Mothers & Daughters

When I was pregnant with baby J we decided not to find out the sex of the baby. We wanted it to be a surprise - our thinking was when in your life are you going to be completely surprised and not even slightly disappointed. I know a lot of people say that when they find out the sex at 20 weeks or so, they're surprised then - and that's definitely true, but then you have 5 months of imagining your life with that little boy or girl and you can start to prepare yourself for what that life is going to be like. And on a side note, at my 36 week sono Mike and I were absolutely convinced that we saw a penis and that we were having a boy - so convinced that we didn't have girl's names picked out until I was in labor.

Anyway, when the dr. said "it's a girl" I can't even describe the shock and excitement that I felt...a baby girl...I couldn't believe it and I still can't to this day. I always said that I didn't care about the sex and I honestly didn't, but for some reason I feel especially lucky to have a daugher. Maybe it's because I have such a great relationship with my own mom, she's my best friend in lots of ways and I can only hope that I'm that close with J. When J was born, a very close family friend and mother of two daughters gave me a book Because I Love Her which is a collection of writers reflecting on the mother daughter bond. And I go through phases where I read some of them and cry and love every minute of it.

But as I think of my life as a mother to a daughter, I start to think about the responsibility that goes with that role...How do I instill in her how important it is to be confident without being snobby....to be proud of her intelligence and not embarrassed...to be a good friend to girls and boys...to date boys but not be promiscuous....to think she's beautiful (which she is) and not harp on her flaws...I want her to know that she can come to us with any problem she may have (even the ones I probably won't want to hear about). I keep telling Mike that we're going to know everything that she does and he keeps telling me that we're not. Sometimes I get really overwhelmed with all the responsibilites that come with raising a girl.

So of course, I went to the one person that I thought would know the answer to this...my own mom (I may be biased but I think she did a great job raising me, and my brother for that matter). And she said to me to just "raise by example." So I'm working hard to do just that - I guess this is almost like my second chance to be all of the things I want J to be...