Back to Work?

Should I go back to work?

I feel like this is an age-old question for many stay at home moms...Many of my friends had this decision made for them...either they had to go back for financial reasons, for health care, to stay current in their fields...

I, on the other hand, do not HAVE to go back to work, I can stay home for FOUR YEARS and still go back to my same position.. I know many people will say how can you complain about this - most people are not so lucky to have the option to stay home. And I hope I don't sound ungrateful - because trust me, I know just how fortunate I am to be able to stay home with my daughter...BUT it almost makes the decision harder to make.

If I go back to work, it means that I WANT to...want to be a teacher again...want to listen to all the bs that goes on at work...want to have something other than J to talk about over dinner with my husband...want to leave her in daycare....

On the one hand, I love being home with J. It has been and continues to be amazing seeing her grow and become a little person. I love that I am raising her...I am the one taking her to mommy and me classes...I am the one taking her to the grocery store...I am the one who gets her to giggle uncontrollably in her tickle spots...

On the other hand, I am the one who has to deal with her meltdowns (whether they are in the privacy of my own home, or publicly in barnes and noble)...I am the one who no longer goes to the bathroom in private...I am the one who can't find time to finish reading the book that I started a month ago (very good, by the way, East of the Sun)...I am the one chasing J around the house and struggling to get her into her stroller.

I feel guilty for saying this, but I'm looking forward to September. I've already started to have back to work dreams. I've already imagined my classroom and how my life is going to be different being a working mom. I'm kind of excited to get J ready for daycare in the morning and seeing her smile when I pick her up in the afternoons. I'm excited for her to have circle time and make new friends. I'm also excited not to be the one who has to fight to get her to take a nap or to eat her lunch. I'm excited for me to return to a job that I am passionate about and that I'm good at.

I'll probably waver back and forth a thousand times before I have to make my final decision (May 1st deadline). But I think going back to work will be good for J and good for me....until we decide to have another baby....