guess what? Boys are actually going to start paying attention to you!


Dear teenager me,
You may think you know everything, but you don't.  That boy that you're dating-ugh! You're parents are very right about him.  Get rid of him ASAP.  But if you don't, don't worry there will be others who are much more worthy of your time! Try to be nicer to your parents.  They're really smart people.  And they give you a lot of freedom, you should try to respect them a little more.  You're going to get caught smoking something not exactly FDA approved. It's a long story, but you'll have a scar on your thigh for the rest of your life to remind you of that night. Mom and Dad are not going to be happy with you, but you will gain their trust back and one day will even be able to laugh about it.  But seriously, don't laugh about it now, they're pissed off.  Keep up the good work at school - that high school was a great choice, lots of hard work, but it'll really prepare you for college.

Dear college-age me,
Okay, I want to tell you that you should go to Bio and maybe then you'll be the doctor you always wanted to be, but I think you end up pretty happy. So you know what, keep skipping that class (who the hell makes Bio 101 at 8:30 in the morning anyway?!?) and learn what it's like for the first time in your life to fail a class.  Psychology is a much better choice for you anyway.  Also, don't be such a bitch to Brian at that date party - you end up with a loser.  You're going to grow up a lot during these years.  Be really grateful that mom and dad took out a loan so you could study abroad. Enjoy your time there cause you think you're going to get back to Europe really soon, but it'll actually take you several years to get back there. So enjoy every second. You're going to make a huge decision there, consider it a lIfe lesson learned...Know that you made the right decision.  It was a  hard one to make. But in the end, it's really what's best.  You will never regret it.  The girls you live with now are going to be your bridesmaids at your wedding - they're good people.  You loved college, loved studying abroad, did some stupid shit and you made it out alive.

Dear 23 year old me,
You're going to think the world is ending, it may change forever, but it doesn't end.  Wait for dad at your office, he would never leave the city without you.  Call your new sister in law, she's the only one with phone service who can tell mom that you and dad are okay. You both get home safe and in a roundabout way this changes your career path.  Follow the new one.  You're going to love being a teacher, even though you never wanted to be one because mom and Neil already do it.  It's a perfect fit for you and it'll be even better fit when you become a mom. 

Dear 26 year old me,
Your heart is broken, but in just a few months, you're going to meet your soul mate.  You'll know it from the first date.  Give yourself some time to heal and get back out there because he's waiting for you.  Let people set you up on blind dates (especially Sue's friend Lana) and don't waste your time on guys that aren't worth it.  The guy you're going to meet this summer is going to make you laugh harder than you've laughed ever.  He's going to make you smile everyday and you will be unable to stay mad at him, even when you want to.  Even though you're scared to move in with him, follow your heart, he's a keeper.  And Jersey is not so bad, you'll even grow to like it, even though you'll always be a Queens girl at heart. Don't worry, you'll be able to convince him that NY is where it's at and your 3 hour commutes will be over.

Dear 29/30 year old me,
Don't become consumed with planning your wedding.  At the end of those 5 hours, it's just you and him and a lifetime together.  Remember that it's about the marriage and not the wedding.  This is going to be a year of changes for you - new home, new marriage, and new baby.  Try to enjoy all the small things.  They go super fast.  And you will survive living with your parents (and you'll even like it). They're going to take good care of you while you're pregnant and you won't have to lift a finger.  When you finally get into your new apartment, enjoy the first few days, because Jenna is going to be two weeks early! You're going to love her at first sight.  It's a love like you have never known.  Those first six weeks are going to suck big time, but it'll all be worth it.  Give her formula for god sake.  It'll be better for you and for her.  Don't feel guilty! And don't worry, the crying will eventually stop - hers and yours.

Dear 31 year old me,
Enjoy every minute of this time with Jenna.  You are one lucky momma to be able to stay home with her and see her grow this past year and a half.  Don't listen when people say you're nuts to start taking classes so early.  You need this - you're going to make amazing new friends there - let them into your life. They're worth it!  There are going to be some really tough days when you lose your shit so don't be afraid to ask for help.  Don't let your pride get in the way.  You moved closer to family to have the support - use it! Nobody will judge you for having a bad day.  And go away on that long weekend with Mike - you both need some time to be together. Try not to forget that in addition to being a mommy, you're still a wife and an individual too.

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Mission Impossible

I had a plan for today...that's a joke right? Plans are a joke...But I made one anyway: Jenna would take her morning nap, we'd go to the park, have some lunch, go to our open play time at the gym, and then she'd take her afternoon nap (now here's the where it went wrong), during which I would go get a pedicure (afterall, it's flip flop weather and my toes are GROSS!) This is when Jenna laughed at my plan...well, not really, but it felt that way.  This wasn't that crazy of an idea by the way, she usually goes right to sleep after gym time - like I can barely keep her up goes to sleep....But today I had a plan and I guess Jenna wasn't down with the plan....

I walked and walked and paced back and forth outside the nail salon trying to get her to nap - she was scratching at her eyes, but kept popping back up...then here's the kicker...a lady with a dog walked in front of the stroller and Jenna throws herself up tosses the pacifier out of the stroller and points going "doggie! doggie! doggie!" I seriously wanted to kill this lady for walking in front of us!

So no pedicure for me - instead angry diappointed mommy walked Jenna back home and put her in the crib where she's sleeping now - Too bad the pedicurist doesn't make housecalls...

Being a Mother is Just Like High School

It's the first real beautiful day and I'm definitely starting to get stir crazy sitting in the house with my newborn daughter. I mean don't get me wrong, she's beautiful and I can sit and watch her sleep - but there's only so much "talking" I can do with noon talking back. It makes you start to question your sanity.
So I decide to venture to the local park. Now I know that since my daughter is going to sit in her stroller -it's more of an outing for me. I walk over there with very hig expectations. (My husband is always telling me to manage my expectations) - I'm thinking "this is going to be great, I'll meet some new moms....I'll get some sun..."
I get to the park - as I'm walking in I can feel the other moms staring at me (maybe it was my imagination - but it really felt like that). I start thinking - Is my daughter dressed cute enough? Is my stroller nice enough? Do I still look 6 months pregnant? I start looking around and it seems like everyone knows each other...
There's a section of nannies all talking and laughing together, a section of mommies by the swings - all talking, a section of mommies on the monkey bars - all talking. And me...I don't know a single person there...so I park myself on a bench with my stroller and my book, put on my sunglasses, and do what anyone else in this situation would do...I called my husband and CRIED.
It felt like the first day of high school - but not the first day where you know kids from Junior High - the first day being a transfer student...the cliques were already formed and you have to find where you belong and how to get into a group you like...