A Big Girl First

At 2 1/2 years old, I've been out of the "firsts" game for quite a while...she's been walking for well over a year, talking for a while now, and eating by herself for months and months.
But today was another kind of "first" - a big girl one.
Her first haircut.
I never thought I'd be the mom who went to the "kid's place" and got the certificate with the hair clippings in an envelope and the fancy hair cut seat....but I was (am).  And it was soooo worth it.
I think I have a little fashionista in training - because she loved every minute....
Some highlights:

It was so much fun - Makes me look forward to our future spa days.

Trouble is my middle name (not really)

I was a good kid.  I didn't get into too much trouble. And honestly the only real trouble I got into as at home with my big brother.  Other than that, I was good.
Except once.
One time I got into big trouble.
Like sent to the prinicipal's office big trouble.
And I lied to my mom about it.
But the truth came out. 

Fourth grade girls are mean.  I was a fourth grade girl and I was mean.  Groups of three girls is never good. One always gets left out and in this instance I was the girl leaving the other one out.

I have no idea why I did what I did.  I guess that just goes to show how small and stupid it was probably was.  But either way, it happened.  Two of us decided to gang up on the third person in our trio.  In ganging up on her, we I wrote what I called a petition against her.  Basically it said things like "I will not be ____'s partner in line." "I will not ask ________ to go to the bathroom with me." "I will not invite _______ over my house to play." "I will not walk home with ______."
And the list went on and on.
Not only did my other friend and I sign this petition, but we had our classmates sign it as well.  I think we aimed to get our whole class to sign it. 
I am so embarrassed even writing this.  As a teacher and now a mother, I would be FURIOUS at this behavior. Really disgusting.
Well, the girl's mom found out (probably because she went home crying about it) and called the principal. 
The next morning I get sent down to the principal's office. I had no idea I was in trouble.  He was a big dude. Super nice guy unless you crossed him. Then he could scare the shi** out of you.  And that is what he did to me. I don't remember exactly what he said, but it ended with lots of tears and ripping the petition up and apologizing profusely to the girl (who was my friend...ugh girls are so mean!)

I never said anything to my parents.  I figured I would never have to.  The principal and the teacher didn't call home, so I was home free.

Until we were going on a class trip a few weeks later and the chaperones? My mom and her mom.  I remember so clearly going into my parent's bedroom and telling my mom what happened and how sorry I was and all the details.  And boy was she pissed. Not even so much about the incident but about me not telling her when it happened.

The three of us went on to remain friends through elementary school.  But I gotta be honest when I think back to stuff like this, it makes me really scared to have a girl. I see how mean girls can be to each other from childhood through adulthood. 
I hope Jenna's nice.  That's all - I don't care so much about intelligence or looks or any of that.  I just hope I can raise her to be a good person.


This was written as part of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.

My Birth Story

Two of my friends just had babies...and both had very different birth stories and I love hearing the details of theirs (and anyone else's) story...so here's mine.

My due date was April 2nd.  We moved into our apartment on Tuesday, March 17th.  Wednesday I had a routine Dr. appointment where she so kindly told me "the baby's head is practically coming out your vagina - please stop working" Went to work on Thursday - it was open school night which meant a very late and exhausting night for me and I told my principal that tomorrow would be my last day. My plan was to take the two weeks and set up our new apartment, get unpacked and just relax before the baby's arrival...Oh, plans! Why do we even make them?!!? Worked on Friday and said my goodbyes.

Saturday the cable guy came while my parents and my friend Tara were over to help us unpack (she's a good friend).  Everyone leaves so Mike and I make a shopping list (we have literally NOTHING in the house) and planned to go do a food shopping.  Oh did little baby have other plans for us!
We get in the elevator and I feel wet...very very wet down there.  I look at Mike and I say - something's not normal - I think I just peed on myself only it's not stopping.  My pants were soaked through - went back to our apartment - I head to the toilet and chaos insues. 
Mike makes necessary phone calls: Dr. (who says go to hospital), mom and dad (who head back to us to drive us to hospital), his mom (who gets in her car to come up to NY).  He had to unpack a bag to pack our hospital bag (umm I was supposed to have two more weeks!).  I have him print the Hospital list off the computer and he throws some crap in a bag (does anyone even use the stuff they pack??).

Check into the hospital at 7 pm.  They confirm that my water broke (thank you Captain Obvious!) and they say they're going to induce me - Let me tell you - that was my fear during pregnancy - I was not afraid of natural childnirth or even a C-section - I did not want to be induced.  Well I guess my body agreed.  By the time the meds came up to my room, I was contracting every 5 minutes.  I progressed pretty nicely the next couple of hours.  I was actually impressed with my pain tolerance and then...it got BAD.  I asked for the eipdural and I don't know who was giving it to me but here I was in ACTIVE labor and the med student (I assume) can't find the right spot in my back.  It took 45 minutes to get the damn thing into my back!! That was the most difficult part for me.  From that point on, things went really well, I pushed when they told me to (I couldn't feel much) and I kept telling my hubby that I was a great pusher! And he kept agreeing with me - he's a smart hubby!

And at 5:00 am they put Jenna in our arms.  Am I the only one who still cries when I think back to that moment??  We didn't knw the sex of the baby and we were sure we were having a boy - so when they put this perfect little girl in our arms, it was seriously unbelievable....

This was her 1st photo (with my cell phone, of course)

People say you forget...I hope I never do. It was pretty amazing.

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Mothers & Daughters

When I was pregnant with baby J we decided not to find out the sex of the baby. We wanted it to be a surprise - our thinking was when in your life are you going to be completely surprised and not even slightly disappointed. I know a lot of people say that when they find out the sex at 20 weeks or so, they're surprised then - and that's definitely true, but then you have 5 months of imagining your life with that little boy or girl and you can start to prepare yourself for what that life is going to be like. And on a side note, at my 36 week sono Mike and I were absolutely convinced that we saw a penis and that we were having a boy - so convinced that we didn't have girl's names picked out until I was in labor.

Anyway, when the dr. said "it's a girl" I can't even describe the shock and excitement that I felt...a baby girl...I couldn't believe it and I still can't to this day. I always said that I didn't care about the sex and I honestly didn't, but for some reason I feel especially lucky to have a daugher. Maybe it's because I have such a great relationship with my own mom, she's my best friend in lots of ways and I can only hope that I'm that close with J. When J was born, a very close family friend and mother of two daughters gave me a book Because I Love Her which is a collection of writers reflecting on the mother daughter bond. And I go through phases where I read some of them and cry and love every minute of it.

But as I think of my life as a mother to a daughter, I start to think about the responsibility that goes with that role...How do I instill in her how important it is to be confident without being snobby....to be proud of her intelligence and not embarrassed...to be a good friend to girls and boys...to date boys but not be promiscuous....to think she's beautiful (which she is) and not harp on her flaws...I want her to know that she can come to us with any problem she may have (even the ones I probably won't want to hear about). I keep telling Mike that we're going to know everything that she does and he keeps telling me that we're not. Sometimes I get really overwhelmed with all the responsibilites that come with raising a girl.

So of course, I went to the one person that I thought would know the answer to this...my own mom (I may be biased but I think she did a great job raising me, and my brother for that matter). And she said to me to just "raise by example." So I'm working hard to do just that - I guess this is almost like my second chance to be all of the things I want J to be...